Imagine Me And You
by Miss Elenath
Summary: At the end of High School Sam discovers his feelings for Blaine are more than 'bromantic'. But Blaine is promised to Kurt, his one and only soul mate. From the beginning on Sam is only second choice – a fact that clearly won't lead to a happy ending for Blam during the years after school. Or can things change? [pairings inside]
1. Chapter 1

Summary: At the end of High School Sam discovers his feelings for Blaine are more than 'bromantic'. But Blaine is promised to Kurt, his one and only soul mate. From the beginning on Sam is only second choice – a fact that clearly won't lead to a happy ending for Blam during the years after school. Or can things change?

Pairings: Blam, Bram, Klaine, Samchel, mentioning of other canon pairs as well as non-canon (come one this is Glee, what's not on in the show yet can happen the next ep and you know it) pairs, plus there will be OC's (only for some purposes I ruthlessly _used_ them *muhaha*)  
Rated M for language and adult themes and generally to be safe.

**Imagine Me And You**

„So… this is it?"

Sam hadn't intended to make it sound like a question. He knew it, Blaine knew it, and there was no way that he could put it off any longer.

He didn't want to break up. But that had been the agreement after all.

"Yes", Blaine said. He looked as if he didn't want it, too. The moon light was shining on his face and it would've been romantic if they hadn't been standing in the parking lot of the school, a few feet away some drunken teenagers who surely hadn't gotten their booze at the Prom.

"The last weeks were really, really great, Sam. I'm so glad it didn't turn out badly. Not all best friends can go easily from friendship to dating."

"We could've done everything." Sam smiled but feared it looked broken. His voice however was clearly shaking. He already spoke in past tense. 'We' was over now in every sense of the word. Blaine would go to New York and be with Kurt. Sam had made arrangements to go to Europe, to travel and work, departing next week.

"Yeah, we could have." Blaine smiled sadly. He stepped forward and touched Sam's face. The blonde closed his eyes, leaning into it, one last touch. One last moment. He felt warm lips on his and kissed back. Two seconds, and he held on to Blaine a few more moments longer before they silently got into the car.

When Blaine parked in front of the house, he squeezed Sam's hand for a few seconds.

Sam had standard phrases on his mind like 'we'll stay in touch', 'we will see each other again' and 'I will miss you' but he didn't say any of them. He nodded as if they'd just ended a usual evening and got out of the car.

"Sam."

Sam shortly closed his eyes, not knowing how long he would be able to hold back his tears, then he turned around in the still open door.

"Watch out, will you?"

"Yeah. You, too."

Blaine's eyes held his for a while until Sam couldn't take it anymore. He broke the contact and closed the door. It was over now.

The jeep drove away. Sam turned around again in front of the door, casting one last glance at Blaine's car.

"I love you", he whispered the words he didn't utter during the last months. Three months they'd been together, and it had been the best time Sam had ever had but from the beginning it had been clear it would end in July.

Because Kurt was waiting for Blaine.

Going inside Sam quietly sang a few words to himself.

"_Don't wanna leave it all behind  
But I get my hopes up  
and I watch them fall every time  
Another colour turns to grey  
and it's just too hard to watch it all  
slowly fade away." (*) _

In his room he fell on his bed, face buried in the pillow. If he'd known this was only the beginning his tears might have been less heavy and his heart might not have felt like ripped in thousand little pieces. But he didn't and his whole body consisted of only pain this night, threatening to fall apart.

* * *

**Three months earlier**

* * *

„Guess what?!"

„They make liquorice scented hair gel now."

"No – what?" Blaine frowned at Sam who was standing at his locker.

He shrugged. "It's a possibility, isn't it?"

"No, I don't think it is or ever will be", Blaine said. "But anyway… guess what?"

He put on an extra happy smile so Sam started to feel warm inside, too. He knew that Blaine had a crush on him for some time already but last week they actually spoke about it. Now Blaine knew that Sam was cool with it, so if he wanted to rave on Sam or look somewhat dreamy at his lips he could. Sam wouldn't hold it against him, they were besties, come on. It just added an extra layer of admiration to their friendship, which was actually a good thing. Maybe Sam couldn't return it like Blaine wanted to but he still liked to be looked at with that loving expression.

"Sam, guess what, come on!" Blaine nudged his arm.

"Give me a hint?"

Blaine inhaled and then busted out: "Kurt just wrote me! He will come to Lima for the weekend! And the best thing is… he said he wants to talk about _us_." Blaine looked so happy that the whole corridor was lighted up, seriously, but Sam narrowed his eyes.

"Don't get your hopes up! You know how last time…"

"I don't get my hopes up. I'm over him." The silly happy smile was still there.

"Are you sure about that?"

Blaine giggled. "No. I mean, I thought so until five minutes ago. But isn't it great? He comes here for _me_. That's gotta mean something, right? Right?"

"Yeah, I suppose so", Sam said, because Blaine wanted him to. He closed his locker door and listened to Blaine's rambling. But somehow he couldn't be as enthusiastic as his friend. Why would Kurt come back? Did he want to be together again with Blaine? Would Blaine agree…? Oh, of course he would.

So… what was all that about the crush on him, Sam? Did it mean nothing or what? Not that it should bug him… but to not be the object of Blaine's adoring attention anymore was kind of disappointing. A little bit like breaking up. Only that this was a bromance break-up so… yeah… they wouldn't really lose each other.

* * *

The days until Friday were horrible. Blaine talked about nothing other than Kurt and that was _so annoying_. Sam had never thought Blaine could ever bug him like that. One day Sam even groused that he should shut up. And he didn't even take it back, he simply left for class.

After that it was lunch time and Blaine came to sit next to him.

"Sam, I'm sorry we haven't talked about you all week", he said. "This is just so exciting for me and… Anyway, let's talk about you."

"No, man", Sam said, eating his mashed-potatoes. "It's okay. I was out of line. You love Kurt, I get it."

"What about Kurt?", Brittany wanted to know. So Blaine told her everything, apparently glad to have found a new listener. Since Sam sat between them he thought of getting up to escape that terror. But then Blaine shifted closer to him, in an attempt to be closer to Brittany, and Sam felt his arm press against his own. So he stayed, God alone knew if this would be the last time he had Blaine all for himself.

Well, in a bromantic kind of way, that is.

"This _is_ exciting!", Brittany agreed with Blaine, then jumped up and started to sing 'Walking On Sunshine'. Full of enthusiasm Blaine joined her. Sam refused to and switched places after all, sitting quietly besides Ryder who was busy with his phone. Everybody else from Glee club was singing and dancing around the cafeteria.

"Oh come on, how much cheesier can it get", Sam mumbled.

"What? Oh." Ryder looked around, slightly confused.

"Who are you texting with?", Sam wanted to know. He knew the looks of a love-struck boy all too well now after watching Blaine watching him for the last few months.

"Uhm, nobody, actually." Ryder put his phone into his pocket. "Just a girl."

"Hmhmmm, just a girl", Sam said. "If only it ever was that easy."

"What do you have to complain about? I never see you and Brittany fight."

"No, we don't. But me and Blaine just did", Sam admitted. He watched the dark haired boy dance and couldn't shake that feeling of having lost him. It was simply awful. Brittany still being his girlfriend wasn't any comfort at all.

"Oh – yeah, I've wondered about you two. I mean, you seemed pretty… close recently", Ryder said.

"We are. Or were, I don't know. Now all he talks about is his ex coming back to town."

"Oh, that sucks", Ryder said. "But maybe it wasn't meant to be? I was fighting for Marley all this time, and then I discovered there were other girls."

Sam side-eyed his friend, not sure how the topic was on Marley now. "What?"

"Look, all I'm saying is… sometimes destiny isn't set in stone."

"It never is", Sam said. "I know that since the world didn't end last winter like it was supposed to. But what –"

He couldn't speak on since the Glee club members returned now, laughing and gasping as if they'd had the time of their lives. Blaine buried his face in Sam's shoulder and for a moment there Sam felt as if nothing had changed. But then Brittany distracted Blaine and he turned his back on Sam and everything was dark again.

He sighed heavy and stood up with Ryder, who wasn't in the mood for all that happy-sappy-time, too.

* * *

Friday finally came – and Sam wished it hadn't because that meant Kurt would be here and take everything he had left from Blaine.

In fact Sam didn't see anything from Blaine when he came to school except one glimpse before he vanished – grinningly – into a classroom. Sam scowled some seconds at the door and then went so his own class.

"Don't", he said to Ryder next to him, who opened his mouth. They had most classes together because they were on the same 'intellectual level' (as Figgins put it) and normally Sam liked him. But not today. He liked nobody today. It just felt like the end of the world.

"Is it about Blaine?", Ryder asked nonetheless.

"You bet it is! Or rather about Kurt."

"His ex?"

Sam nodded. "Today's the day."

"Oh dude… we gotta distract you", Ryder suggested. "You'll get over it soon."

"I don't want to 'get over it'", Sam said, leaning back in his seat and fiddling with his pencil. "Why can't he just stay on New York and leave us alone?"

"Well… then fight for Blaine."

Sam stopped torturing his pencil and looked at Ryder, mouth open for a 'what', but the other boy kept talking.

"Kurt was in Glee club, right? So he knows how it works. Song duel!" Ryder grinned pleased.

"Dude – that would kind of make the wrong impression", Sam said. "It's not like I want Blaine to be my…"

"Silence now!" The teacher came into class and surprised them with an unannounced test. That was enough to direct Sam's mind to others things – at least for a while.

* * *

As Sam came out of class on lunch break, his appetite hadn't restored – and he already hadn't eaten for breakfast.

Then he heard a bright laughter that sounded way too much like Kurt. And it was, Sam saw him and Blaine just vanishing around a corner. So doom had arrived.

As much as Sam thought it wasn't good or necessary to interfere (he didn't even want to) he followed them. They were on their way to the auditorium, that was a public place after all, everybody could be there.

He heard them laughing before he saw them. Kurt was twirling around the stage and Blaine smiled at him as if all his dreams had come true. Sam's stomach suddenly felt like he'd been punched. Blaine was supposed to look at him like that – only him.

He went down the stairs, unnoticed by the boys. It was like a horror movie. Kurt told Blaine how he had realised he wasn't over him and that he wanted to try and trust him again. _Very romantic_, Sam thought, _I wanna try to trust you_. How on earth didn't Blaine see that Kurt – as much as Sam liked him as a friend – wasn't good for him?

Oh my god. Now they approached each other. Sam really didn't want to see this. He stopped and told his legs to turn around but they didn't obey. His eyes were glued to that scene. They were kissing now and Blaine let slip a little giggle like a school girl and Sam felt as if his whole being consisted of only one thought: He wanted to be the one who made Blaine giggle like that. And moan from pleasure. And hold him as close as if they couldn't exist without each other.

He wanted to kiss him.

Sam cleared his throat, first gentle, then somewhat louder and continued his way downstairs.

"Oh! Hey Sam!" Kurt said as they finally parted. "How great to see you!"

"Yeah, well… I can't really return that."

"What?", Kurt and Blaine simultaneously said.

"Sam, what is going on?", Blaine added.

"I don't think you should get back together with him, Blaine", Sam said. "Your life's are too different now."

"We could –", Blaine started, but Kurt interrupted him.

"I don't think you have a right to a say in this matter. It's between me and Blaine. If you would excuse us now…" He grabbed Blaine's hand. Sam bit his lip, took a deep breath and…

"No – it's between you and me, Kurt", he said.

"What?" Kurt stopped and stared at him. Sam didn't feel comfortable at all. Kurt was the big love that finally had returned, he only the side crush. Kurt and Blaine had a history, he and Blaine had comic books. And, most important, Kurt have had time to think about it while Sam kind of stood beside himself and watched in disbelieve how he was about to fight for the _love_ of a _boy_.

"You can't just come to Lima and demand Blaine back. Did you really think he just waits here for you keeping himself locked away from love?"

Kurt frowned and turned his head to Blaine. "Are you and him…?"

"No… we aren't", Blaine said, but it sounded more like a question and he didn't look away from Sam.

"I'm sorry, Blaine, it took me some time to figure it out but I know now… I won't let you go. Back to him, I mean, not without a fight."

Very much to Sam's satisfaction Blaine let go of Kurt's hand and took one step closer to the edge of the stage.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Sam's whole body was tensed but he took a deep breath and looked Blaine right into the eyes.

"Looks like I have feelings for you after all." He smiled warily.

Blaine's eyes widened and then Kurt stepped besides him.

"And since when are you gay, Sam? I remember that it was even too much for you to sing a duet with me and now you suddenly like Blaine?"

"Dude, I was totally okay with singing with you. And what's your point, anyway, not everybody knows whether he's gay or straight since he was five."

"No, but you clearly liked girls. Things like that don't chance, Sam… You are just messing with us, aren't you?"

"Kurt, he can be bi", Blaine said, still looking at Sam who nodded in agreement.

"Oh come on! Bi is just a term that people use –"

"No, it's not", Blaine interrupted him.

Sam felt some tension leave his body. He didn't know why but he felt great, somehow… strong. He locked eyes with Kurt and said: "So, song duel after school?"

"Why would you think that is necessary? Blaine can just decide right now who he wants to be with. Come on, Blaine!" Kurt nodded to his friend who kept looking back and forth between them.

"I… this is… I can't do this", he said, then turned around and left the stage. Sam and Kurt were left facing each other.

Kurt sighed and shrugged. "Well, then. Let's sing about it."

* * *

**A/N** The flashback-story will take some space in the first chapters but then it will continue chronologically!

Songs (not mine!): *High School Musical 2 'Go my own way'; Katrine & The Waves 'Walking on Sunshine'

NOT based on this vid (also not mine) but since it's the same title and it's really good you should watch it anyhow: (YT) watch?v=rMZlXNAC6hk&list=FL3E2VbXv_LiYdXM1dm0zNdw


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews guys! You seriously can't imagine how glad I am. I mean I always think 'nobody will like my stuff' so if you do I'm really happy. :-)

* * *

**Present day**

* * *

"What courses?"

"English and Philosophy."

"Euw."

"I know." Sam sighed and stared at the wall in front of him. Brown in beige, as ugly as dorm rooms could be. But actually he should stare at the papers on the desk. Only that he had already studied (if one could call it that) for the last two hours and this shit got exhausting. Ryder calling was the best distraction he could have hoped for.

Sam had started college only two months ago and already had to study for tests. He had expected college life to be full of parties and night life like in the movies but it wasn't. Maybe his dorm mates were just boring and in other departments stuff was going on, it would've been just his luck.

"So, anyway, she said she needs her freedom", Ryder said. "And I don't care. Let her fish for the rich guys – because that's what she does, I've seen her laying her eyes on this Tyler-guy, ugly and fat and rich like –"

"Ryder?, Sam interrupted. "You can gossip as much as you want about Kitty but what about the big question?"

"What big question?"

"Unique", Sam said. To be fair, he'd been in Germany the whole last year (he'd intended to travel Europe but then got stuck on his second location in Cologne) so he didn't know much about things that had gone down back home. But during senior year – around the time he and Blaine had dated – Ryder had developed a serious crush on Unique who had turned out to be his mysterious internet girlfriend. Of course Ryder had never called her this as soon as he'd known her identity. He hadn't talked to her for months, not even looked at her. He had been freaked out because she had been born as a 'he' – but Sam knew what had been going on in his mind. And heart.

In the end Ryder had confessed to him that he was confused as hell but might have some feelings for her.

By that time she had moved on, and when Sam had come back to the states Ryder and Kitty had been a couple.

"What about her? She's with that… I don't know his name, I don't care."

"Do you still love her?"

"She's still in Lima. Boring, right?"

"So you do."

Ryder sighed. Sam mindlessly browsed his papers and decided to have studied enough. It would've been great to hang out with Ryder but the boy was in Washington, Sam in Columbus.

"And what about _your_ feelings for Blaine?"

"Nothing", Sam said somewhat too quick. "I have a girlfriend."

"Yeah, and four weeks ago you had a boyfriend. And you will have someone else the next time I call. So what about your feelings for Blaine?"

Sam bit his lip. He hadn't even _seen_ Blaine since the night they broke up. Some Facebook messages, that was it. And Sam had been with boys and girls the last year – yes, boys, too, after initially having thought all the gayness in him was only because of Blaine – to distract himself.

But Blaine remained in his thoughts. Maybe that was the reason he hadn't gotten serious with someone else. Or maybe he just hadn't found the right person.

"I don't know", he said into the phone. "He's still with Kurt, so even if I wanted to…"

_He never loved me anyway_, Sam thought. _Not really._

"I'm curious about Kurt. Will I see him in March?"

"Probably. I can't imagine that he would miss the first Glee wedding. But you have already seen him at Mr Shue's wedding, haven't you?"

"Oh, as if I was paying attention to him back then!"

"Right", Sam said.

"Something in the Glee water, right? Exes getting back together, high school sweethearts surviving real life…"

"Are you wondering if you'd still have a chance with Unique?"

"I was talking about Mike and Tina."

"Of course. But do you?"

"Maybe."

Sam needn't hear more. He'd see in March at Tina's wedding how things would turn out. And if he could do anything to just make Ryder and Unique talk, he would do it.

Maybe to distract himself from seeing Blaine and Kurt together but who cared about the details.

* * *

**Back then**

* * *

Blaine wasn't to be seen during the whole lunch break. Sam had the jitters, never sat still and kept making noise with his fingers so Ryder eventually asked what was going on.

"I took your advice", Sam said. "I confronted Kurt and now we're gonna duel with songs and I… I just can't believe it. I mean, it's about Blaine. I never thought… I can't believe what I'm doing."

"Good for you, man!" Ryder punched Sam's shoulder. "I hope you win."

"No, you don't get it." Sam shifted uncomfortably and looked around the table. Everybody was busy with talking, so he leaned to Ryder and whispered: "It's about Blaine's affection."

"I figured that much", Ryder laughed.

"About his love", Sam said. Now Ryder would get it. Now he would be shocked and wonder when Sam had turned gay and maybe not want to sit next to him in class anymore.

"Duh", Ryder said and kept eating. "Just don't do it on the stage afterwards."

"Why aren't you shocked?" Sam frowned. Ryder looked at him.

"About what?"

"Dude, I just told you I'm about to fight for the love of another dude."

"We talked about nothing else the whole week, Sam."

"That was meant platonically all the time."

"Yeah… no, it wasn't. Ask everybody in Glee club. Will you eat this?" Ryder pointed at Sam's dessert and then took it as Sam just sat there and stared at him. He continued his staring at the other Glee club members. What the hell did they think about him…?

Then his gaze met Brittany's and that smashed back some sense in his head. Damn. He still had a girlfriend.

* * *

"Brit, can we talk?" Sam caught up to his girlfriend as she left the cafeteria with other Cheerio's. She let them walk away and linked her arm with Sam's.

"Is it about Blaine Warbler?"

"Yes."

Brittany patted Sam's arm. "I'm so proud of you."

"Wait… what?"

"I thought you got it a few weeks ago when you and Blaine were teaching Glee club but you just kept on being friends", she said.

"_What_? Brit, when you thought I love someone else, why didn't you break up with me?"

"Why would I? Love between two boys or girls isn't cheating. It's okay. You can kiss Blaine and still be with me."

"No, Brit." Sam stopped and pulled her aside. "First of all, who told you that? It would be cheating. And I just… I only want to be with Blaine. No one else." Oh dear, here he was, talking about that unbelievable thing that he still really hadn't thought about because it would blew his mind away, every little bit. But he meant it, that much was sure.

"But Blaine has a real boyfriend", Brittany said. "I saw him and Kurt today."

"Yes, Kurt is back, but nothing has been decided yet."

"But it's _Kurt_! He and Blaine are meant to be, just like Santana and me. In the end, this is how it's gonna be."

Sam frowned and took a little step back. "Do you really think that?"

"Everybody does! But it's okay, Sam, we –"

"Don't say we can still be together", he interrupted her. His heart ached. Had she thought that all the time they had been together? Was he just a filler until then? And what about Blaine and Kurt… The last thing he needed was a list of reasons why he would lose this battle.

Sam turned around and walked away, ignoring Brittany's "Why not?"

* * *

He couldn't concentrate during his last class. He felt cheated by Brittany, although she had meant no harm. And his hope for Blaine choosing him had simultaneously vanished. Who was he to demand something like that? He had nothing to give to Blaine, unlike Kurt. They would live together in New York and go to the same college and Sam didn't even know if he would graduate.

The only thing that kept him from backing out of the duel with Kurt was the thought that Blaine would think that Sam had changed his mind about his feelings when he didn't show up. And as much as it would hurt when Blaine chose Kurt in the end, Sam at least wanted to put himself out there.

His legs were weak and his hands were shaking as he went to the auditorium that afternoon. The nearer he came the more reasons why no one would ever love him occurred to him, and all the girlfriends who had left him were before his eyes. Why should it be any different with boys?

"Oh, you came", Kurt said somewhat bored as Sam entered the stage. The older boy was sitting on the piano chair, facing him.

"Of course", Sam said.

"Come on, Sam", Kurt said as he got up. "Just say this is a joke and move on with it. I mean, what's the point? Why do you think Blaine would choose you over me? Do you know what we've had with each other?"

"Yeah, I do know", Sam said. He put his bag down and inhaled. "That's why I think it's time to move on… for both of you."

Kurt shook his head. Then he positioned himself in the middle of the stage and began to sing a song:

_You need to give it up.  
Had about enough.  
It's not hard to see.  
The boy is mine.  
I'm sorry that you  
seem to be confused.  
He belongs to me.  
The boy is mine. _

Sam let Kurt sing the first verse and then sang the next part. After all that was perfect for their situation.

_When will you get the picture.  
You're the past, I'm the future.  
Get away, it's my time to shine.  
If you didn't know  
The boy is mine. (*)  
_

When they sang the chorus the last time they practically stood nose to nose and shouted the text to one another. Then the background music ended (Sam didn't question anything right now) and only their gasping filled the stage.

Someone in the auditorium clapped. That broke the trance Sam had been in. He retreated just as Kurt did, inhaling deeply and looking into the room. There he saw Blaine coming down the stairs and his heart literally skipped a few beats.

"Wow! This was great! And I can't tell you... I'm so moved", Blaine said. "You both are so amazing singers!"

"Let's get this over with", Kurt said. "I didn't come to Lima to waste my time."

Sam kept looking at Blaine as he climbed the stairs to the stage and then stood between them. He sighed and looked back at Sam.

"Sam..."

Oh no, that's it now, wasn't it? Blaine would say how much he loved Kurt and how he already had forgotten the crush on Sam.

But oh, those puppy eyes. Sam hadn't even had a chance to experience how it would've been to kiss Blaine. Damn his late realisation of his feelings, he so could have gotten a kiss all that months before.

"Sam, I think we should talk privately."

"Okay." Sam nodded and ignored that his legs felt like a lead weight. He picked up his bag and followed Blaine out of the auditorium.

Since school was out, no students were in the halls anymore. But Blaine apparently wasn't pleased with that, he kept on walking until he found an open door to an empty classroom. Inside, he leaned against a table and watched Sam coming in.

"It's okay, I get it", Sam said to prevent the awkwardness. "Kurt is your big love and –"

"Sam!" Blaine interrupted him. "We haven't talked since this morning when you... I still can't wrap my mind around what is happening. Are you seriously... I mean this feels like a dream, it's so unreal."

Blaine made a gesture to show that his head was exploding. Sam smiled warily.

"I can't believe it myself", he said, shrugging his shoulders. "I would have never thought I could… when I saw you with Kurt earlier I was _so_ jealous, dude! That feeling totally kicked me out of my shoes."

"Oh, Sam", Blaine said pitiful. At least to Sam it sounded pitiful. He stood there and didn't know what to do with his hands. Or feet. Or anything.

"I won't be mad if you go back to Kurt", he finally said into the silence.

Blaine looked at him. "It's not that easy. Yes, I love him, but lately I have thought more about you. When there was a chance of getting Kurt back I was so relieved because it's frustrating to love somebody without the chance of it ever being reciprocated, you know?" He sighed deeply. "And now Kurt is here and I'm really glad about that, too, and… I just don't know what to do!"

A little spark of hope appeared in Sam. Blaine had thought about him more. But did that mean anything? After all they saw each other every day, thoughts were inevitable.

"Honestly, I don't know myself. It's all new to me", Sam said. Blaine nodded. He stood and came to Sam, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"Look, no matter what happens, we'll still be best friends and I'll be there for you. I know how confusing it can be to discover your own sexuality."

"You… do?", Sam asked, ignoring the impulse to pull Blaine into a close embrace.

"Yes. I wasn't always sure about it, too."

"Okay", Sam said. Blaine just stood there and watched him for what felt like ages. Sam didn't complain about it though. He knew that look on Blaine from the last months and he had always enjoyed it... strange enough that the question as to why he would enjoy it never had occurred to him. But he loved it now more than ever and watched Blaine's eyes dwell on his lips and then his face reddening as he caught himself staring.

"I... I..." He cleared his throat, looking into Sam's eyes.

"Don't say you're sorry", Sam said. "Please don't."

"Okay", Blaine said. Sam moved in a little bit. How could Blaine choose between him and Kurt when he didn't even know what Sam's lips felt like on his own? Right?

"Sam, what are you doing?", Blaine said softly.

Sam really couldn't tell himself. And he didn't know what to answer. Yes, this was Blaine, his best friend, but also a very cute boy who he wanted to treat right and make no mistakes so that he would stay forever in his life. He froze.

"Let's not rush anything", Blaine said.

"We have been taking it slow for a long time now."

"We haven't done anything, Sam, you just said yourself this is all new to you. How would you know if you're serious about it?"

"How could I if you don't give me a chance?"

Blaine sighed heavily. For one second it seemed like he was about to go with it, then he withdrew his hand and stepped back.

"I can't do this", he said. "It feels like I'm cheating on Kurt."

Sam swallowed down the lump in his throat and nodded. He couldn't do anything else. Then Blaine left the classroom and Sam fell down on a chair, burying his face in his hands, not at all surprised to feel tears under his fingers.

* * *

(*) Song: 'The boy is mine' by Brandy & Monica


	3. Chapter 3

Thaaanks guys and girls :-)

* * *

**Present day **

* * *

The wedding was postponed to April and as Sam arrived in the little Asian cottage in New Jersey apples trees were exploding with pink blossoms, some wafting through the air and settling down in his hair.

"Saaaaaaaaaaam!"

He hadn't even put down his suitcase as Tina threw herself onto him. Of course Mike wasn't far away, too. They talked and then he met Ryder and Kitty (back together), Jake and Marley (still together), Blaine and Kurt (same, unfortunately) and Unique and Tom.

"Only couples!", Sam groaned as he sat down after approximately two hours of chatting and catching up. His eyes landed on Blaine, who looked smoking hot. Kurt never left his side, and the two of them even sang the first (of many to come since it was a Glee wedding) song. A cheesy one of course.

"So you're single?", Puck said. "I have a woman myself but she couldn't come. You know, busy with earning money and stuff."

"I'm sure she is", Sam said.

"You can be glad you're single. Weddings are just made to hook up with somebody. Who do you want, huh? That brunette over there?" Puck spilled a bit of his punch as he gestured with his cup to Marley.

"That's your brother's girlfriend?", Sam said.

"Oh. Right. Then her! I dated her once."

"That's Ryder's girl – anyway, I'm not here to hook up!"

Sam's eyes accidentally landed on Blaine again. One and a half years and it still felt like yesterday.

More of their old Glee friends came and Puck immediately drifted towards Finn as he entered with a girl Sam didn't know.

More songs were sung.

And then the ceremony. Sam stood in the back of the temple and watched Tina cry tears of joy. She and Mike just were made for each other, everyone could see that. Just like Blaine and Kurt. So why, why on earth could Sam not find someone who was made for him, instead of catching himself eyeing Blaine from time to time?

Soon it was his time to perform. He sang with Quinn, Mercedes and Rachel.

_I can't see me loving nobody but you  
For all my life. (*)_

Afterwards San wondered about the fact that Quinn seemed to be here with Santana. Brittany was nowhere to be seen.

"What… is going on there?", he asked as Quinn went off with the Latina. Mercedes fiddled around with a tissue and only looked up shortly, while Rachel shook her head.

"What do you mean?"

"I think they are wedding buddies or something like that", Mercedes said.

Sam frowned. He knew gay vibes when he saw them but wasn't Quinn straight?

Right, like he had been supposed to be straight until the middle of senior year.

Mercedes was talking to Artie now and Rachel put a hand on his shoulder.

"Look who's there! Have you two talked tonight?"

Sam followed her eyes to Blaine and shock rushed through him like he'd been caught in a robbery or something.

"Why?"

"Weren't you good friends in High School?"

"Oh. Right. Actually I haven't –"

"Let's go to them! Come on!" She took his arm and almost dragged Sam towards Blaine who was mysteriously standing alone at a cocktail table.

"Kurt won't be very glad", Sam said before they got into earshot. He bit his lip, not sure if he just had said too much. But Rachel waved it aside.

"Kurt has left already. He needs to be in New York very early tomorrow. Oh, Blaine, hiiiiii!"

Rachel let go of Sam and hugged Blaine, who looked somewhat surprised. Then she said she would get herself a drink and vanished. Sam cleared his throat and turned his attention towards Blaine who at the same time said:

"So… How was Europe?"

* * *

"Kurt."

"I'm Blaine."

"What about Kurt? We can't do this to…"

Blaine shut Sam's mouth with his own, tugging out his shirt and gently letting his fingers run over his stomach underneath. Sam was hard since the moment they had begun talking (okay, maybe since the moment Blaine had suggested to go to his room) and this certainly didn't help.

He decided to ask questions afterwards and rubbed himself against Blaine. Back when they had been together they had been that passionate, alright, but also a bit guarded. Now every touch was like an orgasm itself. Maybe because they weren't supposed to.

Their clothes disappeared, condoms appeared. It was dark in the room but Sam could see and feel just enough. Everything couldn't go as fast and intense as he needed it, needed Blaine, wondered why he had have to wait that long.

Sam blended out all thoughts of Kurt appearing in his mind what wasn't so difficult as warm hands glided over his back, his stomach and further down, directing him towards a tightness…

"Blaine, are you sure?", Sam whispered. They had never slept together before, never had gotten all the way. Blaine had pulled back every time things went 'too hot' – he had never said anything but Sam knew what it had been about. Kurt. Again this boy, always this boy.

"Take me, Sam." Blaine's voice was so rough Sam couldn't do anything else then let his hips finally push forwards. Blaine moaned deeply and Sam thought for a moment he'd come because of that. But his dick remained hard inside of Blaine and Sam started to move.

He just loved it. Blaine's heavy breath on his neck and the sweat on their skin, Blaine's legs enclosing him. Sam closed his eyes and imagined they were in a country house, their vacation house, as a long term couple that was still in love like they had been on the first day.

"Oh, Sam… Sam!"

Sam smiled in the dark, searching after Blaine's lips. Not to shut him up, oh he could cry out his name as many times as he wanted. Blaine's mouth was open wide and Sam licked his lips, tugged in a bit and pulled back again. He also let his tongue run over Blaine's cheek, ear, put his nose into his hair…

The friction got hotter and Sam couldn't hold back any longer. Thrusting a few more times he found his relief, nose still in Blaine's hair, rubbing Blaine's still twitching cock until it shot it's stuff, too. Then Sam tried to catch his breath. Damn… best sex ever.

Sam he got a grip on himself, slowly kissed Blaine (it could be the last time ever) and refused to separate their sweaty bodies. But eventually he rolled over, chest moving fast up and down and fumbled the condom off. It landed besides the bed.

Should he turn on the lights or…?

Sam decided to do so to be able to see Blaine's face. The black haired boy squinted and then smiled at him.

"Sammy… wow. We should have done _this_ a long time ago."

He was right. But Sam hadn't the patience now to dwell in the melancholy of the after orgasm state. Not having any other things to do anymore Kurt came back to his mind.

They hadn't even changed private words about relationships (theirs, Blaine's or whether Sam was in one) after an hour talking about Germany before things had escalated.

"You cheated on Kurt", he said.

"Sam, it's not what you think", Blaine said. "It's… complicated."

"Are you two still together?"

"Yes."

"Then it's not complicated. And you didn't even ask if I was in a relationship."

"What is this now, a lecture? You could have said no, you're an adult."

Sam turned his head to look at a cute (curls were back!) and slightly furious Blaine.

"How on earth should I have said no to that?"

"Is this a compliment?" Blaine raised his eyebrows.

Yes.

_I don't know what it is  
That makes me feel like this.  
I don't know who you are  
But you must be some kind of superstar. (*)  
_

Sam shrugged and turned his head back to look at the ceiling.

"So it's wasn't just a phase? You're still gay?" Blaine said softly. He rolled over and laid a hand on Sam's chest, face hovering over him. Sam breathed in, letting go of his anger that wasn't about Blaine but about himself and his fucking inability to define what he apparently still felt for Blaine.

"I'm bi", Sam said, meeting his gaze. "I've been with boys and girls."

"And _are_ you in a committed relationship?"

"Not right now, no."

Blaine sighed. He moved to lay his head on Sam's shoulder, and the blonde put his hand into his black curls. They were soft and as he buried his nose in them they smelled like raspberry. Still.

Sam closed his eyes and let some memories come back. Like it was yesterday.

"I had the best time with you", he whispered into the curls. The hand on his stomach moved a bit and made him shiver. It they could only lie like this forever.

Blaine moved his head to look into his eyes. "And I with you."

"You went back to Kurt", Sam said. No, he had never forgiven this although it had been their agreement. But somehow he had wished Blaine would see Sam could be everything Kurt was and more. But he didn't. He had left.

"I had to", Blaine said. "Even if I hadn't thought that you were just curious. Kurt and I had promised each other and I – I thought he was the one. I thought it would be magically for the rest of my life."

"Why did you do it? Tonight, I mean", Sam dared to ask. Blaine moved again, this time to lift himself on his elbow. One of his legs glided over Sam's and between them. Sam tried not to get hard again, this was the serious conversation he had waited for since the day they had come together.

"Because it is you, Sam. I never got over you just like I had never gotten over Kurt back then. I don't know what it is with me and not being able to let go. I'm working on it."

"You never… but…" Sam tried to catch one of his thousand thoughts to formulate a question. _Did you love me, do you love Kurt, what now?_

"To be fair, that wasn't the only reason. Kurt and I, we aren't… it's not… but you probably don't want to hear about it."

"Yes. Yes, I do", Sam said. He took back his legs and placed himself opposite to Blaine. Hell, did he want to hear about it.

Blaine took a deep breath and ran his hand over his face. "We're not exclusive anymore. Everybody thinks we're _the_ dream pair and Kurt does everything to keep up appearances but we're in a crisis. Since a year already. It's not… what I thought it would be. Even with couple's therapy. Oh god, he would kill me if he knew I told you about _that_."

Sam bit his lip. Blaine was sad, that was the reason. No one could convince Sam that Blaine and Kurt wouldn't marry someday. They would make it through their crisis and have children and Sam would always be the outsider, the one who never fitted in anywhere.

"I still want it to work with him but… Sam, if you were to stay, I'd be with you."

"Really?" For a moment Sam felt like a dream he never knew he had had come true but the next second he shook his head. This all seemed so irrational.

"Why? You don't know how I feel about you. We haven't seen each other for a long time and don't know if we still would work. And I only have started college, Blaine, it seems a bit selfish now if you'd ask me to move to New York."

Blaine closed his eyes without saying anything.

"And you and Kurt, man, this will work out", Sam continued. "It will always be him, you said it yourself so often. It's gonna work out."

"You're so reasonable", Blaine mumbled.

"You only want to run away now because there's something more exciting on the horizon. But if you stay and make it through it will be worth it. Believe me."

Sam didn't know where his wisdom came from. He had never stayed anywhere. He only wished he had someone to stay with. But that was why he didn't want Blaine to throw his chance to something solid away, it wasn't self-evident to have a Kurt in one's life.

"You sound like the time you convinced me to stay at McKinley."

"I was right back then, wasn't I?"

"Yes. You were." Blaine sighed. He rolled away, leaving Sam cold and lone. Just what he had asked for, right?

_I wish I could just make you turn around  
Turn around and see me cry. (*)  
_

While Blaine got dressed, Sam pulled the covers over his head and closed his eyes, heart heavy as lead.

This hook-up had been the actual goodbye from Blaine, he knew it. Maybe he could find some closure now.

* * *

(*) Songs: 'So happy together' by The Turtles; ‚Superstar' by Jamelia; 'Against All Odds' by Phil Collins (yeah right as if anyone of you didn't know _that_)

* * *

**A/N**: Flashback will go on, don't be afraid. ;-)


	4. Chapter 4

thaaaanks for the reviews! I love reading your reactions (especially when they are positive ;-) )

* * *

**Present day**

* * *

"I am _not_ gonna wait for that. And it will never happen, anyway."

"Oh, come on! You're just blind and stubborn as Blaine!"

Sam shook his head. This time he didn't even pretend to learn. He had called Ryder himself and blabbed about Blaine and what had happened at the wedding for forty minutes until Ryder had interrupted him and told him to wait until Blaine and Kurt were officially broken up.

"Look at Tina and Mike. Look at them."

"They are married. Great for them. What's that got to do with Blaine and Kurt?"

"They are just the same", Sam said. "The ones that are meant to be."

"I don't believe in that kind of stuff. There's always someone else."

Sam sighed. "Kitty again?"

So the next hour was spend with Ryder's complaints about Kitty and Sam didn't dare to ask about Unique.

As they'd hung up Sam stared into the air for a few moments. He had thought about Blaine the whole last week and now it had to be over. He had to finally move on.

One month later Sam knew that's not how things worked. Deciding something and then it was done. No. He couldn't stop thinking about Blaine, and it never stopped hurting. He had sent him back into Kurt's arms although he could've had him for himself. How _stupid_ was he?

_Meaningless to fight for the victory_  
_Meaningless to fight for your sympathy_  
_I just wanna drown in the heart of misery._ (*)

Sam was in the sport studio almost every day. To feel his muscles ache relieved the pain of his soul, and also it kept him in shape. That was what boys liked on him.

Yes, right now he had only eyes for boys. Preferably with black curls. But Sam knew the best way to heal a broken heart was to love again and that's why he dated Jack. Commitment was the key.

That's why he wasn't afraid to attend to the next Glee wedding. Well, half-Glee, Artie and some unknown chick. Nothing would happen with Blaine anyway because he and Kurt would be whole again but with Jack there Sam could tell himself it was completely his own doing that it didn't happen.

* * *

**Back then**

* * *

It was Ryder whom he texted after pulling himself out of the worst misery. Not Blaine as it would have been before this morning. Things already had changed and Sam didn't like it.

'_i'm with me dislexia cousellor but i send help to your house'_ was the answer Sam got when he stood in the kitchen, having decided that this emergency called for a food exception. Meaning he allowed himself to eat, at least a peanut butter sandwich.

His host parents were out, Burt still working and Carol at one of her friend's houses. Sam had found the note on the fridge and was quite happy about this alone time. They only would have asked questions after seeing his whiny face.

Kurt's bag in his old room didn't exactly cheer him up, too. For the night Sam would lock himself in his room, that much was clear.

With the sandwich in his hand he went into the living room and turned on the TV. Only that he didn't see a thing from what was on, his thoughts kept replaying the moment with Blaine again and again. So he was actually glad when the doorbell rang, even after he had forgotten to tell Ryder to please not send Kitty as 'help'.

The first thing he saw was a bottle of champagne in front of his face.

"Dude, I don't drink to solve my problems", he said.

"I know it's lame but Ryder told me it was an emergency and this was the first thing I gripped from our store cupboard", a female voice said. Sam took the bottle and was just glad it was not Kitty, but Marley who stood there.

"Thanks anyway", he said, still not sure if he wanted to or even could talk about his Blaine problems with Glee members who only knew him as straight. But judging by what Ryder had said they maybe weren't as clueless as Sam himself had been all this time.

Also he knew that he could trust Marley. They were buddies in poverty and unpopularity.

"So, what's going on?", she asked as Sam led her to the living room. "You had a fight with Blaine?"

"Kinda." Sam distracted himself with switching off the TV and offering her a non-alcoholic drink. Sadly that was done quickly and he found himself sitting on the couch, facing Marley and wondering where to start.

"Have you heard that his ex is back in town?"

Marley shook her head and Sam took a deep breath. "Well, he is, and he wants him back."

"Okay... that's great. Or not?"

"It really isn't", Sam said. Marley quickly shook her head.

"No, it's not."

Sam felt his eyes tearing up again, he just couldn't help it. On the way back from school and during his time alone in the house he had tried to convince himself that he should've not expected anything anyway and that it had been so obvious Blaine would choose Kurt and that he could take it like a man.

But he couldn't. It was quite embarrassing and suddenly he was glad it was Marley instead of Ryder on this couch because he had never shared tears with another dude than Blaine and Ryder would have been uncomfortable. But Marley was a girl and this kind of made it okay to cry.

"It's just not fair! I didn't know what I felt for him all this time and now he's back with Kurt. I didn't even have a chance..." Sam wiped his eyes but his cheeks kept getting wet. Marley slid closer to him and put a hand comfortingly on his back.

"Have you talked to him?", she asked.

Then Sam heard himself telling the whole story, starting on Monday when Blaine had first told him that Kurt would come to Lima. It was the first time he told it knowing what really had been on his mind and it felt kind of liberating. Except that nothing was good and Kurt still was in town.

"Oh, oh god", Marley commented when Sam blew his nose with a tissue that had magically appeared in front of him.

"It's a disaster", Sam said.

"I had no idea you felt this way about Blaine. Or even that you were bi", Marley said. "And what Brittany had said also wasn't very nice. I'm so sorry, Sam."

"Ryder said that the whole Glee club knew what was going on", he said, watching her face for a reaction. But she just shook her head.

"Me and Jake certainly didn't."

"Oh well." Sam sighed and leaned back on the sofa, staring at the dark TV screen. "It doesn't matter anyway."

"But Sam... Blaine never said he had chosen Kurt. There's still hope."

"No, there isn't. He said it."

"He said it felt like cheating to kiss you because he hadn't made his choice. I'm sure he also wouldn't kiss Kurt now", she said.

Sam sighed. "Really nice of you to –"

He was interrupted by noise in the hallway. His heart stopped – it could've been Kurt after all – until he heard Burt's voice shouting "I'm home". Sam inhaled and leaned forwards to take the champagne bottle from the table and put it beside his legs on the ground.

"Better not let him see this."

"What do you want to do now to cheer you up? Have you eaten?"

"Yes", he said. One sandwich for the whole day counted, right? "And I don't want to eat more, I already hate myself enough."

"Oh Sam... you know, Kitty showed me something so that you can eat and still not gain weight."

Sam frowned at Marley. "Whatever Kitty says can't be good."

"I know, I know! It's just... with my genes and everything..."

Sam straightened up. "What did she tell you?"

Marley shifted somewhat awkwardly there and gestured with one finger to her mouth.

"But you didn't, right?", Sam said. When she didn't answer he let himself fall back onto the sofa. "How often?"

"It was some time ago and Ryder told me to stop", she admitted. "But it's still tempting sometimes."

Sam shook his head. "This is so messed up. Why are our lives like that?"

"Hey Sam! You're gonna get a brother for the night!" Burt came in, smiling and holding a beer can. Sam turned his head around. "I know, Kurt is back. Yeah, great." He put this thumbs into the air and very inconspicuously edged the bottle with his feet to Marley. She bent over to put it into her purse. So that's why girls always brought those things with them.

"That's Marley." Sam introduced his friend, mainly to change the subject.

"Nice to meet you", Burt said.

"Hello Mr Evans!" Marley waved.

Sam started laughing and it felt like the first time in years. But still the thought of Blaine and Kurt lingered in the back of his head, poisoning his feelings. What if they both came here for the night? He wouldn't survive that!

After Burt had explained to Marley what his real name was Sam decided to leave the presence of the uninitiated. He showed Marley Kurt's room and they put all the stuffed animals on the bed upside down. Then they fled into Sam's room and Marley actually cancelled her date with Jake.

"You don't have to do this. I can be... alone, you know. Sobbing over Blaine."

"Jake just wanted to watch some action movie today so I really don't mind."

"Oh, okay", Sam said, deleting the point 'watching an action movie' from the list of what could comfort him.

Still... he missed his friend. Marley was nice but they haven't ever hung out that much plus Sam wanted to be with Blaine. His raspberry hair gel smell and his silly shoes and his warm smile and...

"Sam? Is that Kurt?" Marley asked, stanring out of the window. Sam joined her and looked outside where Kurt and Blaine – oh gosh no – came up the driveway. They were chatting and laughing and Sam felt like vomiting.

"Yes", he said as he felt Marley's hand on his shoulder. "That's him. Let's get the alcohol."

"That's not a solution", she said as Sam turned to the room and headed to the door. He tried to listen what was going on downstairs but didn't catch anything.

"I just can't bear the two of them being in the house", he said.

"Why don't we go talk to them?"

"About what? No..." Sam shook his head. Blaine had left him standing in that empty room and Sam's heart was still shattered from that. He should come to Sam now... and when he wouldn't Sam would know without a doubt what his decision was. And screw 'remain friends' – as if that could be possible now!

Sam groaned and went to throw himself on the bed. He probably should send Marley home. He felt like whining and being alone.

"Listen... I really appreciate your concern", he started.

"I'm not gonna let you drown yourself in self-pity", Marley said. She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked to the door. "I don't know Kurt but I know Blaine and he wouldn't want you to be miserable."

"He's the reason I'm miserable, no point in arguing", Sam mumbled.

"Still, he wouldn't want that. If you don't want to go downstairs we can play one of those", she suggested, pointing to video games that were lying on the floor. Sam doubted that she knew even one of them – she just didn't seem to be the type of girls who liked gaming – but at this point he was ready to accept the sacrifice.

He got up and was about to ask Marley if she was okay with 'Zelda' when someone knocked at the door.

"Sam? Can I come in?"

Blaine. Sam froze and couldn't move for what felt like an eternity.

Marley nudged him and nodded to the door. That brought Sam back to life. He cleared his throat and called: "Sure."

The door opened and Blaine carefully came in.

"Oh, hey, Marley", he said as he saw her. She already was on her feet.

"Hi Blaine! I'm downstairs if you need me."

That was clearly meant for him but Sam just stared at the black haired boy in his room. As the door was closed behind Marley, he came a few steps towards Sam.

"How are you?"

"How… am I?"

Blaine just looked at him so Sam disbelievingly shook his head. "You rejected me, how do you think I am?"

"What? No, Sam, I didn't... _reject_ you! I'm still not sure what to do."

"Oh", Sam made. So Marley had been right, who would have guessed that.

"I was wondering if we all could spend some time together. Kurt is okay with it."

"Are you sure about that?"

"He just was surprised today, Sam, he doesn't hate you or anything…"

"He sure doesn't like that I elbowed my way between you two."

Blaine chuckled and came closer to Sam, reaching for his hand. Sam let him take it, and let himself be pulled to the door. He somehow was too occupied with the feeling of Blaine's warm fingers on his own to complain or even think about anything and in a blink of an eye they were standing in the living room. Of course by then Blaine had let his hand go and Sam felt the cold shower of reality in his guts. Kurt was sitting on the couch, casually talking Marley into eating some chips.

"Hey… look who's here", Blaine said.

The two of them turned around, Kurt not as happy about it as Blaine had made it sound.

"Hey Sam", he said nonetheless.

Wow, that would gonna be so awkward. The third wheel. No, wait, Marley was still here, they could easily pretend like this was a normal friend gathering… oh god. Where was the champagne again?

"We could watch a movie", Marley just suggested as Blaine and Sam went to the couch and sat down in the middle. Sam felt somewhat squished.

"Oh, Moulin Rouge!", Kurt said.

"No, Kurt", Blaine said, shaking his head. "Don't."

Kurt made a grimace. "It was worth a try."

"Why don't we play a board game, that's more communicative", Blaine said.

"Do you have Monopoly?", Marley asked Sam, nudging his arm.

"Yeah, uhm… I think so."

"In case you didn't know, this is actually my home", Kurt said. He went to a cupboard and opened it, letting them see the inside with stacked board games.

So they played Monopoly in the kitchen because of the table with chairs around it and also because Burt wanted to watch a game on TV.

It was horrible. Kurt laughed too much, Blaine desperately tried to talk the same amount to him as to Sam and Marley threw ridiculously cheerful looks to Sam who wasn't sure if this was about her winning or if she was trying to tell him she thought Blaine liked him better than Kurt.

What of course he didn't.

And it also didn't solve his problem that he had to spend the night in the same house as Kurt. He tried not to think about it but every time Blaine or Marley looked at their watches he got frightened and wanted to tell them to never leave.

* * *

(*) Song: Heart Of Misery by The Rasmus


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for your reviews guys and girl ;-)

* * *

**Present day **

* * *

It had been another year.

Sam crimped his fingers in Blaine's back and pushed into him. He would have let Blaine top (Jack had shown Sam that it didn't have to hurt) but Blaine had begged Sam to fuck him. So he did, moving back and forth with Blaine's hips supporting the rhythm.

One bloody year.

Blaine wouldn't stop moaning his name, long and deep and heavy. With every thrust another cry.

"Sam! Sam! Oh god Sam!

Blaine's cock was being squashed against his stomach but he didn't seem to care. Sam had tried to strike it, to be gentle, but Blaine had taken his hand and placed it on his butt.

Alright then.

They hadn't seen each other a whole year but it felt like time had stood still.

Sweat was running down his forehead and Blaine's finger bruised into his ass as if to push him deeper in. They were gliding towards the bed and as Blaine's head hit the top of it and wouldn't allow Sam to pull him back a bit Sam knew something was wrong.

As hard as it was he stopped in his track, objecting to Blaine's silent request to keep moving.

"Are you okay?"

"What?" Blaine opened his eyes and lifted his head, looking around in confusion. "What are you doing? Go on!"

He tilted his pelvic and Sam bit his lip. "You… you are hurting yourself, come on, let's move back a bit."

"Sam." Blaine leaned towards him, hand in his neck and running his hot wet lips over Sam's cheek to his ear. The fingers of his other hand sank into Sam's already testy balls.

"Keep. on. fucking. me."

"Okay." Sam breathed in, and quick laid a hand on Blaine's back of the head as the boy sunk back. They picked up their rhythm but this time Sam pushed Blaine against his hand instead of against the bed. He didn't seem to notice.

As Sam had finished he pulled out and turned around. While sitting he removed the condom and then put on his boxers.

"Woah", Blaine moaned, still breathing heavily.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Huh?" Blaine opened his eyes and searched for Sam's.

"You think it's your fault again, don't you?"

"Can we… talk later? I'm kind of exhausted."

"You go to Kurt right now and –"

"Would you stop talking about Kurt right after we had sex?" Blaine's energy seemed to be back without limitation. He sat up and glared at Sam who was now standing at the side of the bed.

Disaster had started its course as Jack had cancelled the wedding at the last moment due to a family emergency. Or maybe as Blaine had told Sam that he and Kurt were broken up. All Sam had heard out of it was 'at the moment' and all Blaine had done was look at him and touch him and whispered into his ear…

It had led to this exact moment.

"I told you we're through. For good. Why do you even think of Kurt now?" Blaine's voice got softer. He pulled the blanket to him and wiped his stomach.

"Oh come on. You'll end up together again in no time."

"No. Not this time."

"How can you be sure? You've always told me you are soul mates. Meant to be."

Blaine shook his head and gestured Sam to sit down beside him. He did and Blaine pulled him closer, embracing him, laying his chin on his shoulder.

"That doesn't mean it can't end", he said quietly.

Sam turned his head a bit. "Aren't you sad?"

"It's over since ten months. Officially, I mean. I'm good."

"Okay", Sam whispered, not sure if he believed Blaine regarding the 'not getting back together'.

"So… that was nice, huh?" Blaine's hand glided over Sam's stomach. He lifted his head and said into Sam's ear: "Can't wait for the next wedding."

Sam pushed a smile in his face. He hadn't told Blaine he was in a relationship. And he wouldn't be any more back home, Jack could go screw himself. Boys (and girls for that matter) were too distracting and not distracting enough. As long as he still had feelings for Blaine dating just didn't made sense. And how could he get over Blaine if they kept hooking up?

"Or… do you want to come visit me sometime without a wedding?"

Sam gulped. "I… don't know."

"Do you have someone?"

"Yes, but… I mean…" Sam shrugged. He would risk his heart being broken again if he let himself hope Blaine could be his and then ended up with Kurt again.

_I get my hopes up  
and I watch them fall every time. (*)_

"Oh. I didn't know that."

"It's okay. I could have told you, I'm an adult."

"Yeah." Blaine stared at Sam, so close his face doubled if Sam didn't focus on it. His curls were sticking out to all sides and he smelled fantastic, like man and cum and just Blaine. Just now it seemed to Sam he was all he'd ever needed. And right now was all he could ever get. More than hooking up was just not possible_._

"What are you thinking of?", Blaine whispered, tugging on some blonde hair strands.

"You of course."

Blaine smiled. "I'm thinking of you, too."

He leaned a bit closer to Sam's ear. "Have for quite a while now."

"A while…?"

"Mhm", Blaine hummed. His fingers stroke over Sam's chest and teased a nipple.

"Like… sex or… more like…"

No. He couldn't ask if Blaine loved him. Come on.

"Yes, wanky thoughts."

Damn. Well, good, but damn.

Sam gave Blaine what he wanted and when he flew home the next day he felt somewhat used. In a good way. But damn, Blaine would never love him as he loved Kurt. Maybe it had been a mistake to enter that relationship as the official second choice. Because how could things that start like that ever change?

* * *

**Back then**

* * *

At some point Carol came home and welcomed Kurt. While the boy was gone talking to his parents, Sam and his both friends decided to move the party upstairs. Planning ahead, Sam got four champagne flutes out of the cupboard. It was Friday night and they were Teenagers, no one could make him believe it wouldn't happen. Maybe he would even initiate it since drinking could lead to friends staying the night.

"Here", he said as he put the flutes onto his bedside table, while Blaine and Marley were busy going through his video games, comics and whatever was lying on the ground as well.

"You wanna drink?" Blaine sounded surprised.

"Don't you after that day?"

"I'm not sure if the Hummel-Hudson's are okay with that", Blaine said.

"It's just champagne", Sam said. "No one will get drunk from that."

"I might", Marley said. "I can't take much alcohol."

"Well then you won't get any." Sam grinned.

"I brought the bottle, of course I will!" Marley jumped up and got to her purse while Sam's eyes were magically drawn to Blaine. He smiled at Marley and then at Sam as he returned the gaze. In this moment Sam just wanted to hold his friend and nothing else. It almost hurt to stay put.

'Luckily' Kurt came in and reminded Sam of why he hated his life.

They sat down on the floor in a circle and Sam drank his first glass of champagne like it was water. He took some more and was just glad that Kurt didn't drink and Blaine also seemed reluctant. More for him. Well, and Marley, but she had said herself she wouldn't need much.

They played one more round of Monopoly. Then Marley said something about leaving and Sam looked horrified to Blaine and Kurt before he jumped up and grasped her arm.

"Don't leave me!", he mumbled.

Marley sighed, looking at the boys on the floor.

"But it's late", she said. "I can't stay the night."

"You know what? Blaine could end all this crap right now", Kurt said, standing up himself. "Just make your decision. Who's it gonna be? Your soul mate or the boy you once had a crush on?"

Blaine looked very uncomfortable. As he finally got up, his lips were pressed together tight.

"If I decide now you two are gonna kill each other during the night", he said.

"Oh, come on! We all know who it will be in the end!"

"Kurt, stop", Blaine said quietly. The older boy crossed his arms, silently shaking his head.

Sam's heart sank to his boots. He felt like Blaine had already decided and just didn't bring up the courage to say it. It surely would be the end of their friendship, too – oh, why did Sam have to have his revelation? Why couldn't he just continue to be Blaine's best friend and nothing else?

Marley bumped his elbow. "You could ask Ryder if you can sleep over."

Sam nodded without taking his eyes off of Blaine.

"There", Kurt said, but nothing else and Sam didn't react to it.

"Okay, uhm… I'm gonna go now", Marley said after some more seconds of silence. Sam finally got a grip on himself and turned to her, not being able to imagine how awkward this all had to be for her.

He walked her to the door downstairs. As they were in the hallway, she said: "Are you gonna be okay?"

"I don't know."

"Go on, ask Ryder now. I'm waiting until he answers. I mean, if he says no we can go ask Jake. He will understand. Or if everything fails my mother will sure let you crush on the couch."

"Thanks, Marley", Sam said, getting his phone out. He'd never appreciated her enough, he saw that now. But what did it all matter as long as Blaine and Kurt were alone upstairs?

Ryder didn't ask questions, he just said Sam could come over. The blonde took a deep breath. At least he still had friends.

As Marley was gone, Sam almost didn't want to go back upstairs. But they sure had left his room by now…?

He carefully walked in. Blaine was standing in front of the window, looking out while Kurt was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey…", Sam said, nervously rubbing his hands.

Blaine turned around and smiled at him. It was a sad smile. Sam wouldn't take the word out of Blaine's mouth, he would let him do all the talking. But he knew what was coming now. Somewhere between the liberation of finally letting himself feel strongly for Blaine and the tension about who Blaine would choose Sam had realised how silly it was to hope it would be him.

"Sam, I…" Blaine frowned with sympathy and looked directly at him. "I'm sorry. I have to try it with Kurt again."

Sam nodded and luckily Blaine spoke on because he wouldn't have known what to say right now.

"I feel so bad to reject you, Sam, this is not easy for me. I still have feelings for you, too, but…" He shrugged helplessly.

"Yeah, no, I know. Kurt", Sam uttered. His whole word collapsed around him and he tried his best not to let it show. But biting his lip all the time started to hurt and he felt tears running over his cheek. Again. Oh God.

Sam quickly wiped them away.

"I'm really hoping we can still be friends", Blaine said. "But if you need distance I totally get it."

Sam nodded again. Blaine sighed deeply and came a step closer, silently asking if a hug would be okay. Sam let it happen, maybe he shouldn't have but he feared this would be the last he got of Blaine for a long time and right now nobody else was here to hold him.

They stood still for some moments, Sam pressing Blaine against himself and Blaine's arms tight around him, too. Somehow it comforted Sam. Who knew if they would have worked out together? Maybe Blaine saying no was saving their friendship on the long run?

As Blaine was gone Sam just felt empty. Without thinking about it he packed his bag and went to Ryder.

* * *

"So the soul mates are back together now. What else."

"I don't get it – what even does that mean, 'soul mates'?", Ryder asked.

"I don't know, you have to ask them. I think it's about the connection they have or something." Sam shrugged. He didn't want to think about it. About Blaine or Kurt or anything related. He had cried his eyes out on his way to Ryder only to hide his tears as soon as he'd come here.

"Oh, hm… well than maybe I get it."

Sam looked up from his magazine. He was lying on Ryder's bed because the brunette was on his desk chair, staring into his PC.

"Why? Who do you have a connection with?"

"There's this girl I met online…"

"Who is she?"

Ryder turned in his chair and bit his lip. "Don't laugh, okay? I don't know. I have never met her in real life."

"But… how do you know you have a connection then?" Sam frowned, not getting all that online dating people were into. He didn't even own a computer, he had to share one with his host parents.

"A connection is not physical! It's what we tell each other. I trust her, I feel like I know her since, like, forever!"

"But you… don't."

"I feel so comfortable with her, I have told her things I've told no one else before ever. We have something, Sam, and I don't care if people don't get it."

"No, dude, it's – it's okay. If you feel that way it means something, right?"

"Yes." Ryder nodded and returned to his screen, leaving Sam enough privacy to stare into the air.

This morning. He had been struck by the light of realisation this morning and things had gone so fast from then on. Until Blaine had rejected him that is. From that moment on time had decided to stand still.

It hurt when Sam thought of the last hours. But there was this other side, the new found love in his heart that just had gotten the chance to come out and when he concentrated on it and nothing else everything felt good. All the last months with Blaine, they were there, they were his and they had meant so much. They hadn't been together in any other way than friends but in retrospective Sam knew it had meant the world to him. Still did. He had had Blaine for himself, enjoyed his laughter and his sometimes dreamy looks, knowing it was meant for him.

_Can we bring yesterday back around  
Cause I know how I feel  
About you now. (*)_

But now those looks were Kurt's again and when Sam thought of kissing Blaine it only ripped his heart apart. Cause he could've had it and now he had lost it forever.

* * *

(*) Songs: HSM 2 'Go My Own Way' (yeah, again, reprise and stuff); 'About you now' by Sugar Babes


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for your reviews, I'm so glad you like to get your heart broken and did I mention I very much enjoy doing it? Okay and I'm bored so I updated sooner as usual. Here's to another round of sobbing *muhahaha*

* * *

**Present day**

* * *

"Teaching just isn't my thing, you know."

"Well, what else do you want to do?", Ryder's voice on the other end of the line asked. Sam shrugged.

"I don't know yet. But I have time to figure it out and until then I go into modelling. As long as I'm young and hot that's a good opportunity to earn some money."

College had been a bitch since Sam had started it one and a half years ago. He'd told himself it would get better but it didn't. Everybody else seemed to know exactly what they wanted. Ryder for example. The year Sam had come back to the states he had gotten into a college for social media – something with making social issues like too few services for the handicapped public or something – and had loved it from the first moment on.

But Sam just couldn't wrap his mind around all that theoretical stuff about teaching and knowing useless facts and that had got nothing to do with his learning disability. After all Ryder had the same issues and he still thrived.

* * *

**Back then**

* * *

After having spent the whole weekend with Ryder Sam missed Blaine even more. But they couldn't go back to being friends any time soon. Sam just couldn't. The minute he saw the black haired boy on Monday his heart stopped and his stomach ached. He needed to be with him. His feelings hadn't gone back to platonic over the weekend. Sam had had time to let it sink in and develop some fantasies that now only added to the torture of not being close to Blaine.

All of a sudden every single exaggerated cheesy love song made sense.

_Never knew I could feel like this  
Like I've never seen the sky before  
Want to vanish inside your kiss  
Everyday I love you more and more (*)_

Sam was all of a sudden in love with a boy. Weird enough (he didn't listen to Ryder who said it wasn't sudden at all). A boy, why a boy? Sam had never even looked at boys. All other human beings with male parts where just this, dudes, friends, people who wouldn't get any special attention from him. But Blaine, oh, he deserved everything that was good in this world. He was beautiful and gentle and sexy. He seemed a whole different person now but Sam knew he was the same as always. He just hadn't looked close enough before.

Sam couldn't breathe when he thought of how tight they had been and he hadn't even looked twice. Only when Kurt had come along and claimed his ex back Sam's feelings finally had given up hiding and hit him, had hit him right into the guts and blown him away. So in one way Kurt's arrival had been good.

In all other ways it had been catastrophically.

But Kurt was gone now. Back in New York. Blaine's face this morning wasn't sad (because he was back with Kurt) but it also wasn't happy (because Kurt was gone).

Kurt, Kurt, Kurt.

Sam sighed, tore his eyes off of Blaine and took the book he needed for History class out of his locker. He knew how the day would be like. He'd sit in class thinking of Blaine just like he had thought of him nonstop the last two days. Sam knew how easy he was ripped from his feet by love but this time it was really heavy. Even his dreams (when he'd manage to fall half-asleep) were about Blaine.

It was so pathetic. With his former girlfriends he at least had had time to eat and sleep and rest his mind in between the love attacks. He'd had time to think reasonably about how he could whoo the girl of his dreams and set his plan into action. Wait a day or even week.

But now every minute of not being with Blaine was pure agony. It almost hurt physically and when Sam had tried to ask Ryder if he knew that feeling he had just answered with "my girl and me we are always together by the power of electricity".

"Sam, hey."

Sam jumped unintentionally and his heart raced, making his hands shake. He almost violently pushed air into his lungs and turned his head. Oh gosh, no one had ever been that cute as Blaine was now, looking carefully at Sam as if he could hurt him by simply eyeing him.

Well, okay, he could but Sam would never blame him for that.

"Hi", he said.

"How are you?"

"I'm – good, really, yeah. And you?"

"I'm so sorry", Blaine said. His eyes were asking for forgiveness, and they were _so_ adorable, and Sam really wanted to dive in and – take a deep breath, approach things reasonably.

"Please, don't be. I was silly. I don't know what I thought, I mean – it's Kurt." He shrugged and very nonchalantly closed his locker. Good, very good. He sounded sensible and not hurt to death. Maybe one day he should pick up acting.

As Blaine laid a hand on his arm Sam almost jumped again. The touch felt like electricity. Hell, Sam was really, really deep into it this time. Like head over heels deep. If he actually had suppressed feelings before now they all were out taking revenge on Sam for ever doing it to them.

Sam pulled himself together to listen to Blaine's heavenly voice.

"…ever guessed that? I mean, I would never _ever_ thought... But oh – You probably don't want to talk about it. I get that."

Figuring that Blaine talked about Sam's newest discovery of boy-love he said: "I guess everybody is curious one time or the other."

Good again. _Make it sound like it is nothing_, _Sam,_ _maybe Blaine will stop feeling guilty then._

Because Blaine felt guilty, Sam could see it in his eyes. And hear it in his half-faked laugh.

"Right, yeah, true. I thought I was into Rachel, one time, too."

"See?" Sam smiled, not really listening. His feelings fought back now, he couldn't bury them deep inside anymore. They were exhausting to live with and even more exhausting to keep in charge. But he had to.

Now Blaine walked him to class and clearly tried to be friends again. Sam knew this couldn't work. But wasn't it worth a try? Better Blaine as a friend than losing him. Or was this the worst torture Sam could do to himself?

"So…" Blaine looked at him, waiting for Sam to say something. Like a decision, yes or no, do you want to continue this charade, do you want to pretend like you are not on fire every time we accidentally touch?

Sam took a deep breath and nodded. To the question he had laid into Blaine's mind and to Blaine.

What were they talking about again?

"Okay, uhm, I… I'm off to my class then."

"Would Kurt mind if we hang out after school?"

Oh no, now he had initiated it. Great, just great. But to be honest, the thought of not seeing Blaine anymore hurt more than the thought of being platonically with him.

"That's none of Kurt's business", Blaine said. "We aren't together. Yet, I mean. The long distance and everything it's just… better to wait until I'm there."

Sam felt like he couldn't stop nodding. What the hell did he just say? _Not together, not together, Kurt and he: not together!_

But they would be! Soon.

"Okay!", Sam said. He started at Blaine.

"But would _you_ be okay with hanging out, I mean, I thought you were… you looked so… you cried." Blaine puckered his lips, looking at the ground and back at Sam who tried not to cry again. He even managed to smile.

"Did I?"

Blaine looked disappointed… no, couldn't be. He looked unsure? He lifted his chin somewhat in the air and blinked.

"Sam, I don't get you these days."

"Look, okay, I was hurt. But I want to be friends, Blaine! I need to be."

"Alright." Blaine took a deep breath and nodded. He threw one last glance to Sam and turned around.

* * *

After having had the day Sam had predicted (was he love sick or in love or was it the same? And with a _boy_?) he went to Blaine's house. Now, he had made a decision. Being friends wasn't an option. He needed to know how Blaine's lips felt on his own so badly. He needed to close his arms around the other boy and hold him like the world was going to end if he ever had to let go. Because it was.

If Blaine wasn't with Kurt right now Sam would be his in-between. Yes, he knew they'd be together in the end and he'd be heartbroken. But that would happen anyway.

They could go back to being friends soon enough. Sam just hoped Blaine would go for it.

"Yesterday you said you still have feelings for me", he opened the conversation – unplanned, but it needed to get out – as they entered Blaine's room.

"Oh, so you _do_ want to talk about it?"

"What, of course!" Sam blinked, distracted from his initial thoughts.

"In school you seemed reluctant."

"I – so what, I am not now."

Blaine nodded. "You need time to adjust. You're not out yet."

"Hey – what are you talking about? I'm just…" Sam stopped and bit his lip. Coming out. As being gay? He wasn't gay. Yes, Blaine was a boy but…

"I'm sorry, I was thinking too fast", Blaine said. "Maybe you just need to experience a bit. That's totally okay."

"Yes. Right." Sam tried to sound steady. The next words were important as – well, nothing. Nothing has ever been that important before.

"So… I know you are going to be with Kurt. But that's in three months, right? What about those months? Don't you want to…"

Damn. No. How would that sound. Oh, do you want to be with me as long as your true love isn't around? Stupid.

"What?" Blaine whispered now, maybe unintentionally, and came somewhat closer. His eyebrows were cross and he looked questioningly at Sam.

"Is that why you're here? To ask for another chance? A chance that is limited and ends when summer begins?"

Sam couldn't breathe again. But there was no point denying it. Their friendship wouldn't last anyway if they spent time together and Sam wouldn't be able to act on his feelings.

He couldn't say whether Blaine was disgusted or just curious. He just kept looking at Sam and Sam simply nodded again.

"Yes."

"I _will_ be with Kurt, Sam. There is no chance of changing that."

"I know."

Blaine searched his eyes as if he could find answers to whatever questions where on his mind. Sam tried to let him see everything but he wasn't sure if it worked like that.

"I know you love Kurt. But you said you still feel something for me, too. And I for you."

"Yeah. I'm still… I can't believe…" Blaine shook his head, running a hand over his forehead. Then he looked at Sam, the questions back again.

"I'm your gay experiment then?"

"If you want to be."

Experiment. That sounded convenient. But for Blaine or for Sam? Who knew. Sam knew it was the only way to be close to Blaine again, as close as he needed to be.

"Well… okay", Blaine said. "I'm okay with that. But I don't want to hurt you. If you're feelings are getting too strong we're calling it off, alright?"

Too late already.

"Yes. Of course", Sam said. YES! His legs were getting all weak now, what do to next? Why couldn't he move? He needed to move to touch Blaine. But what if that would give him a heart attack or something?

"Okay then… uhm…" Blaine laughed awkwardly and rubbed his hands together. "This is… strange."

"Yeah. Blaine, you… I…"

"Don't panic, Sam. Let's order pizza, okay? Are you hungry?"

Sam nodded. He wasn't hungry, only for Blaine. But he hadn't eaten since… since when? Not today. Maybe that would be a good idea.

Blaine pulled out his phone and Sam went to sit down on the bed. He'd sat here so often but now it made his chest move up and down so fast he couldn't keep up breathing. _Breathe in, Sam, relax._

The evening passed like a dream. First they were together like they always had been. But Sam's fingers were all itchy and as he once touched Blaine's hand accidentally he allowed himself to lie there a few moments, having the earlier feared heart attack. As he pulled back Blaine just grabbed his hand and held it, smiling shyly at Sam who only could stare at him. But his insides were exploding.

Only one week later they had sailed far beyond friendship borders and made out at every opportunity as if they were insanely in love although Sam knew he was the only one in the relationship who could have been described like that.

Blaine was only waiting for Kurt.

* * *

(*) Song: 'Come what may' By Moulin Rouge (Movie) (YES I did _that_. We all know it suits Blam better anyhow. Klainers may sue me but I doubt Klainers read this story (and if so you might take a good look at your _true_ feelings because… this is heavy Blam here. Like seriously.)(Kurt isn't Satine or Christian, Kurt is the Duke muhahhahaha okay I'm gonna stop now (I don't hate Kurt btw) (Btw again did you know that 'Heroes' was also a song between the lovers in Moulin Rouge? (In the elephant love medley.) Yup uhum see. Look it up on YT right now, go!)

Okay that was the flashback from now on everything will occur in the present!


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks for the reviews! Remember now there is only **one** storyline, no more flashbacks! Also Ryder is totally straight in my story if anyone gets worried he and Sam might get along 'too well' okay!? ;-) So! Hope you're in for some more heartbreak *muhahahahaahhahahahhhhhaaaaa*

* * *

"You are a good friend. A real friend. Not like Blaine. Oh, no, Blaine is no good friend, has he ever bothered talking to me except when we hook up? See? Bad friend."

Sam had to shout into Ryder's ear because the music was so loud. He had given him a glass of champagne but that had been one hour ago and it still looked untouched. Sam gestured to it.

"Drink! The people here don't like non-drinkers. Or non-smokers."

"Why don't we go then?" Ryder looked insecure and out of place. Could've been because he was out of place at this model party were everybody was a superstitious asshole. Sam didn't know if that included him. But he had had a few drinks himself and couldn't determine that right now.

Sam didn't see Suzanne anywhere so he wrote her a text that he and Ryder left. Outside he breathed in fresh air and stared at the night sky.

"Boy, how can you stand this shit? Didn't you say you want to model until you figure out what you _really_ want to do? Like a year ago?"

"I'm twenty-two, I still have much time to think", Sam said. Coldness crept up to him so he threw his arms around himself. He couldn't see any stars up there, it was just dark. Dark as his soul, haha.

"It's because of the girls, right?" Ryder waggled his eyebrows. Sam wondered if he hadn't come with a jacket but started to walk towards home anyway.

"No. I mean, partly maybe. It's nice to feel wanted."

"Wanted", Ryder said, looking sideways at him. "Not loved? When was the last time you felt loved?"

"Hey! I have Suzanne now!"

"Doesn't answer my question."

"Don't be all… like… You're a bad role model, Mr I-love-Unique-but-she-doesn't-have-to-know."

"Right back at ya! You mentioned Blaine like six times only tonight and you haven't even seen him during the last year."

"Well, have you seen Unique?"

"Yes, indeed."

Ryder started to talk about a trip he and some friends had made, Unique being one of them. Sam thoughts started to drift to Blaine. He would be back together with Kurt by now. And Sam knew it was unhealthy to still think of him. So unhealthy, and painful, too. Only during some times in the night it felt good.

_I'm trying hard to let go  
Let you go.  
But I can't seem to loosen my grip. (*)_

Suzanne knew. When they had met a few months ago she had been heartbroken over her ex and they had bonded about being unloved and left behind. Sam had told her all about Blaine, every little thing. She had told him life was like that. You always love someone you can't have. And somehow they had turned to each other for comfort and intimacy, each being second choice but still first because they were there for each other.

Blaine was unavailable. And whenever the next wedding would come up, Sam wouldn't go. That'd be so much healthier.

* * *

Of course Sam went to the next wedding. It was Jake and Marley's and although he hadn't talked much to them during the last time they were good friends of him. Marley had been his moral support back in the days as he just had discovered to like Blaine, and without her… well, everything would've been the same but still.

Good friends.

"Hell, life has treated you good!" Kurt exclaimed. Sam came to a halt on his way to the bar and looked around. There was nobody, the man did really talk to him.

"What?"

"I mean, look at you! Wow. You were always hot but now… uhuhu! It's the clothes. You dress differently."

Kurt tugged at Sam's shirt and actually tried to see the label. Sam backed away.

"What are you doing!? Your boyfriend will be jealous if he sees that."

"Oh, no, he won't, no." Kurt giggled. "He actually sent me over to check you out."

A shock went through Sam's body. Blaine wanted to have a threesome, oh great. No. Just no.

"I'm here with my girlfriend. That woman over there." Sam pointed to Suzanne at the bar. Her dress was short, very short. (Not that it said anything about her… or did it?)

"Oh, Sam, don't be alarmed. I know you're straight as an arrow." Kurt laid a hand on his arm and giggled.

Sam's first impulse was to not say anything and let Kurt think whatever he wanted. But then he remembered it was _Kurt_ and he just had to know.

"Come on. Blaine told you we dated for a while, or didn't he? Hell! You and I sang a duel to win him!" It was all coming back to Sam now. Kurt had been a bitch.

"Oh, yeah, thaaaaat. Water under the brigde, right? I mean, you realised you're not into boys after all, right?" Kurt nudged his arm.

"Why would you think that? I have been with other men afterwards."

"But just for fun, riiiight?"

Sam frowned. Had Kurt been drinking too much or what was going on?

"I mean, you have never been _in love_ with a boy, right?"

Sam raised his eyebrows. "What does it matter to you? Does your boyfriend wanna know, or what?"

"Hugh? Why would he want to know that?" Kurt threw a glance over his shoulder. "He doesn't even _know_ you."

"Hu- who?"

"Hughoo, yeah, hahaha!" Kurt laughed. Sam didn't. So Kurt wasn't with Blaine, what the…. What? How? Was Blaine even here at all? Sam had looked forward to talking to him, yes, talking. They should talk more.

"So?" Kurt drank a sip from his Manhattan Cocktail and kept his eyes glued to Sam.

"What?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Have you ever been in love with a boy?"

Sam crossed his arms. "If you have to know, yes. I have been."

"Huh!" Kurt looked thoughtful but not surprised. He glanced around and leaned somewhat forwards. "Blaine? Come on! You can tell me."

"Now _that's_ none of your business!" Sam shook his head (hopefully the heat in his cheeks didn't mean they were red now) and turned away. Strange things were something one better forgot as fast as possible. That's why they invented alcohol.

Santana was slow dancing with Rachel. Sam didn't want to know if this was another gay happening or just girls being friends. He seriously didn't want to know. He went to the bar and ordered a drink.

"Honey, you look upset", Suzanne said.

"It's nothing."

Suzanne leaned to him. "Blaine?"

"Woah, would you all slow down a bit! He's not even here! Thanks." The last he said to the bar tender who gave him a Martini.

"Who was it then who you were talking to just now?", Suzanne wanted to now.

"Kurt. Blaine's ex." Sam took a sip. He still couldn't believe the both of them weren't back together. He would have bet everything he'd possessed that they were.

"Oh, Kuuurt." Suzanne glanced around. "The villain. But why was he sweet talking you?"

"No idea. He –"

"Is _that_ Blaine?"

Sam drank another sip and shortly turned his head. Kurt was standing there with a red-head who was even taller than him and, indeed, Blaine. They were talking and actually looking over, so Sam turned back to the bar quickly.

"Don't be afraid, I'm here to keep you from making mistakes", Suzanne said. "And you wouldn't cheat on me anyway, right?"

"Not my style", Sam said, suppressing thoughts about how everything he had done with Blaine was more or less cheating on somebody else.

"Good." She kissed him on the cheek.

"A Long Island Ice tea, please."

Sam heard Blaine's voice beside him and a shudder went through his body. It's not like he hasn't had sex during the last months (he'd had maybe more of it than could be good) but his dick tingled now as if it had slept for a long time.

One and a half year for example. The last time he had seen Blaine.

"Hey, Sam, you're here!"

Blaine sounded truly glad and Sam was, too. He hugged his friend – they were still friends, right? – and held him tight for a moment.

"Blaine, this is Suzanne. My girlfriend", Sam said as they let go.

Suzanne leaned over (one could see too much of her breasts with that gesture, 'one' being the bar tender since Blaine only looked into her eyes) and shook his hand.

* * *

One hour later Suzanne was still sitting at the bar, while Sam and Blaine stood at a cocktail table and watched people dance. Their heads were close together for the purpose of hearing what the other had to say, and they gossiped about their friends.

"Santana and Rachel", Sam put on the table. "I mean, is Santana turning every Glee girl gay now or what?"

"I think that is her mission in life, yeah", Blaine laughed. "But last time I heard from Rachel she had a boyfriend. Maybe it's the alcohol."

They were silent for a few minutes. Sam felt Blaine's arm next to his and would've never thought to enjoy that innocent contact so much. And since they wouldn't be alone tonight other than at this table he lowered his voice and said: "Kurt has a boyfriend? I'm so sorry."

Blaine looked surprised at him. "Why? Better be glad for him. I haven't seen him that happy in years… maybe ever. They are good for each other." He glanced around, apparently didn't see them and shrugged.

"But… what about you?"

"Oh, Sam, I told you I'm over him. And anyway, I have other things on my mind. My Nyada exams are approaching and I just… It's stress pure. I didn't want to come tonight but Kurt talked me into it. Fresh air, he said. Sam will be there, he said."

Blaine looked at Sam and smiled a bit. "Why do we only talk at those events, Sam?"

"I – I don't know." Sam gulped and his stomach fluttered. To talk with Blaine on a regular basis was all he had ever wanted and he couldn't say why he had never tried to set it in action. Maybe because of Kurt.

Who Sam apparently had to thank now because without him Blaine wouldn't even be here tonight.

"It's not like we wouldn't have anything to talk about, right? We're still friends, aren't we?", Blaine said.

"Blaine, of course we are. Bros will be bros!" Instinctively Sam hugged his friend and heard his chuckled sob right next to his ear.

_Now here you are again  
Let's skip the how you've been  
And get down to the more than friends at last. (*)_

Artie, Finn and Puck began singing 'Born this way'. Everybody danced. Sam couldn't see Suzanne anywhere but he didn't care as long as Blaine was at his side. He'd find her sooner or later.

* * *

The following months Sam felt better than ever because he and Blaine held their promise and called each other at least twice a month. Slowly Sam realised Kurt was really out of the picture as a love interest. He and Blaine were still good friends – something that had confused Sam in the beginning – but Blaine told him stories about Kurt and Hugh and didn't sound the slightest hurt so Sam started to trust this new freedom. The freedom of no Kurt waiting for Blaine. The freedom of maybe, someday, Blaine and he could be something.

At least until Suzanne reminded him how things were in life.

"You and Blaine live so far apart. And anyway, has he said he's interested? He didn't show any sign of interest at the wedding, did he?"

"Well, no…"

Suzanne shook his head. "Honey, get over him. You're with me now. And you want it to be, don't you?"

"Yes, of course! You're my anchor", Sam said. He threw his arms around her while she sat at the kitchen island in their loft. She was there for him every day, whenever he needed someone. He couldn't have survived without her. She even pushed him to not forget his goal of finding out what he wanted to do in his life.

She was his Blaine now.

_Never mind  
I'll find somebody like you (*)_

"And you're mine. After the whole disaster with Nicolas…" She sighed and was silent for a few minutes. Sam thought about how they both had been through so much because of love. And well, maybe they didn't feel very passionate about each other but this could be an advantage. They could never let each other down in ways a person that you expected love from could. They just had to do one thing: Keep the promise to be there for each other.

"Marry me?"

"What?" Suzanne jumped a bit and turned around in his arms.

Sam hadn't intended to ask that. Did he really just propose? Because the girl made him feel less lonely? Well… it's not like he hadn't done it before but…

"That… that is actually a good idea", Suzanne said.

"It is?" Sam frowned.

"Yes! Oh, honey!" She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. Sam thought of Blaine. If he had wanted to be together with him he would have said something, right? But the moment he was over Kurt had also been the moment he didn't need Sam anymore.

And Sam didn't need him anymore. That's just how life was. You grow up and don't need love. You only need support.

* * *

(*) Songs: 'Losing My Grip' by Hoobastank; 'Drive By' by Train; 'Born This Way' by Lady Gaga; 'Somebody Like You' by Adele


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for the reviews! It's a bit shorter than usual today but I'm gonna update soon, I promise! :-)

* * *

"I'm gonna come visit you."

Sam bit his lip. "I'm not sure if that's good idea. I mean… the flight. It's expensive."

Excuses, excuses. He didn't want Blaine to meet Suzanne, that's it. But why? The engagement had been his idea after all. Blaine had a boyfriend – obviously, because he had been talking about this guy named Karl – and they were just friends. Okay, one was allowed to visit his friends. But one also told his friends about getting engaged and Sam hadn't told Blaine yet.

He tightened his grip on the phone.

"Well, I'm touring with my crew for our musical promotion and we're gonna be in Columbus next week. Perfect opportunity, right?", Blaine said.

"Oh. Yeah."

"Don't be too excited!"

"What do you want, Blaine, it's not like I can't live without you. Because I can. I do, every day!"

"What?"

Oops, too much?

"Look. If you don't want me to come over, it's okay", Blaine said, sounding slightly hurt. "But I would be glad to see you."

Sam rolled his eyes. Blaine would be 'glad', wow, great. Sam would be overexcited and then disappointed when Blaine left. It would be a rollercoaster ride for nothing.

Again.

But who was he kidding. It was an opportunity to actually see Blaine. So Sam said yes and hung up, already worrying if that was a good idea.

* * *

"So, this is where you live. Wow. Great." Blaine walked through the loft, checking it out. It was huge and looked fancy, mostly Suzanne's doing. Sam didn't really care about interior design. A place to live in was all he needed, no matter how it looked.

"Do you want to drink something? Or eat? We have… huh. Much." Sam rummaged through the fridge. Left-overs from last night. Orange juice. Cheese, salad, something that looked like Mousse au chocolate. Who the hell would eat _that_? He surely didn't and Suzanne neither. They both had to keep in shape, come on.

"Water would be great", Blaine said.

Sam took a glass out of a cupboard and poured water into it. He went to the couch and put in on the table, sitting down, waiting for Blaine to join him.

He had the feeling they needed to talk. But where to start?

"Karl."

Best conversation starter ever. And wasn't it funny how 'Kurt' and 'Karl' were almost the same? Both started with 'k' and were German. Sam would now about that. If Blaine was into German things he should at least show some interest in Sam for his time over there – or maybe their one conversation about it some years ago had been enough for him?

"Huh?" Blaine sat down and took a sip from his water. Sam bit his lip and watched his finger nails. He wouldn't repeat it, he had no right to be jealous or bitchy or whatever he was right now.

"How are things in New York?", he asked.

"Good, very good. I haven't seen Rachel in months, she's busy with her dance group. Santana is somehow gone, too. Kurt and Hugh are just, well, them. They call themselves 'Kugh' but I think their actual name should be 'Hurt' because they are just not bearable! They just talk and talk, both at the same time and I just… argh! You should visit someday, to see the chaos that is my life."

"Hm, yeah."

"And yours?" Blaine nudged Sam's arm and he just shrugged.

"Same old, same old."

Blaine looked at him questioningly so Sam took a deep breath. "I'm still modelling but I think about trying acting. I don't know if I would be good or where to start but…" He shrugged.

"That's great, Sam! Start with classes. Do you already –"

"I'm hoooooome!" Suzanne cried from the entry. Sam rolled his eyes. And there it went, his alone time with Blaine.

"Oh, Blaine! Hello!" Suzanne stormed into the living section and hugged Blaine who had gotten up. Then she held out her hand.

"Look, isn't it great! Sammy has been spendable!"

Her ring with a blue stone glittered on her finger. While she grinned and threw kiss mouths to Sam, Blaine took her hand and stared at it. Then he looked at Sam. Suzanne went away already, talking about a girlfriend of hers.

"Are you…"

"Engaged. Yeah. I was gonna tell you", Sam said.

"That's… nice. Great."

Sam nodded but he didn't feel Blaine's joy about that engagement. And in the next moment he said something about his crew and how he had to go now.

Sam walked him to the door.

"Will you come again while you're in –"

"Sam, can I ask you something?" Blaine had turned around and looked at him, standing right in front of the door, arms crossed.

"Of course."

"Are we over? Like for real?"

Sam gulped. The first moments he didn't know what to say or even feel. Brain and feelings were fighting and all he could utter then was: "Aren't we since senior year?"

"And the weddings?"

"I – I…"

"I'm _so_ stupid", Blaine said, running a hand over his face. He laughed, he actually laughed and shook his head and his eyes watered up. Then he clenched his fist and stormed out, door slamming behind him.

Sam stared at it.

"What?"

His legs were frozen, he couldn't move.

_Was it something I said or did  
If you leave me hanging I don't know what I'll do (*)  
_

"Honey, do you want a glass of wine? I'm opening a bottle. Oh, and Yoko comes over in a few."

Suzanne's voice ripped him out of his trance. Finally Sam opened the door and ran down the stairs.

But Blaine was gone already.

* * *

Sam had had a lot time to think about Blaine's reaction last month. It had been clear that he still had nurtured some hope for them, right? Sam wasn't making things up, was he? Ryder said so, too. Suzanne said it could've been nostalgia and not really something current. So Sam had called Blaine to ask him and he had said he had been in a bad mood.

"A bad mood?", Sam said. "You – you slammed the door into my face."

"My crew was waiting for me."

"I'm not stupid, Blaine. I mean, what did you expect? We have seen each other three times in what, five years? We slept together twice and the third time we only spoke about other people. How can you still…" Sam puckered his lips, wondering if he spoke to himself. How could he still want to be with Blaine?

But he had tried to move on. _Look at Suzanne._ He tried. He wasn't guilty of being stuck on purpose… was he?

"No, I know. It was just the day, I was in a weird mood. New city, first tour with my first gig after Nyada and I… wanted something to hold on to."

"Huh", Sam made. So Blaine didn't love him? He had just wanted someone to fuck… had he?

"We should have never crossed the line in the first place", Blaine said. "It's my fault."

"Excuse me?"

"I mean... not fault, but… it would've been better if we hadn't…"

Sam clenched his fist. Next thing he knew he had hung up. He never did that, interrupting conversations on the phone like that. But now… no. Blaine, how could you, what had happened to 'best time of high school'? Because it had been Sam's best time. In his whole fucking life until now. He wouldn't let Blaine talk it down.

_All this time you were pretending.  
So much for my happy ending (*)  
_

Well yeah, maybe it was time to actually move on. But that didn't mean the past was unimportant.

* * *

Blaine didn't call, he didn't even try to redeem it. It was Sam again who called the next time, and they spoke about Karl (yup officially his boyfriend) and Suzanne and 'Kugh'. After ending the talk, Sam felt emptier than ever. And he didn't tell Suzanne any of it.

His last model job had ended and Sam walked aimlessly through the city. It was two pm and he was used to working until six. But he wanted to change his job anyway. He took some flyers of acting classes from a college and went home.

Suzanne was on the couch, some model working his way down on her. Sam actually dropped his flyers but that didn't make any sound.

"What the hell?", he said. Now they heard him. The man sprang up and said "Not what it looks like!" while Suzanne just sighed heavily.

As the stranger was gone, Sam poured himself a glass of champagne (open bottle standing on the table, why waste it).

"After all this shit about trust and safety and…", he mumbled.

Suzanne glided on a stool besides him.

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? You just cheated? You – wait a minute. That wasn't the first time, was it?"

Suzanne didn't even look guilty. She just shrugged. "And since when do you care? You have your little affairs yourself."

"I don't!"

"Oh, don't tell me you hadn't fucked Blaine if I hadn't interrupted."

"No!"

"Honey, it's okay!" She laid a hand on his shoulder. "We can still get married. After all, we are about commitment, right? Not love. Hey, you can sleep with anybody you like, too."

Sam stared at her for a moment, then drunk his glass in one gulp.

She was right. He didn't stay with her because he loved her, that had never been the case. She had told him how life was and the more Sam went on with his, the more he saw it was true. Blaine was farer away than ever. One step towards him, two steps back. Kurt or not, it would always be that way with them. They just weren't meant to be.

"I've been thinking about moving to New York. The model business there is just _the_ thing and my career needs a little push. What do you think, hm? You can take up acting there. And you can see your friend whenever you like."

Suzanne was whispering into his ear now, her hand stroking his thigh. Yeah, she hadn't gotten what she needed, had she? But Sam let her pull down his trousers and climb onto him, thrusting a bit but she did most of the work. If she were a man he'd be bottoming every fucking time. But it didn't matter. They'd move to New York and he could see Blaine from time to time on a friend basis. This was better than any idea he could have come up with himself.

* * *

(*) Songs: 'Was it something I said' by Brandon Flowers; 'My Happy Ending' by Avril Lavigne


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you guys. And I'm sorry, really sorry.

* * *

Would it be possible to be just friends with Blaine or would it be better to not see him at all?

Of course Sam had sworn himself to move on and he _was_ working on it. But living in New York made it somewhat harder.

Yeah, here he was now. Because Suzanne wanted to become a famous model. Now she was pushing him to go see Blaine, while at other times she needed to hear that Sam would never leave her. Maybe she had some kind of a schizophrenic problem? Or it was her job. Nobody could be a model in the long term and stay sane.

It had only taken half a year to find an apartment in Manhattan and move here. It had been Suzanne's choice. Manhattan, that is, the apartment had been Sam's idea. It was a nice change to the loft. It felt more serious, somehow... more grown-up.

He invited all his friends that were living in New York for a little get together in the second month living there (Suzanne had taken her time with unpacking). But all he really wanted was to see Blaine, so naturally he didn't get overenthusiastic as Rachel showed up first – and drunk.

"Rachel? I thought you were…" Not coming? Had he even invited her? Well, Sam had told Kurt to spread the word, that would explain it.

"What? I'm not gay", she said, throwing her hair back and swaggering through all rooms. They were neat and clean (Suzanne was in Brooklyn for the weekend) and Sam hoped the party wouldn't ruin the tidiness… too much.

"I didn't think that." Sam frowned.

"Good! Because I'm not! What, don't you want to offer me a drink?" She pressed her finger into his chest and let her hand ran over it. Sam wasn't sure if this counted as sexual harassment. He just turned away and mixed her a drink. One for himself, too. It was only seven, people wouldn't show up for quite a while.

One hour later he was sitting on the couch and felt quite sorry for himself.

"And he said something like he feels stupid and ran away and I couldn't catch up. After that we only talked about unimportant things!" Sam whined, he knew it, and he didn't care. He had opened the bottle of Whiskey (Rachel's idea) and somehow it was half empty already.

"Oh no! Poor Sammy."

"Yes!" Sam drank another sip. He should stop drinking now, the guests would arrive soon. But then he remembered something and turned to Rachel.

"Is it about Santana?"

Rachel made a sudden movement and spilled some Whiskey on the sofa.

"What?"

"You can tell me! I told you about Blaine!"

"I knew everything about you and Blaine from Kurt, anyway", Rachel giggled. She held her glass in front of her mouth and nuzzled it, and it might have been that Sam's eyes lingered a few moments too long on her lips.

"You two are so pathetic", she said.

"What has Kurt got to do with it?"

"Oh you know him!" Rachel pushed the back of her hand against his arm. "He likes to talk."

Sam didn't know how or why but over the last half an hour Rachel has become a lot more attractive than she ever had been before. She was so different to Suzanne. She was a brunette for starters. And an old friend. They had never really talked much but she seemed to understand him now.

She emptied her glass and put it on the table, then threw her arms around him. Right… things were not going as planned.

"Sam, you are staring", she giggled.

"Well, you shouldn't be that close if you don't want…"

He stopped talking as she came closer. And as their lips met Sam put his hands around her waist and pulled her closer. She straddled him but Sam didn't want to be bottom in a straight sex scenario again. He turned her over and laid her down, shoving her skirt up. Rachel was either a slut or had problems herself because she quickly stripped off her tights and pushed down his jeans just enough so that she could grip him.

Sam buried his face in her dark (somewhat _curly_ he realised in the back of his mind) hair and felt her legs around him, gently pushing him towards her. She stroked his now hard dick a few times before guiding him into the right position to enter. Sam preferred to not ask any questions now. He closed his eyes, pushed in and started to move.

Rachel was the loudest girl ever (sure his neighbours knew what was going on now) and she actually moaned another name ("Sant") but Sam told himself she had meant to say his because it almost sounded like it. Because of the alcohol he'd drunken he shot his stuff already after a few thrusts, not thinking about how she felt.

_He was a boy, she was a girl  
Can I make it any more obvious? (*)_

"See? I'm straight", she mumbled as Sam realised he had forgotten to use a condom. But it was too late now.

"Are you using birth control?", he asked as he pulled out and tugged his jeans up.

"Yes. I'm not stupid."

"Or maybe you can't afford not to", Sam mumbled.

Rachel sighed and patted his cheek. "Such a cutie." Then she took her tight and panty and went to the bathroom. As the door closed behind her, the doorbell rang.

"Oh shit." Sam got up and closed his zipper. He checked his hair in the glasses of a cupboard and went to open the door.

* * *

Even Ryder had come. Sam hadn't known he was in town, they somehow hadn't talked much for some time now. They caught up a bit but Sam was very busy with serving drinks to the guests, keeping Rachel on a distance (she didn't think they were lovers now, did she?) and watching the clock wondering if Blaine would still come.

Unique was here, too. Sam spotted his long awaited chance to couple and very inconspicuously talked to her about Ryder. Well, it wasn't that hard since she started talking about him first.

"I don't know what to do, Sam. High school is over since almost six years and he still seems to like me. Isn't that pathetic?"

"Uhm…"

"I liked chatting with him, too, back then. But he was _so_ _serious_ about it."

"There's only two options for you", Sam said. "Either you tell him he has no chance, like, at all. Never ever. But why haven't you already? So maybe you wonder about whether it could be something and if that's the case go on and try it. You have nothing to lose."

Again… he sounded like he talked to himself. But the problem was Sam had told Blaine they were over and now couldn't stand to his word.

Except that he did, was engaged and had slept with yet another girl. No one would ever think he was in love with Blaine. Sam almost couldn't believe it himself, looking at his behaviour the last years. It had started in Germany. All this sleeping around to distract himself from his broken heart. It should have ended back in the States and luckily it wasn't as crazy anymore since he was with Suzanne. But doing it with one person the same amount as with different persons didn't feel exactly better.

Maybe because he felt used afterwards every time.

"You are right", Unique sighed. Sam offered her more punch. Then he spoke to Jake and Marley (she seemed to have gained a few pounds, not that Sam would judge her) and opened the door for Kurt and Hugh.

Still no Blaine.

"Drinks are in the kitchen", Sam said. He went into the living room and stood in a corner, pulling out his phone. Should he write him? Should he say he was sorry (for what?) and just ask for another chance? Like the advice he had given Unique: All or nothing.

But as he looked up his eyes fell on Rachel who was sitting on the couch, looking as pathetic as he felt and he decided to take care of her first.

"You look like you need to go home. Should I call you a cap?", he asked, sitting down beside her.

"No." She sighed heavy and shook her head. "I'm okay. Well, not okay, but you know… okay."

Sam frowned but she just smiled. He couldn't tell if it was fake or real.

"Thanks." She squeezed his hand, and Sam let it go. No talking then, although she really should talk to someone. Maybe not him, alright.

Rachel closed her eyes and leaned against him. Sam laid an arm around her and looked at his phone, still in his hand.

No.

Blaine had said it was a mistake. Everything they had ever done. What wasn't much, admittedly. And he hadn't shown up tonight. Could the message be any clearer?

_I feel so  
much better  
now that you're gone forever. (*)_

Sam put the phone away and reached for his glass.

* * *

(*) Songs: 'Skater Boy' by Avril Lavigne; 'Gone Forever' by Three Days Grace


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks for the reviews guys! It's Blam week starts tomorrow in case you didn't know it... just check the 'blam week' tag on tumblr^^

* * *

His head hurt so badly. Especially when he opened his eyes and the sun hit him right into the face like a professional boxer.

"Uah… what the…"

"Sant?"

Sam sat up straight as a hand grabbed his arm. He turned around. In his (and Suzanne's) bed lay a girl, eyes closed and smudgy from all the un-removed make up.

Damn, right, he had let Rachel stay the night. Because it had gotten late and he had felt sorry for her (and for himself, too). Comfort sex. Not his best move but what of all things he had done lately was.

"I am _not_ Santana", he said. Rachel's eyes flew open.

"Who said you were?"

"You. Last night. And just now. Why don't you talk to her?"

She shook her head and yawned.

"Breakfast?"

"Yeah, thanks. I like my eggs squashed."

Wow, he hadn't dared to talk like that to Suzanne for… wait, he never had talked to her like that. She was so dominant it sometimes was scary. Not that Sam wanted to leave her. But she had said herself – he could sleep with whoever he wanted.

Clearly she had meant Blaine but that wouldn't happen anytime soon.

"Oh? Really?" Rachel smiled and moved nearer.

This time as she called him 'Santana' he deliberately called her 'Blaine'. It was a huge turn on. Then they emptied the champagne bottle that had been standing beside the bed. It dawned to Sam that Rachel wasn't accidentally still in his bed, that maybe he was using her as well as she him.

But why on earth was it so easy with someone from High School he hadn't thought about for years and felt impossible with someone else from High School he thought about every day?

They didn't leave the apartment the whole day and in the evening Sam actually started to cry. He couldn't help it. Tears streamed down his face without asking for permission. Rachel knew what was going on. So did Suzanne, but Suzanne never held him that softly. She was always quick to leave and be with her girlfriends.

But Rachel just pulled the covers to his shoulders and stroke his back. Sam didn't know how he could have lived all those years without crying over Blaine. Maybe that was just what he needed to let go.

"I love him, Rachel. Already in High School, and I never dared to tell him. Now he thinks I'm over him, over us and… it's just awful."

"Why don't you tell him?"

"Because we are never together. And he said it was a mistake. It's just not possible. Plus he has Karl now."

"Yeah, and you are engaged but still love another man. Oh, not to speak of being in bed with yet another woman."

Sam sighed and shrugged. "I would be glad if we could be friends. But he didn't even show up yesterday."

A few minutes silence. Then Sam realised something and he lifted himself up.

"You know that I'm engaged?"

"I told you Kurt likes to talk, well, _you_ know that yourself, don't you?"

"But why…" Sam gestured between them.

"I didn't plan it, if that's what you think! Until yesterday I didn't even remember your last name. Oh, I still don't know that." She frowned and looked at him, so he said "Evans" and she kept on talking about how she had made a fool of herself in front of Santana's girlfriend just before the party and so had started drinking early.

Sam listened to the whole story without grinning but the thought of all that girls getting it on… hell that was something.

And he hadn't realised how much he had needed a talk, just as much as feeling like the man in the relationship. At least when he was with a girl. Sex hadn't been exactly satisfying in the last months (years) but what could he do. That's just another example of how life was.

* * *

Marley was pregnant. She radiated with pride and baby eyes (that what Sam liked to call it) and Suzanne had declared that pregnant girls were forbidden in their apartment after Jake and Marley had been over and Suzanne had discovered that being pregnant made someone gain weight.

Okay. She clearly didn't want to have kids then.

Sam had never thought about it but somehow in the back of his mind this had always been an option. Starting a family. Leaving the unhealthy life of eating mostly raw food and exercising every day. There was nothing wrong with gaining weight if somebody still loved you, right?

The smell of baby still lingered in the air (how was that even possible when the baby was still inside of Marley?) in the evening when one of Suzanne's girlfriends came over. Suzanne and her gossiped about Marley and Sam couldn't take it anymore. He decided to pay Kurt a visit.

Yes.

Kurt.

The one chance of actually meeting Blaine was showing up at Kurt's and his boyfriends loft (oh yeah they weren't as grown-up as Sam). Officially Santana was living there, too, but she hadn't been there for weeks. Even Kurt didn't know what she was up to and Rachel kept her mouth shut about her, too. (Strange enough.)

Sam was lucky, one time in his life. Kurt and Hugh had some friends over.

"Oh, hey, Sam! You didn't answer my text", Kurt greeted him as he opened the door.

"My phone had been in the dry washer and since then I have some troubles with it."

"Huh. Strange! Come on in." Kurt let him enter and immediately hooked arms with him, leaning in. "Guess who's heeeeere."

"Does he even want to see me?"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous! But you're gonna need a drink, Karl's here, too. Come on. First station: Kitchen!" Kurt almost dragged Sam there. He received a glass with something in it (water? Sure couldn't be water!) and looked over to the living department. So the guy Blaine sat next to had to be Karl. Tall, blonde, very German. Sam frowned a bit. He was tall and blonde himself. How could Blaine not like him?

"I wonder since how long Blaine nurtured this kink", he mumbled and nipped from his glass. Damn it, this was definitively not water. It burnt down his throat like a fiery knife. Sam immediately had to cough.

"What is that?"

"Oh, Wodka. You don't like it?"

"Isn't it supposed to be mixed with something?"

"Only for girls" Kurt winked and took his hand to keep on the dragging and Sam only shortly wondered when they had become _that_ close friends. But it was Kurt. He would hold Obama's hand if given the chance.

"Look who's heeeeere", he lilted again, this time to introduce Sam to the others. He said some names Sam immediately forgot (except Karl) and then Kurt shoved him on to the sofa besides Blaine.

"Hey. It's been a while, huh?", he said, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah. Nice to see you." Blaine nodded. He didn't seem so glad. Sam felt a bit strange and awkward and wondered if he should leave. But back to Suzanna and Soho now? No. And Rachel was out of town. He had nowhere to go. He wouldn't want to leave Blaine, anyway, no matter how unwanted he felt.

"So… have you heard? Ryder and Unique?", Blaine asked.

"Huh? What about them?"

"Well, she decided to give him a chance and _boom_, now they are talking about marriage. I mean, after all those years of yearning it can still happen. Great, isn't it?"

"Uhm, yeah I guess. I'm glad for them."

Sam fumbled his glass. He wasn't really glad, well, he was but right now he had other things on his mind. For one his acting class. It was way too terrible and he didn't know if he could ever get a job with that bad lecturing. Secondly, _Blaine_. Thirdly Rachel. It wasn't that she loved him or the other way round but somehow they kept meeting and doing it.

"You don't look so glad."

"Oh, yeah, I'm…" Sam shrugged. He looked at Blaine, finally, and wondered why they didn't talk anymore. He knew the reason but he still wondered.

"And you look tired. Are you okay?"

"I'm a bit exhausted", Sam said. He begun to talk about his acting class but he left out the drinking and the sex. Sex was supposed to be good, right, the more the better. And he couldn't say no to Suzanne, she would think he had troubles (hadn't he?) and he didn't want to end things with Rachel, too, at least she let him sleep afterwards. Wasn't it strange how he got the most sleep (and food) when he sneaked out of his home?

"Maybe you should take a personal coach", Blaine said. "They help you with finding a job and give really helpful critique."

"Do you know one?"

"Uhm, yeah, Karl is… But I can give you the number of his agency. They have many coaches."

"Can you write it down for me, I'm gonna need a new phone…"

"Sure!"

They got up in search for paper and pens and Kurt's eyes followed them without trying to hide his smirk. Sam didn't wonder any more what went on in this boy's head.

As Blaine wrote down the number on a kitchen tissue, Sam leaned against the dishwasher and crossed his arms. He had to say something. Now or never.

"I had hoped to see you at my housewarming party."

Yeah, as if that hadn't been _ages_ ago. Oh god.

"Oh, yeah, Kurt told me about it. I was out of town. You know, my tour…"

"Well, Kurt should have told me _that_. I was thinking… you didn't want to see me."

"Oh. Well. Here." Blaine gave same the tissue and looked slightly insecure, his eyes searching for Sam's. "I always want to see you."

"Okay, so… maybe we could meet some time? I'm in New York now and you are in New York and that should be awesome, right?" He made a poor attempt to roll his fists in excitement.

"Yes, and it will be. We could go to movie premieres and stuff."

"Oh, and we could go see Football games. I've always wanted to know what that would be like."

"And…" Blaine leaned a bit closer and lowered his voice. "La Grand Madam. Do you know that? You have to see that, it's a shop and _all_ they sell is sweets. I'm talking about three stories!" He made a gesture to show how big it was.

"Woah", Sam laughed. It felt good, so good. Maybe he could eat a bit instead of drink, yeah.

"Do you still have my number? I'm just gonna write it down, too", Blaine said. Sam gave the tissue back and as their hands touched, he smiled. Blaine smiled, too.

Everything was good.


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks for the reviews and your patience guys and girls ;-)

* * *

The weeks passed a bit in a blur because Sam had never been that happy. He actually saw Blaine regularly and they had become friends again. It felt like the break he hadn't been able to catch since after High School.

In the beginning Sam expected things to go on their own accord. He thought that him and Blaine together would inevitably lead to romance and nights he was drunk with happiness instead of booze.

Only nothing of this did happen on its own accord.

"So… How did you like it?"

Sam rolled his shoulders.

"It was pretty loud and… well. Crowded", he commended on the thousand people around them, pushing their way to the exit. Sam and Blaine reached it, too, and finally the mass spread. Sam didn't have to shout anymore to hear his own voice.

Was it always like that on football games? If so then why did so many people love going there?

"Yeah… I liked our trip to the mall better", Blaine said. They started walking towards the parking lot a few metres away.

As they had reached it Blaine got out his keys.

"Do you need a ride somewhere?"

"No, there's a tube station nearby. Plus it would be too big a detour for you to get to me and Suzanne's…" Sam shrugged. He knew his way round New York with the tube and mostly was glad to be able to avoid traffic and being stuck in cars.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. So… Better think of something good for our next date, Anderson." Sam tried to grin despite his growing feeling that this was going nowhere. Not as long as he behaved like Senior year had never happened.

"I will. Take care of yourself, will ya?"

Blaine hugged Sam and went off to his car. Sam watched him going, knowing he'd drive to Karl now and he realised he eventually would have to open his mouth and say something sooner or later. Risk their just renewed friendship…

Because as long as Sam didn't do that it was no wonder Blaine always returned to his boyfriend after their meetings.

_Why can't you see  
You belong with me. (*)_

But then again: Blaine had Karl. He was over Sam by now, so over him that he had forgotten they had ever dated. And Sam was glad to just be friends with him, maybe that's what he had missed in the first place? Because he needed to move on, too.

Sam sighed and decided to go to Rachel's, whine a bit about how he didn't know what to do and let himself be comforted.

* * *

The next time Sam saw Rachel out of their affair context at one of Kugh's gatherings he wondered if he had gone to her one time too often. Because his heart jumped a bit too high and his stomach felt dizzy.

First it was awkward, since he knew he couldn't let anyone see that they actually were pretty acquainted. Sam didn't know about Rachel but he hadn't told anybody about them. Well, who should he tell anyway, seeing that she seemed to be his best friend now. With benefits. Still, for Sam it was more about the talking. No one else wanted to hear about his Blaine whining. No one else made him feel that someday things could end good, no matter how it felt like now.

Hell, no one else seemed to be interested in his life or him. After all, Suzanne had her model business and her girlfriends (and boyfriends), Blaine had Karl and Kugh were always together, no space in between for anyone else.

Oh, Blaine. Sitting there, letting himself be laid an arm around him. Damn you, German Karl (yes it had been confirmed, his ancestors actually had come from there)!

"Isn't this nice? Here we are, being with our friends and yes, one could say they've become family, couldn't you? Oh, Kurt is such a sweetie, look at him. Last week at Humphrey's he…"

Sam stopped listening to Rachel and grasped a sandwich. He could to with a beer, too, but as he wanted to take a bottle Rachel actually stopped her babbling and gently laid her hand on his arm.

"Do you think that's a good idea? You have been truly sober for only two months."

"I can drink one beer, come on."

Rachel waggled her head. "Let's wait a bit, okay? Hey, they have non-alcoholic beer, I think _that's_ great! Kurt!" She turned around and called her friend, and Sam sighed and decided to eat the sandwich first.

As he was doing that, leaning against the kitchen cupboards and his eyes wandering through the room (Karl looked older than thirty-three, maybe he'd lied about his age?) Kurt came to the kitchen area.

"Non-alcoholic beer? I never took you for the kind", he said as he gave Sam the bottle Rachel had requested.

"Oh, Sam is looking out for himself now. It's never too late to do that, right? _You_ are eating your vegetables, too, aren't you? Look at you!" Rachel poked Kurt into the chest.

"I always have", he said. "You know me. What's good for my body is good for my voice, right?"

"Oh, I couldn't agree more! Are you listening, Sam? See, body and mind are a union, if you want one to be healthy you have to take care of the other as well."

"Lately I've been reading this great book about…"

Sam rolled his eyes and ignored both of them, wandering off to the others in the living room area. He sat down next to Karl and thought about speaking German to him (not that he could do it very well) but then somehow Karl started to talk about vampires.

Well. Okay.

Sam drank his beer (after a few sips he was able to think it's the real stuff) and just listened. Apparently Blaine, Karl, Kurt and Hugh wanted to do something for Halloween as a group.

"It's still three weeks", he said as Hugh asked him if he had planned to do anything. "And I'm not a child anymore."

"Oh, come on, Sam, it'll be fun", Blaine said.

"Yeah, you can bring your girlfriend", Karl said, nodding to the kitchen. "Since until now we're only couples."

"Oh, Rachel is not my girlfriend."

Karl looked somewhat confused and Sam just ignored it. He didn't want to think about relationships. He was still with Suzanne but every day he found himself less eager to go home to her. She wasn't keeping him safe anymore but Sam hated to confront this thought. Because if he truly did, he'd have to do something about it and he never had been the one to actually initiate change.

But what if sometimes change was for the better?

Kurt came back to the sofas and announced that he had put some pumpkin soup on the stove. As soon as Karl got up to get some Sam glided in his spot to sit beside Blaine.

"Come on, spending Halloween together would be fun", the black haired man said and nudged Sam's arm.

"Yeah, but you know… two couples and me? It would be strange."

"Well, bring Suzanne."

"Uhm. No. She's not the type for that kind of celebrations. And I – I don't know", Sam began, being ready to admit to Blaine that he thought about ending it with her. But just as he wanted to start talking Karl was back, sitting down on the armchair at Blaine's other side and telling Kurt how good the soup was. He was not really intruding but Sam didn't feel safe enough with him there to start a private conversation with Blaine.

So he shrugged and told his friend he'd think about the Halloween thing.

As Rachel came sit next to him Sam's first impulse was to lay his arm around her but as he stretched it he realised what he was doing and simply lay it down on the sofa behind her.

"Rachel, _you_ are in for Halloween, right? Come on, you have to!", Kurt said.

"Oh, what are you doing? I would love to. Of course I first have to check with my work schedule, I mean especially on Halloween things are just _crazy_! You know, something's in the air. You can already feel it! So great, isn't it?"

Sam chuckled about her enthusiasm for everything.

"If there was a song to sing about doing the laundry, you'd do it", he said.

"I _am_ singing when I'm doing the laundry, yes! Not _about_ the laundry but oh, why not? With singing everything get's along better. Haven't I heard you humming last time doing the dishes, huh? Don't deny it!"

Sam laughed it off and shook his head.

"So. Football. Who won?"

No idea who had played. But Rachel was talking too much already.

Sometimes it was comforting to listen to her on-going voice even if he didn't always get what it was about. But now was not that time. He glanced at Blaine who sat on his other side.

Sitting between the both of them Sam realised he would miss Rachel if she would leave him. Just as he missed Blaine. But that seemed illogical and simply not possible. One couldn't be in love with two persons. Maybe it was just the fact that she provided something like a home for him.

Kurt pretty quick changed the subject back to Halloween (no one really cared about Football here) and since Rachel gave her promise to join them Sam agreed, too.

He ignored Blaine's somewhat confused look and got up to get himself another beer.

"Remember, non-alcoholic!", Rachel called. Sam rolled his eyes, and as he shut the fridge with the new bottle in the hand, Blaine was standing there.

"What is going on between you and Rachel?"

"What? Nothing! Tsk."

Sam opened the bottle and took a long sip. Damn, this time it didn't taste like pretend-real-booze at all.

Blaine crossed his arms and looked doubtingly at him.

"Doesn't sound, look or feel like nothing, Sam."

"What, do I have to justify myself now?"

"I just want to know!"

Blaine sounded pissed and somehow this made Sam feel good. Maybe he hadn't taken Suzanne serious because everybody could see Sam wasn't very enthusiastic about her. Maybe Rachel was all it took to open Blaine's eyes.

Sam stretched out his hands. "Look. Me and her..." He shrugged, not knowing how to put it.

Blaine glanced to the others and back at Sam. "Are you… But you have Suzanne."

"Yeah, well, when I'm honest this never has been anything. I'm gonna end it soon."

Woah, there, that sounded very determined. That wasn't what Sam had planned but to say it like it was easy felt good. Really good actually. Maybe he should break up with her after all.

Sam looked over to Rachel and back to Blaine who was running a hand over his mouth.

"So are you two dating or is it just… tension?"

"We are dating", Sam said. That was one way to put it. He doubted Rachel would confirm it. Granted, she hadn't talked about Santana for a while now and also had no other love interest. But still they weren't couple… were they?

"Oh my god! How… when did that happen? Does Kurt know… no, he doesn't, he would have told me", Blaine said.

"It's not really official and I would appreciate if you keep it secret", Sam said.

Blaine nodded. He looked somewhat pale and Sam wondered how it would be to kiss him after all this time. Would it be the same? Would it sparkle through his whole body as it used to? Sam had kissed Rachel way too often with Blaine's name on his lips and maybe that was the reason why he liked her now. He had transformed the sparkles onto her. But where they still there with Blaine or not?

Blaine took a beer – alcoholic – and drank a few sips. Sam was glad he didn't go back to the sofas and he stayed where they were, too. Silence could be nice. Except that it wasn't really silent, Kurt's and Rachel's loud laughter swept over to them and Sam felt like they were intruding their together space.

Kurt. Blaine's ex.

Rachel. Sam's side girlfriend.

When he really thought about it he had to admit she's been more a girlfriend to him than Suzanne had lately. But what did Rachel think about it? Did she love him?

Oh hell, now he was standing here with Blaine and thought about Rachel. But that was a good thing, didn't it mean he was moving on? Why didn't it feel as relieving as it should have?

_How did we end up like this?  
Another train off the tracks. (*)_

"So, apparently Halloween will be a couple's thing after all", Blaine said.

Sam shrugged. He couldn't tell Blaine that he and Rachel wouldn't necessarily be a couple when it was over with Suzanne after he just had told him they were secretly dating.

Sam mumbled "Looks like it" and drank the rest of his beer.

* * *

(*) Songs: 'You Belong With Me' by Taylor Swift; 'One Last Kiss Goodbye' by Hinder

* * *

A/N: I hope you all stay with me despite the (to my defense warned of) Samchel. And as said before... this _is_ a Blam story but it's a frustrating one. (After all the cover is black/white come one that tells you everything you need to know.) If you like fluff... well wait for it or read other fics *muhaha*


	12. Chapter 12

Thank you guys! So nice! (Yes I'm in the mood to rhyme.) And to advertise a bit, if you want to read Blam Fluff I've published an Oneshot. Right but enough of that, on with the story:

* * *

Sam had broken up with people before. His first time had been with Jack and that had been easy. Then Miley, and there had been some tears (from her side). But he hadn't been with both of them longer than a few weeks.

He had been four years with Suzanne now, already dating her since he had been twenty. Wow, time just flew by the older he got.

And he hadn't talked to Rachel about what she felt for him. Maybe she wasn't emotionally invested and Sam would stay single. But he didn't want to depend on someone else, he needed the distance to Suzanne no matter if he'd be alone or not.

And maybe being alone wouldn't be bad. He needed some time to think. Try to clear his head. Blaine and Rachel were in there now and Sam hoped one of them would go away. It just felt crowded.

"You – what? Oh, Honey, I told you it's okay if you want to sleep with Blaine." Suzanne didn't turn around as she was preparing her dinner – a low-fat-protein-shake.

Sam remained where he was, arms crossed. He knew it wouldn't be easy but there was no way he would let himself be talked out of it.

_Now the picture's crystal clear_  
_ I can see that the end is near_  
_ We no longer have to pretend (*)_

"I said: It's over. I'm gonna move out", he repeated.

Suzanne rolled her head and sighed. Then she finally turned around, frowning at him.

"And where will you go?"

"That's none of your concern."

"And the marriage?"

"I don't need no marriage born out of insecurity."

"Wait – you are actually serious, aren't you?" Finally Suzanne started to listen. She came closer and pointed at him.

"You are about to make the biggest mistake of your life! I mean, who will love you?"

"Besides the fact that you telling me no one will ever love me is more than disrespectful… None of your concern."

Sam's hands were trembling but he knew he sounded self-assure. Maybe listening to Rachel who went against everyone who ever treated her unfair and who repeatedly had told Sam he deserved better than Suzanne had actually made him learn a thing or two. For example that he didn't need to cling on to anybody who was willing to be with him out of the pure anxiety to end up alone.

"But don't you remember what we are about?" Suzanne was in front of him now, her eyes full of water. "We give each other stability in a cruel world that hates everybody!"

"Not being exclusive isn't exactly on my list of the most stabilising things", Sam said.

"We can change that! I promise I won't have any more affairs! And you stay true, too, does that sound good? Isn't that what you need? I might need it too, it's gonna be good! Yeah?"

Sam hesitated. She was clearly desperate and didn't want to lose him. Who was he to hurt her like that…? It would be mean. She simply was a person looking for love, just like him.

But no. Sam tried to only think of how she had treated him, how he had wasted four years feeling not good enough for a loving relationship.

His arms that had been about to open up pressed against each other with more determination.

"No, we're through, once and for all. I've packed a bag and I'm gonna get the rest of my stuff another time", he said, glad he had had the foresight of packing and making arrangements where to stay the night.

"Well, then… then take your ugly ring and go!" Suzanne threw her ring at him and grabbed a vase, too. Sam ducked to take up the ring (it had been expensive and who knew if she would sell it if he would let it lay here) and get his bag.

As the door of the loft fell shut behind him he heard the shuttering of porcelain and Suzanne crying. But he was done pitying her. She had driven herself into that situation and would be able to get out of it and move on to better things if she truly wanted to.

* * *

"Honestly, you can stay here as long as you want." Kurt gestured him to come in.

"It won't be long. I'm starting to look for an apartment tomorrow", Sam said.

"No rush, no rush. Things can be crazy in New York with that", Kurt said. "So what exactly happened?"

Sam told him over a hot cacao (since Kurt didn't drink Sam went along with the opportunity to stay sober) (wouldn't Rachel be proud of him). Then they transformed one sofa into a bed and Sam lay awake a long time until he was able to catch some sleep.

* * *

It felt great to be free. And that's exactly how to put Sam's new status. Single. No Suzanne waiting for him at 'home'. He had never realised how much she had dragged him down. Just now when everyday felt light and easy the truth hit him.

She hadn't been good for him at all.

And maybe being in a relationship meant more than just being with someone. It should be about love and happiness. Yes, that's what people said all along but Sam had never really thought about it. For him, just being with someone had meant happiness.

But there was a difference between a simple agreement or radiating with joy because someone liked you. And if no one ever would, so what, he still had his life to live.

Although he had to admit that he was sure to not stay single very long.

It was strange. All the new things he saw about Rachel only because he didn't take her for granted anymore. How gleeful her laughter was, how contagious her high spirits and how adorable her little flaws that somehow contributed to making her flawless.

Although they had met for some time now it felt like a new beginning and this time Sam wanted to do it right. Buy her flowers and take her out.

But first he had to find an apartment. As Kurt had said that wasn't the easiest thing to do in New York City.

"Here! It's small, shabby and probably has rats but better than nothing?"

"Hugh! Sam don't want to be eaten alive at night", Kurt protested. They were going through newspaper ads while snuggling on the sofas. Outside it was already dark (the days were getting shorter and shorter) and Sam was once again grateful not to be homeless right now.

"I think we have watched too many Halloween movies. Rats don't eat people", Hugh said, rolling his eyes.

"Whaaaat?! Don't you dare ever say that again! Too many Halloween movies, oh gosh, now it all comes to light. I never should've started dating you!"

Sam politely ignored the kisses that Hugh gave Kurt after that and looked a bit harder at the newspaper.

Then the doorbell rang and in came Blaine.

"It's freezing out there! Why can't it always be summer?", he complained as Kurt let him in.

"Don't ask me. If you start a petition you sure have my signature", Kurt said. They came to the sofas and the moment Blaine saw Sam his face changed. Sam couldn't decline it but he felt awful about it. He didn't know why. Nothing had happened between them, but they also hadn't seen each other since the night Blaine had found out about Rachel.

That couldn't be the reason, could it?

Blaine radiated cool autumn air as he sat down next to Sam. He wore a red Guernsey and smelled like he was wearing some new cologne Sam had never noticed on him before.

"Hey!", Sam said. "We're just looking for apartments. Because the sooner I'm gone here the better." He smirked at Kurt and Hugh.

"Do you still have things at Suzanne's?", Blaine asked.

"Yeah, some, but I was gonna give her some time to cool down."

Blaine nodded. He took some sheets and unfolded them. In doing so he said: "And how are things with Rachel?"

Sam didn't want to answer that. The same feeling came up as when Rachel asked him about Blaine. A feeling he didn't like, being torn between two people, so different from each other. Even their gender wasn't the same and for Sam this felt like the source of all trouble. He was bisexual. So why couldn't he be with two persons, one from each department?

_There's nothing where you used to lie _  
_my inspiration has run dry _  
_that's what's going on _  
_nothing's right I'm torn_ (*)

"Just… you know. As usual", he eventually said.

"Why don't you go live with her?", Blaine said.

"Oh, no, I need some space for me right now", Sam said. "I have never lived alone. First the college dorms and then Suzanne, I really want to be a bit more independent."

Blaine nodded. "I get that. I –"

"Who wants pizza!?", Kurt interrupted loudly. Blaine and Sam looked up.

"Well, I could eat", Sam said.

"Yeah, me too."

"Great. We can continue the apartment hunt tomorrow, okay? Hugh can call his aunt, she sure will be of help."

"Yes! Great idea, how haven't _I_ thought of that? She's a landlady", Hugh said. "And if there is anything she can offer you she will. I'm her favourite nephew."

"Oh, now that!" Kurt sighed and went to the kitchen while Hugh went on about childhood stories about his aunt. Sam nodded politely along, always aware that Blaine was right next to him.

He sure as hell would like to know how it felt to kiss him now.

But later that night as Blaine was gone and Sam stared at the light stripes on the wall coming from outside he thought about Rachel again and how far away Blaine felt. Sam wondered if all that tension between them was only there because they had never talked about their feelings. Like ever. There had always been standing something (or rather someone) between them.

Some things just weren't meant to be. And Sam was really proud of himself that he had moved on a bit. After being freed of Suzanne he had realised he had made too many compromises when it came to love. Way too many. Every single person he had been with in the last years had only been for one purpose: To distract himself from Blaine. He hadn't done anything for the sake of love.

But now he would. Rachel would be his start into a new life, a life full of love and light.

* * *

(*) Songs: 'This Is Gonna Hurt' by Hoobastank; 'Torn' by Natalie Imbruglia


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks for the reviews! As I said before, yes, this is a **Blam **story but also yes, there _will_ be more Samchel and if you really don't like it you don't have to read it. I for one think Samchel is the second best pairing for Sam (though I have to admit writing this story made me think that for the first time but hey, better late than never)

* * *

The next day Hugh grinned at Sam as he came into the kitchen. Sam didn't feel like smiling before he had his coffee. He had dreamt of Rachel and Blaine and although he didn't know the details anymore it had left him restless and uptight.

"Guess who I just spoke to."

"Huh? Santa Clause?"

Hugh frowned. "Very inappropriate for this time of the year and I will pretend I didn't hear that. So, guess what news I have for you? Hint: They are good."

"I don't know… Kurt found the sweater he was looking for since forever?" Sam poured himself a cup of coffee and went to sit at the table.

"No. Man, I'm trying to tell you something, would you listen?"

"I'm listening. Where is Kurt, by the way? I thought he didn't have to work this weekend?"

"Oh, some Blaine-business. Don't ask, don't get bothered is my motto but from what I overheard Blaine has some broken heart issues or guy problems or something like that. _I'm_ just glad I've got Kurt because I know what a bitch love can be!" He gesticulated around.

Sam senses had come to live as soon as the words 'broken heart' had been uttered.

"Karl?", was all he managed to say and his heart suddenly dashed wildly.

"Has to be", Hugh shrugged. He clapped on the table. "So! Will you guess – oh, never mind! My aunt has just gotten a cancellation on one of her mid-town apartments and was more than glad as I told her about you. Visit today! Get dressed, I'm coming with."

* * *

Not this time, not anymore, no.

Sam drummed on his legs as he stared out of the car window. The sun was shining brightly on this October day, like it should be, and the radio was babbling along while he tried to order his thoughts.

Even if Blaine and Karl were over now he wouldn't cancel his plans to ask out Rachel. That was just silly. Blaine would be heartbroken for a long time and Rachel had been there for Sam for quite a while, she deserved better.

Besides the fact that he and Blaine would never work out, never. And above all that Sam was moving on anyhow. Those thoughts now were a resonation of his old live and the old habit of acting a way that made sure things wouldn't work out for him. He was on changing that, so no falling back in old patterns.

"Oh, damn", Hugh said. He got his phone out of his pocket and glance at it before looking back at the road.

"I'd let it go to voice mail but he doesn't exactly like that. Can you answer it for me?"

Sam took the offered phone and threw a look at the caller I.D. Kurt.

"Hey, it's Sam, Hugh is driving right now", he answered it.

"Driving where? I need him to get me something."

"Driving me to an apartment tour."

"Oh." Kurt sighed. "With his aunt? Yeah, that's gonna take a while. Well, we'll just have to watch another movie then."

"You and Blaine? How is he?", Sam said. He glanced at Hugh but he was staring out of the front. Sam turned to the other side and fixated his eyes on passengers on the sideway.

"Yeah, not so good, though he won't tell me why. Do you have a clue? Did something happen? I'm trying to get it out of him but all he says is how he should not have ignored all the signs or something like that. And he's cursing himself pretty hard, it's kind of concerning hearing words like that coming from Blaine's mouth."

"Well, if Karl had meant to break up for some time then –"

"No, no, no, Karl's just fine. That's the thing. They are still together and everything. Blaine has never been such a great mystery, although there was this one time on High School when he had tried to change his usual coffee order… huh. Oh, long forgotten it is. Tell Hugh I love him, okay? I need to go now, bye!"

"Uhm… yeah. Kurt loves you", Sam said as he gave back the phone. "That was confusing."

He told Hugh all about Blaine and the red-head suspected it was work related. Sam agreed, not seeing what else it could have been. Because Blaine did _not_ still love Sam and the news of him and Rachel had thrown him off now. No, stupid brain that kept coming up with thoughts like that!

_Can't come down_  
_ Losing my head_  
_ Spinning 'round and 'round (*)_

Sam hammered them all back inside of his head. There was one simple logical reason this theory didn't work out: Blaine had known about that for a week already, it wasn't like he'd heard it yesterday for the first time.

And Karl was still there. All plans would go through like intended and a very fine lady called Rachel Berry would get all of Sam's love attention. It was as easy as that.

* * *

"Oh!" Rachel threw her hands to her face as Sam held up his bouquet of roses, grinning like a mad man.

"Are those… for me?"

"No, for your neighbour", Sam said.

"Aw, Saaaam!" Rachel nudged his shoulder and let him come inside. As she took the roses, Sam kissed her on the cheek.

He had gotten the apartment – he didn't even had to say much since Hugh's aunt had told him any friend of her nephew's could only be a nice guy before offering him homemade cookies – and allowed himself to concentrate on his love life now. He was a lucky man if Rachel wanted him and she didn't seem too indisposed right now.

"And I would like to take you out? On a real date", he said, pulse speeding up. Maybe she'd say no. Maybe a little affair was all she had ever wanted from him and the thought of more would gross her out.

"Oh! I would love that!"

Sam breathed in and smiled. "Good. I wasn't sure."

Rachel had put the roses into a vase and came to him, taking his hand.

"Sam Evans, you are cute and adorable but sometimes you are just silly. I've been waiting for a real date for some time now. Of course I didn't want to push you and the Suzanne affair had been more than just delicate so it's fair to say that I have proven to be the most patient girl in the whole world by now and –"

Sam interrupted her with a kiss. She might have been patient, he wasn't. And she wouldn't stop talking any other way either.

Rachel threw her arms around his neck and kissed him back. For a while they just stood in the hallway. Then Rachel pulled back, eyes still closed and mumbled: "I can't be your official girlfriend until you haven't told me how things are with Blaine. How are things with Blaine? You haven't talked about him for some time but before that you were high over heels in love with him. Please."

She stepped back and looked pleadingly at him. Sam's heart got heavy again and he glanced to the side.

"I'd rather not talk about him."

"But you have to! You owe it to me, and to yourself! If you look into your heart and are really honest, what do you see?" She lightly stroke over his chest.

"I see you."

"And?"

"Nothing else. I held on so long to him because we never talked about us. But there isn't anything to talk about anymore."

"Are you sure? Because if you are not, that's okay! Just tell me. I won't run away. But I've been in relationships were one person wasn't as committed as the other and it had always turned out bad in the end. Honesty is so important, Sam!"

"I know. But I'm sure." He smiled at her, having found the light feeling of soulfulness again. Yes, he was sure. The last days had shown him that slight doubts didn't necessarily mean one shouldn't go through with following the right path and Sam's way to the future was Rachel now, no doubt.

* * *

To say Kurt was shocked would be an understatement. He sat there, looking up at Sam, mouth opening and shutting it again without words coming out.

Kurt was speechless. That was a first one.

After a few moments he rubbed over his ear.

"I'm sorry, could you say that again? I think I misunderstood… I…"

Hugh put an arm around his shoulders.

"Why are you so surprised? I saw it coming a long time ago. To be fair I was thinking you two were already dating and not telling us", he said.

"What?" Kurt's voice was very high-pitched now.

Sam cleared his throat. "Well, we might have… had an unofficial thing going on before."

"_What?_"

"Kurt, calm down!", Hugh said.

"No, I can't calm down. I can't believe Rachel didn't tell me. I can't believe – you – you!" Kurt got up and pointed at Sam. "I thought you were gay?"

"Uhm, bi", Sam said. "Why do people always think it has to be one way or the other? It can be both, you know. Also I've been with Suzanne the whole time…?"

"Yes, to cover up your feelings for Blaine!"

Sam's ears got as hot as if someone had slapped them.

"What?", was all he could say.

"Oh, oh, don't you dare talk your way out! All this fucking time, Sam here, Sam there, Sam, Sam, Sam!" Kurt threw his hands into the air and Sam sat finally down on the opposite sofa.

"That's my name", he mumbled.

"And you were supposed to return Blaine's feelings! I mean, you two dated, right? And hooked up at a few weddings, right? The only thing holding you back was me, although I never quite understood that since _you_ were the one intruding and taking up all place in Blaine's heart that originally had belonged to me. But I moved on. Oh, I moved on and found the true love of my life and Blaine moved on from me, too, to wait for you. _What on earth….?_"

Kurt got up and paced the room while Hugh had leaned back and watched Sam quietly.

Sam couldn't wrap his mind around everything he had heard. Apparently he had been a thread to Kurt back then just as Kurt had been to him. Fighting about Blaine without even talking to each other. But why was this still of importance _now_?

Not that he couldn't ask himself that exact question.

"Look, I think you're clinging to the past a bit", Sam said. "Blaine has moved on from me. He's got Karl and anyway, it has been _so long_ ago!"

Kurt ran his hands through his hair, looking at the ceiling. Eventually he sighed and shook his head.

"I need chocolate."

Hugh shrugged as Sam looked at him.

"I think you and Rachel make a great couple."

"Thanks", Sam said.

"Does Blaine already know?"

Kurt was back, putting a big carton of confects on the table. As he sat down he changed his decision and placed it on his knees.

"Yes. Blaine knows since your last gathering."

"Oh." Kurt threw a praline in his mouth and then froze, staring into air. "OH!"

"What?" Sam shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. All the talk about Blaine and him wasn't doing his supposedly overcome feelings any good. Every time when he was with Rachel or just with people he didn't think of Blaine. But when Kurt talked about him or he was near to Sam things got confusing again.

That wasn't how it was supposed to be, not after having made his decision! Sam would just have to ignore everything about it.

"Nothing. I have to go." Kurt jammed the confect box under his arm and rushed to the bedroom.

Hugh shook his head again and apologized for Kurt's behaviour before he nicely told Sam to go.

* * *

(*) Song: 'Toxic' by Britney Spears


	14. Chapter 14

Thaaank you guys. I hope and think you're gonna like todays chapter xD

* * *

"Next week's Halloween. Have you put some thought into your costume? I was thinking Cher. I can pull the Cher-look, can't I?" Rachel held her hair up and looked at herself in the cupboard glass.

"Can you please put the bottle down before you make love to your mirror image?", Sam snapped.

"Oh! Sam, what is going on? You don't have any ideas about your costume, is that it? I can help, no problem, just tell me what genre you're thinking of!"

She put the wine bottle onto the couch table and sat down beside him, stroking his thigh. Sam put his hand on hers to hold it.

"That's not it", he said, biting his lip. His mission to ignore all Blaine-related thoughts was harder than breaking up with Suzanne. And only a few days ago he had told Rachel he was sure to be completely over them so how could he start with it again now?

But it was so strange to hold back in front of _Rachel_. Even when their official status had changed now, they still could (and should) talk about anything. Right?

"Come on, tell me what it is. You know I can't help you unless you talk to me. I know that look on your face back from High School, when you suspected Quinn was cheating on you but wouldn't let yourself face the truth! I'm not cheating on you if that's what you think!"

Sam leaned back in surprise. "How the hell do you still know how I looked back then and – anyway, that's not it, too."

"Sam, I remember everything from High School, every little detail. Except names and such unimportant things. And I was concerned about the Quinn-Finn thing too, we were in it together, remember? Don't you remember?" She shook his hand a bit.

"I don't remember having ever talked to you. I thought you were somewhat strange and over-enthusiastic and when Santana told me to never speak to you alone I could deal with that."

"Oh, that – never mind! Now, what is it then? Oh." She pulled a face and put her other hand on his shoulder, then whispered: "Blaine?"

Sam looked at his jeans and tried to look unmoved. His feet were waggling though.

"I thought so. I couldn't be over in such a short time, I mean, only last month you came here after a trip with him, whining why he always went back to Karl. You were pretty firm that night."

"Firm?" Sam frowned.

"Very determined. But don't be afraid, I liked it. It's okay to have rough sex now and then when it's in an established relationship were you trust each other, don't you think? Anyhow, now what about Blaine this time? But you – I have to ask you for the sake of us – would you prefer him over me? What and how am I –"

"Rach, stop! Stop." Sam put his hand on her mouth. Softly, of course, but sometimes there was just no other way of interrupting her.

Rachel put his hand down and held it, too, while Sam said: "Don't make this into a competition, okay?"

"Isn't everything in life?"

"No! I love you, I didn't lie to you, okay? And it doesn't matter if I still have some feelings for Blaine, I just…" Sam shrugged. If they could only talk about everything, maybe that would help.

"What if Blaine would still want you?"

Sam turned his head to Rachel, looking into her eyes. How could she talk about something Sam didn't even dare think about?

"Well, he doesn't. We've been through this. All the last months, remember…?"

"But what if he did? What if he hadn't said anything because he wanted you to make the first step?"

"He is with Karl!"

"_You_ were with Suzanne!"

Sam took back his hands and sighed. "Well, if Karl was his Suzanne he could have said something. But now things are different. I'm with you and you mean more to me than Suzanne."

"Oh, thanks, I knew _that_ from the very beginning!" She rolled her eyes and spoke on quickly without giving Sam the chance to ask for the details.

"Close your eyes and use your imagination. Picture me as Blaine. Here. Blaine's hands."

Sam had closed his eyes and felt her hands on his again. They didn't feel at all like Blaine's although he also couldn't say what the difference was.

"I love you, Sam", Rachel said with a deep voice in an attempt to sound male. Sam had to giggle.

"I want to be with you, Sam, only you", Rachel went on. Her voice was close to his ear now and send shivers through his whole body. He couldn't say whether it was because of the role she was playing or just because she was close and smelled like vanilla.

Sam opened his eyes and moved back. "Didn't we want to watch a movie?"

Rachel leaned back, too, and sighed. "Damn. I will always have to wonder if you think about him during sex, don't I?"

"No!" Sam cleared his throat. "Of course not."

"It would be okay if I knew it was just about the physical, you know? But you still _love_ him!"

"Rachel, can we please stop talking about him? I won't cheat, I promise. And I want to watch that movie now, please."

They did. But later that night as they were sleeping together Sam thought of Blaine and it was completely Rachel's fault. If she hadn't started it he wouldn't have.

Totally her fault.

* * *

Of course Kugh's had to have a gathering for Halloween, too, additionally to the group trick or treating they had planned.

"I don't know how they do it. I just don't know. But it's so spectacular every year, oh, look, apple's bobbing! That's fun." Rachel clapped her hands and rushed off. Sam's first station was the kitchen where Kurt and Blaine were standing.

Now one could say what they wanted about Halloween parties but Kugh really had put effort into it. Bats, ghosts and pumpkins were hanging and dangling from everywhere, next to spider in their webs and witches on their broomsticks.

"Woah, did you empty Home Depot's deco section or what?", Sam said as he took some chips from a bowl and placed himself next to Kurt who was dressed like a lean pumpkin.

"Yes, it's nice, isn't it? Oh! I can't do this!" Kurt changed his voice in the middle of the sentence, threw his hands in the air and then was gone from one moment to the other. Sam watched in confusion as the host dived into the crowd.

"What?"

"Don't listen to him. You know how he is", Blaine said, stepping to where Kurt had stood. His black and blue costume seemed familiar to Sam and he allowed himself to let go of Kurt's weirdness and think about Blaine's clothes.

"Did you – how do I know this? Oh my god!" Sam patted excitedly on Blaine's shoulder. "Nightbird! You are Nightbird! How did I forget about _that_?"

Blaine chuckled and glanced at Sam's clothes, a boring grey suit (that had hung in his closet like forever) and gelled hair.

"And you…?"

"I'm a random group member of Cher's. Because Rachel is Cher. Damn, I should have thought of Blonde Chameleon!"

"But it actually looks like the Blonde Chameleon suit", Blaine said, frowning at Sam's clothes. He looked down. Nah, it couldn't be that he'd still had that thing from High School… could it?

"Well, better be Rachel's side kick", Blaine distracted.

"Oh, she wouldn't mind."

"I mean because that's what couples do."

"Oh. Right." Sam pursed his lips and grasped more chips. Awkward.

"So, is Karl Blonde Chameleon or what?" Sam just hoped his voice didn't sound to Blaine as to him, raspy and somewhat offended.

"No, he… is a vampire."

"Right." Sam took a deep breath. He was acting just as weird as Kurt, wasn't he? Better go watch out Rachel didn't drown.

He turned around to take a beer and then simply went away.

* * *

Two hours later the loft was crowded as hell and 'hell' was in this case the most accurate description one could choose. Loud, mostly not human looking people everywhere, scary music and sometimes an apple flew through the air as if that was an everyday occurrence.

Sam sat on one of the sofas that had been pushed into a corner to make room for dancing. He sat there and drank his beer (Rachel hadn't commended on it so Sam figured it was okay to have one, two alcoholic drinks by now), silently fearing the soon to come trick-or-treating.

What kind of adults did that anyway?

"Are you mad?"

Suddenly Blaine sat beside Sam, and with him a strong scent of alcohol.

"Are you drunk?"

"I asked first!" Blaine raised a finger.

"Why would I be mad?"

"Because Karl is not… or is…"

"What?" Sam frowned and watched Blaine search for words. Apparently he didn't find them. He turned to Sam as fast as a magpie griped glistering things and kissed him. On the mouth.

Sam didn't ask questions because he couldn't think in this moment. His fingers pressed into Blaine's shoulder, not sure whether to hold him where he was or to push him away (what he didn't do).

It was safe to say the sparkles were still there. Rushing through his body and quickly thickening a certain body part Sam hadn't control about.

He pulled back without words, leaned his head against the sofa and moaned silently.

Maybe he was the drunk one. Had this really just happened?

"Why do you love Rachel, why?", Blaine mumbled. His head fell heavy against Sam's shoulder and the blonde put his arm around him.

"Why do you care?" Sam felt silly to ask this after Blaine had just kissed him but he refused to believe it had meant anything apart from refreshing memories.

"I know I shouldn't. I know", Blaine said. "But I don't like it."

"Why?" Sam mumbled into Blaine's black hair now. It was easy to imagine they were a couple, sitting here so close, almost whispering their conversation.

"I don't know. I just don't."

Facts were that Sam didn't know anything himself. Sometimes it was so easy to imagine Blaine loved him. It also was highly insane. But maybe it was time for the truth, or if not at least a bit of the truth.

"I sometimes wonder what we could've become", he said even more quietly although people a few feet away from him wouldn't have heard him even if he had shouted.

Blaine finally looked up. "Yeah?"

Sam locked eyes with Blaine's who told him so much more about the past than words ever could have. Blaine had loved him. Sam relaxed, feeling like a weight was lifted from him. He breathed in deeply and smiled, although the sadness still wasn't far away.

"We didn't get the best chances to be something, did we?", he said.

"No…"

Blaine leaned forward and pressed a smack against Sam's lips. And another one. Sam closed his eyes and allowed it, allowed himself to savour the long forgotten but always remembered taste of the other man, under it lying the taste of the boy he had known so long ago.

He wanted both, right now.

Eventually Blaine petted his cheek and rested his head against Sam's shoulder again.

"It's over", he sighed.

"Yes", Sam said. "It's long gone."

Maybe, hopefully, tonight would bring him closure.

Blaine chuckled and waved through the air. "It's like an airplane that left the country years ago and you stand at the airport wondering why they didn't wait for you. Just silly."

"Yeah, we should stop standing there and… and…" Sam didn't know what they should do. Being that close to Blaine didn't do any good to his brain or lower body. He put back his arm and glided away a bit.

"Right. Stop standing there", Blaine said. He straightened his costume and avoided Sam's eyes. "Anyway. We're on other airplanes now, aren't we?"

"Yes, exactly!"

"You have even changed the airline!"

"Uhm… what?"

"A girl, I mean. You're with a girl."

"I always have liked girls, too."

Blaine nodded. "I liked Rachel once, too."

"No, you didn't. You tried to."

"Well, but she liked me!"

"What? Do you really want to fight over Rachel now? For heaven's sake!"

Sam got up, shaking his head. He left Blaine at the sofas and went looking for his girl, and as he found her he dragged her away from people to kiss her passionately.

He just needed a tongue in his mouth, alright, after Blaine had given him nothing. Such sweet nothing. But Rachel could give him more.

* * *

A/N Please be aware that this scene and night is only interrupted here because there will be very much more about this exact evening. I'm very sorry I couldn't actually update this on Halloween but this would've been an awefully long time to wait ;-)


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks for the reviews! Since this is the sequel to the same evening I couldn't let you wait too long, could I? So here you go!

* * *

Rachel giggled in between kisses and let him even touch her bootie. Sam pressed her against himself but in the moment he felt her through his pants, the moment he finally got some friction was also the moment he felt guilty, so guilty.

He wanted her now because he couldn't have Blaine. And that was wrong. Rachel had always been there for him and now he lied. He betrayed her. It had been okay as long as they weren't an actual couple. But now…

"No. Wait." Sam pushed her away a bit and opened his eyes. "I can't."

Rachel raised her eyebrows. "I wasn't planning on actually doing it here. But if you want Kurt certainly won't object if we use his bedroom – and even less if we don't tell him! It's the only room separated from the loft, what do you think? We have never –"

"No, wait", he said again as she started to tug his hand. She came back to him again to whisper into his ear.

"Sam, as hard as you already are from one kiss you will have trouble the whole evening. Huh? Come on!" She slightly stroke about his crotch and Sam hissed. Well, she had a point. He gave in and let her drag him away, not making eye-contact with anybody.

* * *

It reminded him a bit of their first time right before his housewarming party. He couldn't relax at all since people could come in every moment. Although Rachel didn't seem to mind, she even took the time to fold her tights before she lay down and pulled Sam onto the bed.

"Are you sure, I mean… it's Kurt and Hugh's bed", Sam whispered. He looked around to the door. It was shut but the mumbling of many different voices was still to be heard. Sam didn't know if it was exciting or just frightening.

"Don't think of it", Rachel said, nibbling on his ear. As Sam went with it and rubbed himself against her his cock came to life again.

"Are their condoms anywhere? I'm still off of birth control", Rachel whispered. Sam had stopped asking about her motives to put it off after his initial question had triggered a long speech about 'how chemical stuff can change your voice'.

Luckily on the nightstand lay some condoms, he grabbed one and put it on.

"Try to be quiet, okay?", he said while gently stroking over her vagina.

"I'm always quiet", she hissed.

"Rachel, you are as quiet as the dog from Mrs Jenkins."

"Don't compare me to a dog!" Rachel opened her eyes to glare at him. Sam smiled, kissed her and let one finger glide in. Rachel gave in immediately, laid back and spread her legs.

* * *

"I'm going home, it's as simple as it is."

"You will miss the trick-or-treating!" Kurt almost shouted. Sam shrugged as the man's look landed on him for a second before he attacked Rachel again.

"Why are you bailing on me? Oh, oh, but Sam stays, right?"

Before Sam could say anything Kurt was beside him and had buried his fingers in his arm.

Rachel sighed and locked eyes with Sam who didn't want to stay alone with the two gay couples. But then again he wasn't completely innocent in the delicate matter as to why Rachel had to go home – not that they could tell Kurt about how his condoms were too big so it had somehow vanished inside of Rachel during the act, leaving her freaked out about becoming pregnant, especially since she was at that time of her circle.

Of course the pills for afterward prevention (Sam didn't really want to know how _that_ worked) were at her apartment.

"I'm tired, Kurt, and I mean... It's grown-up trick-or-treating, come on!", Rachel said, rolling her eyes.

"I'm staying, don't be afraid", Sam said. He tried to free himself from Kurt but apparently he didn't believe a single word and wouldn't let him go. He only did that as Rachel was gone and Sam still in the room.

"Well, okay. We're going soon, no excuses!" Kurt waggled his finger in front of Sam's eyes. He nodded like a good schoolboy and then went to the kitchen to get another beer.

* * *

So the last half an hour hadn't changed anything. Sam was sitting on the couch again, glaring at Karl the vampire and drinking beer, wondering why he had ever said yes to this party.

Well, he was not really staring at Karl though. More at Blaine who was laughing at _everything_ Karl said. That guy wasn't funny at all. He was German, for heaven's sake.

Another half an hour later Kurt and Hugh had managed to flush all the guests out. Kurt came to the sofas, rubbing his hands together and grinning from one ear to another.

"Finally the fun part is about to start!", he said, leaning on an armchair.

"Uhm, you accidentally threw out Rachel, too", Blaine said as he looked around in said armchair.

"No. Rachel is gone with the wind. She doesn't deserve this fun stuff anyway. Boys night out, yey!" Kurt held up his hand so Blaine hesitantly high fived him, looking questioningly at Sam who again could only shrug.

"First on the list!" Hugh came to the sofas and put a tray on the table. On it were five shot glasses filled with lucid fluid.

"Oh, no, I can't drink that", Sam said.

"Oh, come on! Rachel isn't here! Now that I think of it, it's really convenient she's gone", Kurt said, pushing a glass in Sam's hand. Then he sat down between him and Karl on the couch and held up his own glass.

Well, one shot wouldn't throw him back into alcoholic habits, would it? Sam toasted with the others and drank it, realising that this party maybe could be fun after all.

"What happened to your drinking policy?", Sam asked Kurt as they all put down their glasses.

"I still don't drink. Except on Halloween. Ask Hugh, every year only on Halloween. Because that's the time were rules don't apply to anyone or anything!"

"It's true", Hugh nodded.

"Oh, oh! Another toast, this time to the night without rules!" Kurt jumped up and ran to the kitchen, coming back with a bottle of booze.

_Take the chance and roll the dice_  
_This is Halloween!_ (*)

* * *

"I don't get it. Why a vampire? How is this related to Nightbird?" Kurt leaned as close to Karl as possible to look at his fangs.

"It's not. Not every couple has to wear matching costumes."

Kurt pulled a grimace (of course Hugh was the zucchini to his pumpkin) and leaned back, staring at the sky above him. It was dark but no stars were to be seen. Not that Sam cared, the lights in the streets were bright enough. Mostly Jack Lanterns and other orange glooming stuff lightened up the night.

"But the price to the most illogical and boring costume goes to Sam", Kurt then said. "What are you supposed to be, anyway?"

"I'm…" Sam looked down at himself. Was he still a member of Cher's band when Cher wasn't around anymore?

"He's Blonde Chameleon. That's a super hero he invented back in High School!", Blaine pointed out, grinning a bit too much.

Kurt raised his eyebrows. "Uhu. So _you_ are the match to Blaine?"

"Don't be silly", Blaine giggled. Sam had the feeling Blaine should have stopped drinking long ago. Not that he hadn't had a few drinks himself. But not as much as Blaine, that was for sure.

"Okay, we can go!" Hugh interrupted the somewhat awkward moment in joining them. Kurt forgot his inappropriate behaviour and linked arms with his boyfriend.

Sam didn't dare to look at Karl as the three of them followed Kugh down the street. He wondered if Blaine's boyfriend knew about their history or if he thought Sam was as straight as the road to heaven.

At the first house they approached Sam decided to hold back and watch. But apparently the owners loved adults as much as kids as long as they were dressed up so Sam came with to the front door at the next stop.

* * *

Two hours later he sat down on a park bench and laid his head back.

"Trick-or-treating is exhausting!", he exclaimed though he couldn't help but laugh. It was also nice. He felt like a child again, no worries, just wanting to have fun all day long.

And maybe a little bit of that was triggered by the alcohol he had drunk. Maybe.

"It sure is the most fun I had all year long", Blaine said, sitting down next to Sam. Since they were alone and it was dark Sam's stomach started to tingle, more than he was used to now in Blaine's company.

Wasn't it the night without rules after all?

Sam tried to find Blaine's eyes in the dark but his friend stared at an empty playground in front of them.

"Sure you had _some_ fun", Sam said.

Blaine shook his head. "Life's just exhausting."

"Well, go on a vacation."

Blaine laughingly shook his head. "Not that kind of exhausting."

"I can't help you if you don't tell me about it."

"You don't have to help me. We're not eighteen anymore."

"What has that got to do with anything?"

"I don't know." Blaine sighed and leaned back against the bench. Sam felt just bad for wanting to kiss him again. His boyfriend was not far away, somewhere on the main street where they had lost sight of him and the others. This here was a short break of the rattle they had to go back to later.

Sam was allowed to throw an arm around Blaine though. Good thing Blaine's senses were numbed from alcohol, too, so he immediately leaned against Sam.

"Feels good to be Nightbird and Blonde Chameleon again, doesn't it?", Sam whispered.

"Yes."

Sam buried his nose in Blaine's hair and closed his eyes, his hand moving almost without his permission until it stroke gently over Blaine's head.

"So good", Sam mumbled. His blood circulation and breathing got a bit faster. Oh, hell, he should stop now before it was too late. But as much as he could see that he couldn't act on it, the blur was strong.

"Yes", Blaine said again, also breathing heavier. Sam leaned back and opened his eyes, searching for the other man's eyes behind his mask.

"We haven't been on a mission like forever", Blaine said.

"Yeah, it's kind of silly", Sam said. "Like you said: We're not eighteen anymore."

"Well, tonight we are!" Blaine jumped up and threw his fist into the air. Then he run towards the empty playground and Sam was clueless as to what was going on a few seconds.

Then he followed Blaine as mysteriously as he could.

They climbed the small appliances and slid down a chute, laughing about the silliness of two mid-twenty men playing like children.

_Forever young_  
_I want to be forever young (*)_

Then Blaine got a call and stumbled away, leaving Sam still giggling on a swing. He could hear him talking from a few feet away since there were no other noises in the night.

"Haha, yes, I'm okay. … No, no, I'm with Sam, don't worry. Sam is okay, too. We are just fooling around, you know, empty playground and stuff… Of course I won't hurt myself, come on! I may be drunk but I'm not stupid. Or something like – hmmm? … Okay. … Right. … Yeah, see you soon! Byeeeee!"

"Married life is calling you?", Sam joked as Blaine came back. He got up, assuming they'd have to go now. So that was it, the night without rules ended innocently – but oh what was he thinking, _stop that now!_

It's just… Blaine.

"Yes, Karl misses me", Blaine giggled. He linked arms with Sam and they walked slowly back to the park road.

Sam never had initiated something himself. He had it left to Blaine all the times because he had always felt it had to be that way – that he was lucky if Blaine would want him at all. But earlier he had realised his worries had not always been justified, that Blaine had loved him at some point in his life.

Granted, he would risk rejection but Sam had to have a prober goodbye kiss. The ones at the party had been nothing and Rachel's 'help' afterwards had not really satisfied Sam's hunger that had been awakened.

And never risking anything wasn't how one could get happy in his life, anyway, was it?

"Blaine, before we go back…" Sam stood and let go of Blaine, his heart pulse speeding up. What was he doing, was he gone insane? What had happened to fighting it?

One night without rules, one night to let yourself go.

"Oh, no need to hurry", Blaine said, turning to him. "It's not like they can't have fun without us, right?"

"Yeah." Sam stepped closer and gently pushed Blaine's mask over his head. It fell to the floor.

"What are you doing?", Blaine whispered.

"I need to look at you." Sam took a deep breath and laid his hand onto the other man's cheek. His fingers were trembling as he felt the soft skin. Blaine's half closed his eyes and opened his mouth.

"That's not looking."

Giving the fact that Blaine didn't freak out or hadn't pushed him away yet Sam took another step closer. Joining their breaths. Now it was too late to pull out. And he didn't want to. His heart still galloping in his chest, Sam leaned in closer still and carefully, almost without any impact or movement, pressed his lips against Blaine's mouth.

The moan coming from the other man was not reserved at all. After only one moment Blaine's sank his fingers in Sam's back and pressed his body against him, tongue gliding over Sam's lips.

Okay, so he wasn't mad at him, very good.

Sam went with it, kissed Blaine passionately and let their bodies collide in a way that took the breath out of both of them.

Somehow they found their way to the bench. Blaine straddled Sam who gladly laid his hands on his thighs, stroking up and down and concentrating on the kiss. It made his whole body shiver with hot tension and he wished they weren't in a dark and cold park.

After some minutes they parted and Blaine rested his head on Sam's shoulder, his hand slowly gliding over his stomach and his chest moving up and down so that Sam laid his arm around him.

He didn't know what he should say. They had to go back to the others soon, and they both knew it had been a goodbye kiss but wow… It had been an exciting goodbye kiss.

"Woah", was all he could think of.

"You're my Lois Lane."

"What? I'm not –" Sam stopped his protest and tried to look at Blaine. That weren't exactly the words you say to someone to make clear it's over, was it?

"Lois Lane is the love of Clark Kent's life", he said quietly. "Better get your references right."

Blaine giggled and nuzzled Sam's neck. It was easy to give in and forget, especially with a belly full of beer. They kissed again and somehow Blaine's hand slipped under Sam's shirt. It burnt like fire. Maybe they could… one last time… just one more time.

"Oh God, Blaine, what are you doing? The others…"

"Shhh. You have to promise me something."

The hand left his bare skin and caressed his crotch. Sam moved against it.

"Whatever you want."

Wet lips on his warm cheek. Sam's eyes were long closed and he moaned. If only they were somewhere with a bed. He needed to feel Blaine hot and naked between his thighs _now_.

"Meet me tomorrow at my apartment", Blaine said.

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes, tomorrow. Six pm."

"Are we going to fuck?"

Blaine laughed and rubbed a bit harder. "Maybe."

"Okay." Sam captured his lips with somewhat to much friction. He had the feeling they were running out of time so he kissed Blaine almost violently until the other man let go of his crotch and got up.

"Wh- you can't just stop now", Sam groaned.

"I have to make sure you'll be there tomorrow, so yes. I can."

Sam tried to catch his breath and rearranged his clothes. He had the words 'what about Karl' on the tip of his tongue but didn't utter them since they would lead to the 'what about Rachel' question.

And Sam didn't know anything. Only that if Blaine wanted to see him, how could he say no? After all the waiting. One last time.

* * *

(*) Songs: 'This is Halloween' from the movie 'A nightmare before Christmas'; 'Forever Young' by Alphaville


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks for the reviews, guys! I hope you have recovered well from the past chapters, yeah...? Ready for the next round? :-D

* * *

It had been the (drunk) heat of the moment and surely Blaine regretted everything today. He didn't expect Sam to come to his apartment, did he? It would be embarrassing if he actually showed up.

But Sam couldn't help to watch the clock.

He had cheated on Rachel. Maybe she would forgive him if he told her about it, given that she knew how long he had loved Blaine. But somehow this idea wasn't good at all.

Still, the guilt kept eating him up. And somehow he felt guilt towards Blaine, too, though he couldn't exactly tell why. Because he had made him cheat on Karl? Or because he wasn't planning on going to his apartment today? Blaine had been so eager, almost as if… But no, Sam shouldn't indulge in boyish fantasies. He was a grown-up and should act like one.

"Should I ask Kurt to come with us? To make up for yesterday although I highly doubt that he will take as much pleasure in a graveyard walk than as in trick-or-treating. But that's what Halloween is about, too, isn't it? He can't just take the fun part of it and ignore the serious stuff", Rachel said the next morning as she got dressed. She didn't even have family that was buried in New York, she said she'd think of them that way because going to Lima would take too long.

So they went to the graveyard with Kurt and Hugh and took a grab to bite afterwards. Sam was sure they'd still be together at six pm so he didn't have time to go to Blaine.

Not that it was an option.

But strangely enough, they stepped outside the restaurant at quarter to six. The skies were dark and it was windy so Kurt and Hugh were eager to go home to cuddle up in front of the TV.

"Oh, that's something we can do, too" Sam said to Rachel.

"Honey, don't be mad but I need to have a spa evening. Tomorrow will be stressful enough and I need to see my beautician this week."

"Oh."

"We will rain check, okay?"

She kissed him and then called herself a cab. Sam stood a few seconds alone on the street fighting the impulse to lift his hand. But then he did it, got into a yellow cab and got out of it ten minutes later.

It was six pm sharp and he was standing in front of Blaine's apartment. Just to talk. Without alcohol involved they would act like responsible adults and clear the subject of 'them' once and for all.

Sam gulped down the heavy lump in his throat and stared at the 'Anderson' label.

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cried (*)_

Blaine would think he'd gone mad if Sam actually showed up.

Sam took back a step and shook his head to himself. It was too crazy, he couldn't do it. He turned around and went down the street.

"Oh – Sam!"

Of course. There was Blaine, sounding more surprised than irritated. He had shopping bags in his hands and came to a halt in front of Sam.

"Wow", he said, shaking his head as if wanting to wake himself.

"Uhm, I was in the neighbourhood", Sam started the lamest excuse ever.

"Oh God and I thought you'd never want to see me again", Blaine said. He adjusted his bag. "But maybe it's good to talk?"

"Yeah. Right." Sam nodded and followed Blaine to his apartment. Talking, that's what he was here for.

Already in the hallway climbing the stairs he asked: "Why would I not want to see you?"

Blaine sighed. "Because I was pretty – oh, let's talk about it inside?"

His keys jingled as he pulled them out. On the second floor he opened the door and went inside, leaving Sam to shut it.

They settled down in the kitchen. Sam got a cup of tea and Blaine put away his groceries while saying: "I was so pushy yesterday. Insisting that you come here. Embarrassing, really."

"But I started it. I kissed you in the first place although you… we both have other partners."

Sam fumbled his hot mug and wondered what direction things would take right now if they both were free.

But they weren't. Sam loved Rachel, really, and he had promised her to get over Blaine. He wanted to get over him, once and for all.

"Yeah. Why did you?", Blaine asked nonchalantly as he closed the door to his fridge but as he turned around Sam could see a strong sense of pain in his eyes.

Damn. Now he had even managed to hurt Blaine.

"I'm sorry", Sam said, not sure if he could ever make it right. "It was just… the costumes and the booze and… you know, all that 'night without rules' talk from Kurt…"

"Yeah. The costumes made me feel like a teenager again, too", Blaine said. He smiled sadly and took a seat opposite to Sam.

"You know, back then… it wasn't an experiment for me. I loved you", Sam said unplanned. Blaine needed to know, for the sake of closure.

Blaine's eyes turned all soft and actually started to sparkle as he looked at Sam.

"Really?"

Sam nodded and pursed his lips, not letting Blaine's eyes go.

"But you had Kurt", he added. He almost had sad 'Karl' because Kurt – it seemed so strange and unreal now to imagine him with Blaine. They weren't a good match, like, at all.

"The whole time you were meant for someone else. If I had been sensible enough back then I wouldn't have committed to this. It just had torn my heart more apart than it should have."

"Wait, Sam, wait. I was in love with you, too. In fact I had troubles getting over you. That was the reason me and Kurt broke up in the end."

Sam frowned. "What – but all that talk about you two being soul mates and eventually ending up together…"

He knew Kurt was with Hugh now and it wasn't on the table anymore but it had been such a huge thing for so long. It had been a thread in Sam's mind for too long that it could have not leave him hopeless, thinking Blaine wasn't meant for him _ever_.

Blaine bit his lip. "It was just a teenage fantasy. You know how it is, being young and naive."

"But you sounded so convinced!"

"Because I was! Doesn't mean I had to be _right_."

Blaine raised his voice in a somewhat desperate tone and Sam puckered his lips, trying to figure out the other man. He realised they had never talked as open as now – and still there was so much left unsaid.

"Yeah, okay, I get it. You have found the real love of your life now", Sam said. Now Blaine had the chance to correct him if it wasn't true. Now everything would come to light.

But Blaine dropped his eyes to the table and leaned back. "And you, too."

Then he lifted his eyes and kept looking at Sam as if that had been a question.

And maybe it had. But was Sam supposed to say? Yes, he loved her. Love of his life? Did something like that even exist?

He had the strange feeling that this moment in his life was a severe one where everything laid in his hand. One little word and either his future would be one way or another.

_Yes, she is. No, you are._

But what future would await him if he said the second? Blaine hadn't denied that he loved Karl. He would either laugh or pity Sam if he said those words. Maybe declare him as insane. Sam didn't know what he was thinking. Moment to change his future, yeah, right.

He met Blaine's eyes until the other boy looked away, jaw clenched.

"We should probably not see each other as often anymore", Blaine said.

"Why?"

"It's just better that way. Okay? If you excuse me now, I – I have to do something."

Sam couldn't even put in words how rude Blaine got or ask what the hell was going on. That change in atmosphere totally took him by surprise. In a blink of an eye he stood in front of Blaine's door and it was shut behind him. Thrown out.

Something had went terribly wrong and Sam had no idea what. And maybe he didn't even want to know. Because_ if_ Blaine's behaviour had really rooted from the fact that he still had nurtured some whatsoever small feelings for Sam (but he had Karl…!?) and Sam had just killed every chance of them ever being anything… No.

Damn, why did his heart kept falling apart instead of listening to reason? If could be so easy if it would only obey his orders to let it go.

Words echoed through his head and made him shiver – both good and bad at the same time.

_Love of my life. Blaine._

Yeah… no. It wasn't true. He shouldn't even want it to be true.

Sam was just glad he didn't have to see anybody that night and went home to cry, feeling as heartbroken as in the night Blaine had dropped him at his house and left him to be with Kurt. Only this time there was nobody to blame but himself.

* * *

Organs were playing as Sam and Rachel walked into the church. It was cool inside despite to the hot weather outside. Rachel took her sunglasses off and glanced around.

"I still can't believe we're here. And why." She sighed, and Sam nodded. He hadn't the energy to talk. He just looked for a place in the front rows and sat down, hands folded. He hadn't been to church for years because he hadn't thought of faith issues the more chaotic his life had gotten. Also there had been no more weddings (Unique and Ryder were aiming for autumn this year, waiting until Jake and Marley were over with their divorce) and now this.

A funeral.

Rachel got up to hug Kitty. Now they hadn't seen each other in years, why did girls always have to hug each other? Sam nodded to the blonde (and the football player on her arm, he couldn't remember his name) and then leaned over to Rachel.

"Her third husband?"

"Sh! Fourth."

The service started. Sam listened to the minister and hoped he was right about life after death. The grief of losing a friend was hard enough to deal with without having to wonder about what came next for them.

Someone hushed along the aisle and got a place next to Kurt who had held the spot free. Sam only saw black curls but he knew it was Blaine, and as the man threw a quick glance around as he seated himself he got confirmation.

Blaine. For heaven's sake.

Sam tried to calm himself but his fists tensed. The man had some nerve showing up. Well, Sam had expected him to, and hoped for it, but that still didn't redeem his anger.

Rachel laid her hand on his fists and Sam relaxed it. He took her cold fingers into his hands, breathed in and tried to concentrate on the priest. Tina's picture smiling down on him was not hard to dismiss easily, too.

It had been an accident, a hit-and-run-driver. Mike was devastated, of course he was. Sam didn't want to know how it must feel like to be left behind like that.

But if he could compare it (God forgive him) he knew how it felt to be left alone without a word of anything. A half year ago after the meeting in Blaine's apartment where the black haired had announced they shouldn't see each other 'so often' anymore he had taken his own words very serious and not answered any calls. Hadn't showed up at Kughs gatherings, too, and after a time Sam had distanced himself from those. Seeing Kurt just reminded him of Blaine and lost chances.

Sam had realised once more that he had never fought for Blaine. The first time he had actually done something to get closer to him – the kiss on Halloween – had led to a disaster.

Still, the thought that Blaine's behaviour seemed a lot like that of a love struck school girl and the plan of making a move had started to develop in his mind just before Blaine had cut all strings. Perfect timing, as always.

But here he was again. And they should talk about it, should be honest to each other. Sam would ask Blaine why he had pulled back like that. As silly as it seemed to his brains, he needed to know and he _deserved_ to know. It couldn't go on with all that silent drama between them.

And if it turned out it had all been in Sam's head and Blaine's only reason for withdrawing was his career or something he would at least get closure and could leave the past behind.

* * *

At the reception Sam's determination had yielded to ancient doubts and self-consciousness. He saw Blaine and Kurt standing with each other, sometimes arm in arm, and Blaine didn't even look in Sam's direction so it wasn't long until he wondered if they were back together.

He knew it was unlikely. But he hadn't seen both in a few months now and somehow everything felt like High School again, especially with Ryder, Unique and all their other former classmates around. So if he saw Blaine and Kurt together without any other boyfriends around it wasn't hard to feel the way he had so many years in his life. Excluded.

"I'm tired. We should probably go", Rachel said, referring to her busy schedule with her musical rehearsals the next day. And Sam had to get up early, too, having found a job in a small movie.

"Just let me talk to Blaine and Kurt", he said, looking to them. To truly leave the past behind he should act in the presence what meant no backing out just because his mind wouldn't stop telling him he could never win. He'd be twenty-five next week and he knew he wasn't as helpless to circumstances as he had always believed. Or as undeserving of his wishes coming true.

* * *

(*) Song: 'Behind those hazel eyes' by Kelly Clarkson,


	17. Chapter 17

Thanks for the reviews guys :-)

* * *

So Sam went to his friends. He got nervous the nearer he came. Then he stood there, not sure what to do with his hands.

"Hey."

"Oh – Sam! How nice to see you!" As always it was Blaine who first hugged him. Sam hugged back, wondering how easy it was to pretend everything was good.

"It's such a tragedy. Such a tragedy", Kurt said as he hugged Sam.

"Yeah. I can't…" Sam shook his head. He'd never been good with words, and didn't know what to say now, too. He hadn't even talked to Mike except one short 'I'm sorry'.

"Believe it? Me neither. It's just… last time I saw her we were joking around", Blaine said, shaking his head. "And now…"

"Sam, listen, I know it's not the time or place but I wanted to give you that", Kurt said. He pulled out a white envelope and gave it to him. On it was written 'Sam Evans & Rachel Berry'.

"Oh?"

"It's an invitation. We're getting maaaarrieeeed", Kurt sing-sang and waggled his ring finger. Sam stared at it.

"Oh."

Fuck no. Just like that, Sam's heart went to his boots together with his self-confidence. Apparently life just loved screwing with him. But there was no way he was doing it to himself. Blaine and Kurt's wedding, no, seriously, no can do, just…

Sam took a deep breath and tried to smile. His panic wasn't justified, it couldn't be. Old thought patterns, right? It couldn't be, so better calm down.

Still, his smile was fake while Blaine's was sincere.

"And you and Rachel? Will you take that step, too?", Blaine said.

"No. But Ryder and Unique will", Sam said. His heart ached again like the night six months ago and screamed at him that Blaine and Kurt were back together, that Sam had always been right – he and Blaine never had been anything.

The thought laid itself around his lungs like an iron fist and Sam had to concentrate on breathing. Not true! He knew that Blaine hadn't lied about his feelings for Sam, he had seen it in his eyes. Of course Blaine had only talked about the past. Did that mean Sam's fantasy of the possibility that Blaine could still love him was just that… a fantasy?

"What? When?", Kurt asked.

"Propably September", Sam said.

"Ha! We are earlier!"

"Kurt, remember where we are. You can brag about the wedding later", Blaine said. "I mean, you can take a break for a few hours, right?" He shook his head to Sam. "You should be glad to not have to listen to this. Day in, day out. Wedding, wedding, wedding."

"Well, it's a special day!", Kurt said. "_You_ wouldn't know, you have sold your soul to your career. But just because you are a loveless prat, let the ones who have someone in their lives enjoy it. Huh, can you believe him? Bitter spinster Blaine." Kurt rolled his eyes to Sam.

"Oh, so… you two don't marry each other?" Sam heard himself talk before he could think, his fists clenching at his sides in a suppressed victory gesture. He knew it! (More or less.) The night mare could stop now, Kurt's only mission in life wasn't to torture Sam. It was over.

"What? Oh, god, no!" Kurt started to laugh while Blaine frowned at him.

"Now, this offends me."

"No, no, I'm sorry! Blaine, so sorry!" Kurt still laughed, though, and Blaine just sighed. He touched Sam's elbow and lead him away a bit.

"Look, I'm sorry for having been that distant", he said, sighing again. "You never realise that time could be running out every moment until something like that happens." He gestured around and Sam nodded. He could think clear again and his plan to talk about everything was back and even stronger now. He had made it until here, and it truly couldn't get worse than those fantasies about Blaine and Kurt marrying each other.

"Will you come to my birthday party next week?"

Blaine took a deep breath and his eyes wandered over the people around them, all of them wearing black.

"Twenty-five is an important age", Sam quickly said. Blaine smiled, though it looked somewhat sad.

"Yeah, it is. Of course I will be there."

"Good." Sam smiled (in his case totally happy) and hugged Blaine before he went back to Rachel.

* * *

Everything was set up, garlands were hanging in the living room, drinks and food was prepared. Now all the party needed was guests.

Sam couldn't sit still even as he tried to distract himself with video games. Rachel sat down next to him, a hand on his back.

"Sam… How long is this going to continue?"

"I can turn it off anytime", Sam said.

"I'm not talking about your game. I'm talking about Blaine."

Shock went through his body and he let his car fall into the ocean. Sam had tried to not talk as much about Blaine with Rachel as he used to, given the fact that she was his _girlfriend_.

"What –"

"You know, as much as I keep hoping that one day I will be your only one it kind of seems to never end. The last months I hoped it could be a start but now you invited Blaine to your party and since then you are… different. Happier. And that's what concerns me. Can you ever love me if you love him so much?"

Sam put his controller away and ran his hands over his face. His first impulse was to neglect everything but it wouldn't work. She knew him too well. And he was tired of hiding it.

"I don't know", he said quietly into his hands, then turned to look at her. "I've tried to fight it, I've tried to ignore it. And it's not like I constantly think of him. It's just when I'm with him… everything seems out of control."

Rachel nodded. She wiped under her eyes as if trying to avoid tears.

"I know what you're talking about. It's the bond of your first love, you never forget that. Like I will never forget Finn. But I was able to move on and you are not because he's still around."

"Well, we have been separated long and often enough", Sam said. "And I still wasn't able to let go."

Rachel gulped. "Maybe you should tell him. I mean… I don't want to be second choice", she mumbled. "I know it wasn't your intention but isn't that what love is about? Who you fall for and not how you can change your feelings? If it was that easy everybody would be happy because if someone wasn't good for them they'd just choose to love somebody else."

"Now hold on a minute! It's not like I don't love you at all, okay? Because I do."

"I believe you, Sam, but there will always be three people in this relationship."

"You're not breaking up with me right before my birthday party, are you?"

Rachel leaned forward and gently kissed Sam on the cheek. Then she whispered "Talk to him" and got up. He stared into space for a few moments, not sure what to make of any of that. Then the doorbell rang and almost startled him to death.

* * *

It wasn't really the best party ever. The mood was clouded because most of them were still thinking about Tina. Mike hadn't come, as well as Jake and Marley, so Sam was left with Ryder, Unique, Rachel, Blaine and Kugh. Well, at least Karl wasn't here.

To make things worse Unique and Kurt couldn't stop talking about weddings and Rachel anticipated very enthusiastic in their chat, too.

"Sam, I think you should prepare yourself", Hugh laughed. "Sounds like a proposal is coming for you."

"Oh, no, she's just talking hypothetical", Sam said.

"Yeah, that's what everybody prefers to think until it's too late", Hugh said.

Sam just shook his head as the rest of the group laughed. Rachel looked as happy as always and nobody would believe that her and Sam's relationship was… well, what was it? Standing before it's end? Had already ended?

During the time Sam had seen Blaine only in his dreams he had gotten so used to his feelings. It was self-evident so he had never considered it to be a thread to his relationship but in the end it was all a big lie. Rachel was right when she said she was second choice. And she also had every right in the world to choose to not be this to anyone.

And Blaine? There he sat, laughing and talking, cute as ever, making Sam want to kiss him. But if with kisses or without he needed him in his life. Something like the last months should (and would) never happen again.

Ryder and Unique went home early and Rachel started to grasp her things, too. Sam quickly got up and caught her in the bedroom where she took her jacket from the bed.

"You're going already?"

"Oh, yes, I've had a long day", Rachel said.

"And…" Sam didn't know what to say

She sighed and looked at him, putting a hand on her chest.

"Sam, you are going to be okay."

"So you actually broke up with me?"

He puckered his lips and stared disbelievingly at her.

"I am not made to be second choice, Sam. I love passionately and deeply and if the other person can't return it wholeheartedly it's just not the real deal. I don't blame you! I _want_ to stay with you, you have to believe me but as long as you love Blaine it's just…"

She shook her head, not able to hold back some tears now. Sam instinctively went to her and put his arms around her, stroking over her hair. In doing that he closed his eyes and wept, too. This couldn't be happening.

But somehow he wasn't as hurt as he wanted to be. If he was honest to himself he had always loved Blaine more than Rachel, and she had always known it. Hoped it would change, yes, but she had known.

"I'm sorry you had to put up with all that", Sam whispered.

"It's not like you lied to me – I knew what I was getting into from the beginning. It's such a pity I can't be mad at you, that would make things easier", she said.

Sam saw a dark, empty playground in front of his eyes and regret bit him. He had never even told her about that night.

"You know the reason why Blaine kept his distance the last months… was…"

Rachel looked up at him and Sam cleared his throat. It would be senseless to tell her now. She'd only hurt more than she did already and it was over anyway.

"Why?", she uttered. "Did something happen between you two?"

"We kissed. On Halloween. But I swear that's all there is to it."

Rachel opened her mouth but curiously enough didn't say anything. She stepped back from Sam and took her purse, shaking her head.

"And you didn't think I'd need to – oh! Why do I even bother! I can't believe – well you two have the unhealthiest, most tangled up relationship I've ever seen. And I've watched Blaine and Kurt throughout their years."

She stepped to Sam again and held up a finger. "If you have another partner after me who isn't Blaine I will personally tell them all about it, are we clear?"

"Rachel…"

Then, most likely for the sake of drama, Rachel slapped Sam and stormed out. He instinctively held his cheek and bit his lips, trying not to scream.

The very loudly shut door made clear she was gone.


	18. Chapter 18

Thanks for the reviews guys!

* * *

Sam went to the kitchen and held an ice cream container against his cheek.

"What… did something happen?" Blaine looked into the room. "Is Rachel gone? Without saying goodbye?"

"Yeah. She is." Sam put down the ice and tried to hide his cheek. Right now he couldn't concentrate on Blaine, having been left out of the blue.

"Oh. Okay. I didn't mean to intrude." Blaine pointed with his thumb over his shoulder. "I'm going… I just heard… what happened to your cheek?"

Sam laughed bitterly. "That's what you call 'not intruding'? Nothing happened, okay? Nothing. And nothing ever will."

Blaine frowned and Sam shoved the ice cream into the sink, resting his hands behind his head. He saw everything clearly now. It was all Blaine's fault. Why did Sam even fall for him in the first place, why couldn't he just let him be with Kurt or Karl or whatever German named guy he would be with next?

All those thoughts and feelings about him were getting more and more exhausting.

"If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay but don't drop your bad spirits on me!", Blaine said.

"But it's _your_ fault!" Sam turned around and glared at the other man, voice maybe somewhat too loud. He had never intended to start this talk angry and full of resentment. But how could it be any different after the bitterness of the last years?

"I didn't do anything." Blaine raised his eyebrows.

"No, you didn't. For months you haven't done anything. And on Halloween you haven't done anything. You never do anything. I'm done with it, okay? You can't just… " Sam gestured to the hallway, expecting Blaine to leave like he always did but the black-haired man stood like frozen at the kitchen door.

"What should I have done if I may ask?"

"Oh, I don't know – maybe not turn me on and then leave me coldblooded? Maybe not throw me out of your apartment after I've told you I how much our past had meant to me?"

Blaine took a step into the kitchen and closed the door behind him.

"You also told me that Rachel is the love of your life. What was I supposed to do with that, Sam? And don't drop the 'turning on and then rejecting' thing on me, you are just as guilty. And you started it. You started it and then told me you love Rachel forever and always."

"I didn't tell you that. I just kept silent."

Blaine's eyes got bigger and bigger. He then caught himself and said: "Well, tell me now."

Sam shook his head and turned around to look out of the window. Were they really fighting about _that_ now? It seemed to unreal, having been kept silent for all that time.

Sam didn't know whether Blaine was still with Karl or not, or even if his fantasy about Blaine still loving him was true. And if it wasn't he was about to embarrass himself but what did it matter now. The day couldn't become worse.

"I can't tell you, cause it's not true. Rachel is not the love of my life."

Blaine didn't say anything and the buzzing of the fridge became as loud as a swarm of bees ready to defend their nest. Sam was sure his next two words couldn't be heard over that noise, or maybe he just wished so.

"You are."

After an endless moment during that Sam thought Blaine had left he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned his head. Blaine was crying. And just like that Sam's anger was gone. He turned around completely and laid his arms around Blaine who buried his face in his chest.

"Damn you, Sam", he mumbled in between his sobs. "Damn you."

Sam had to smile despite his wet eyes. It was so good to hold Blaine like that but it also brought up all the pain from the nights where he had wished to do just that and hadn't been able to. Those nights had also left the feeling of never being Blaine's one and only. Whenever they'd get it on it would end soon.

"I thought you were straight again, Sam. That I was just a phase, a long forgotten one."

"Well, I… I admit I wasn't very open about my feelings", Sam mumbled, closing his eyes and resting his nose in Blaine's sweet pineapple scented hair. For endless minutes Blaine sobbed and Sam buried his fingers in his waist, never wanting to let go because if he did Blaine would be gone for another year or so.

"I love you, Sam", Blaine uttered. He lifted his head and locked eyes with Sam, silently asking him for another affirmation. Sam couldn't think of any words, though, his head was full with both astonishment and joy. Blaine loved him!? Thinking about it and actually hearing it were as different as night and day. Blaine really loved _him_, not Kurt or Karl… him, Sam?

"I knew it was silly but I couldn't stop it", Blaine whispered, softly running a tip of his finger over Sam's jaw. "I've given up hope so long ago. But when I heard about Rachel, everything – wait, what about Rachel?"

Blaine frowned. Sam took a deep breath and swallowed down the lump in his throat. Thinking how Rachel would never come back, would never be close to him again made him feel abandoned and empty nonetheless. It had come so suddenly.

"We're through", was all he could say in that moment before someone knocked on the door. Blaine quickly stepped back and then Kurt put his head through the door.

"Hugh and I are going now", he said. Then his eyes lingered on their faces. "Is everything okay?"

Blaine drove a hand through his hair and Sam hurried to assure Kurt everything was just fine. They didn't need his interferences right now though Sam was sure Kurt would be more than thrilled to know they had found the way to each other. Just what that meant exactly was something they still needed to talk about.

As Sam closed the door behind his friends the thought of being alone with Blaine, of finally talking about their relationship went straight to his head and made him dizzy. He knew he wouldn't let come anything between them anymore, enough drama, enough tears had been shed.

He just hoped they would work out.

Coming to think of it there had never been a time where no one had stood between them. They had never been truly alone. What if their attraction to one another was rooted in the secrecy, in the idealisation of love that only distance could keep up?

His heart leaped very high as he got to the living room where Blaine was sitting on the sofa. Sam returned his grin although he felt somewhat awkward, too. They had never talked about feelings and been open with each other so how did it work?

"Do you want a drink or…?" Sam vaguely gestured to the kitchen but Blaine patted on the seat next to him.

"No, I just want to hear your story."

Sam sat down and searched for words. First they came reluctantly but once he got hold of the track it couldn't stop talking about how he had never forgotten Blaine although he had tried to and how his feelings kept showing up even after years of separation. How first Suzanne and then Rachel knew and tolerated it.

And although Rachel had known the whole story it was a completely new sense of relief telling Blaine about it. And it almost made him forget the agony of it as Blaine simply took his hand and held it.

It was strangely familiar being close to Blaine. As if their souls had never been apart. Not that Sam was a big believer when it came to spiritual stuff. He had tried to follow his parents religion as a teenager but had quickly moved on from it without really caring about it.

But being with Blaine felt good and so _right_ he could almost become a man of faith.

_I thought love was only true in fairy tales  
Meant for someone else but nor for me.  
Then a saw your face  
Now I'm a believer. (*)_

"Wow. So all this time… you held back. First because of Kurt, then because of Karl. And I would have said something but after I've made a fool out myself in front of you as you got engaged to Suzanne I – I just tried to get over it. You know? And when you got together with Rachel I was convinced your gay phase from High School had been just that. A phase." Blaine shrugged, biting his lip.

"And I can't blame you", Sam said. "I just shoved it back inside and wanted to forget it."

Blaine smiled pitiful.

"Guess we both put effort into that, huh?"

"Yeah…" Sam stared at Blaine, still not able to believe this was real and not a dream. Blaine smiled while lightly squeezing Sam's hand he was still holding.

"But we're here now."

Sam smiled back.

"Do you think we will work out? I mean after having built up all that habits of holding back and repressing everything?"

"We can only wait and see", Blaine sighed. "And I'd suggest we take it slow this time. We've just… jumped right into it all the times, acting on the feeling of limitedness. I don't think it would work out if we kept this up."

Sam nodded and then grinned.

"So, will you go on an actual date with me, Blaine Anderson?"

"You bet I will, Evans", Blaine grinned, too, and leaned forwards for a kiss. Sam closed his eyes and all his insides melted. Slow and tenderly they moved their lips against each other, their first kiss as a real couple, without alcohol, or desperation, just love. Sam could literally taste the love on Blaine's lips and he never wanted to stop soaking it up. His body needed it and his soul even more so, still screaming why it had taken so long.

Eventually it faded away, leaving them breathless and hungry for more. Sam got up to put on a DVD and get snacks, and then quickly throw his arms around Blaine again. Every five minutes or so they kissed or simply looked at each other, not really paying attention to the movie.

It felt so much better than their past hook-ups because it wasn't rushed, it wasn't fast, it wasn't soon to end. It was the beginning. Sam kissed Blaine even on his way to the door before reluctantly letting him go home.

As he closed the door he leaned against it, eyes closed, a smile on his lips and clenched his fists in pure joy. Yes! That's how it was supposed to be.

* * *

(*) Song: 'I'm a believer' by The Monkee

* * *

A/N: Nothing to do with this story but I hope you all are doing o.k. after what happened to Cory. I for my part still can't believe it just... I have no words for it. So sad and heartbreaking. :-(


	19. Chapter 19

Thanks for the reviews and the feedback! This is the end. But not really, cause there'll also be an epilogue.

* * *

Two months later Sam could finally relax. Blaine didn't seem to go anywhere. They were together every day whenever their work schedules allowed it. Sam's co-actors had even started to comment on how happy and well-adjusted he had become.

It was July now and the Kugh wedding was approaching. Sam knew Rachel would be there and he wondered how it would be to see her again. Hopefully she'd bring a boyfriend so that Sam needn't to feel too guilty for what he had done to her.

"I thought she broke up with _you_?", Blaine said as Sam stood in front of his cupboard mirror, adjusting his tie.

"Yeah, because she couldn't bear it any longer that I love you more than her. It wasn't really nice of me", Sam said, shaking his head.

"Well, then it's my fault just as much. I should've told you a long time ago." Blaine approached Sam and laid his chin on his shoulders, looking at him in the mirror.

Sam turned around to put his arms around Blaine. "Don't you dare blame yourself. You are perfect."

"You know I'm not."

"I know you are."

Sam grinned and kissed Blaine. Sometimes he still wondered how it was possible that he was allowed to do this whenever he wanted. Or how easy life felt since they were together and how he could pick up his phone and call Blaine to tell him he loved him or missed him whenever he wanted.

_And I can't believe  
Well, that I'm your man  
And I get to kiss you, baby, just because I can (*)_

* * *

Surprisingly, Kugh kept their wedding small. They had a banner, white roses on every table and a life band that played classic music and yes, that was small compared to Kurt's talk during the last weeks (Sam had been pretty sure to at least see one exotic animal on that Kurt would ride to the altar).

"Blaine, Sam! Finally!" Ryder hugged them both and smiled brightly. "Looks like we both got our happy endings, huh? Jake didn't but he and Marley did separate in a mutual understanding. He doesn't get to see his daughter so much now…"

As Ryder went on talking about how Jake had picked up horseback riding Sam's eyes wandered to his side where Blaine politely nodded along. Following an urge he grabbed his hand what brought him a quick smile from Blaine.

Then he saw Rachel.

She saw him too and walked over. Not halfway there she started grinning and clapping her hands and run the last steps towards them.

"I heard the news! Good for you, guys! I wouldn't have accepted anything different. In fact I had made a plan to give you three month and if by then you hadn't been together I'd personally would've come over and kicked Sam's ass, yes, you really heard me just saying that, nothing else would've helped at this point; believe me!"

During her talking she hugged them both and patted Ryder on the shoulder.

"I'm so glad you're okay", Sam said. "Did you bring a date?"

"Oh, shut up, a woman needs no date to feel good about herself!"

"I know but _I_ would have felt good if you had", Sam said. "Just to make sure you're over me. Although having another partner doesn't necessarily mean being over someone else."

He looked to Blaine who nodded in agreement. They had developed the habit of teasing each other with their long and barren story of secretly wanting each other while having different partners. Sam knew it was to get over those years. It still hurt to sincerely think about it. But he also had realised how it had taught him so much. If he had stayed the boy he had been in High School he would have never been able to accept and whole heartedly return Blaine's love.

"Oh, don't worry, Sam. I have my eyes on someone. He just couldn't make it."

"So it's not Santana then?" Sam grinned and looked to the dance floor where he saw said girl hopping around. He shortly wondered if she had ended up with someone (or would like to) but then shrugged it off.

"No! Don't be silly!" Rachel laughed and nudged his shoulder. "That was a phase. Unfortunately, I mean, it's so much easier with a same sex partner."

"Uhm…"

"Nope, can't agree neither", Blaine laughed.

"Wait, you and Santana?"

They all had forgotten that Ryder was still there. Sam and Blaine laughed at his unbelieving face and then decided to get drinks.

On the bar they met Mike and Sam was so glad to see his old friend that he hugged him, too.

"Are you good?", he asked him, not sure how to address the still delicate matter of Tina's death. But Mike knew what he meant and nodded.

"I'm as okay as I can be regarding the circumstances. But let's not talk about it today, okay?"

Sam was okay with that. He watched all of his old friends even when he didn't talk to all of them. He had never paid much attention to who was with whom but now he and Blaine had the most fun figuring it out.

"Okay, Finn and that unknown girl. Not a Glee club member, how could he! But Quinn and Puck isn't any news", Blaine said. "They are so boring."

"Wait, they are together? Since when?"

"I don't know exactly... Didn't you see them during the funeral?"

"No, I only had eyes for you." Sam waggled his eyebrows and his heart literally skipped a beat as Blaine smiled because of his words. He leaned over to give Sam a kiss.

It might have been Sam's opinion but nothing in the whole world tasted better than those lips. He laid a hand on Blaine's waist to prolong the kiss.

To some it might've seemed rash but since the day they'd come together they already had been ready for the 'I love you'. Sam guessed it had been because of those horrible yet on-going years of yearning between them though he didn't know for sure. Maybe it was just because they were meant to be and never ever would part again.

He smiled in reaction to his cheesy thoughts and Blaine pulled away a bit, eyes still close.

"You know I love you, right?", he said.

"No. Why don't you tell me?" Sam's smile got brighter and Blaine opened his eyes, lightly hitting his arm.

"One time per hour is enough, otherwise you'll let it get to your head."

"Oh, I already have."

"No – fucking – way! Trouty mouth and the Hobbit. When did _that_ happen?"

Santana stood there, arms crossed. Sam wiped over his mouth that was completely normal and okay.

"Santana, where have you been the last, say, six years? Is it?" Blaine turned to Sam who tried to calculate how long it has been since High School. He was twenty-five now so…

"Yes, six years", he said.

"You are _not_ together since six years."

"No, but if you had paid attention or maybe listened to what people had told you, you wouldn't be so surprised today", Sam snapped. He couldn't help but think of how Rachel had been hurt because of her even though this was long over.

"Hey, I was busy, okay? It's not easy to go to college _and_ be a decent girl."

"Decent?" Blaine frowned. Santana pulled a face at him.

"How come I never see Brittany on those events?", Sam asked.

"I don't think she remembers High School. Or if she doesn't care. You know her", Santana said.

"So you haven't talked to her?", Blaine said.

"No."

"So you are not still in love and waiting for her to give you a sign?", Sam said.

"Oh, please, not everyone is as pathetic as others – and with that I mean you – and clings to their High School sweethearts!" Santana rolled her eyes. "If you have to know I'm in an established relationship with a girl from my former college but don't think you'll get invited to our wedding."

"Huh. Pity", Blaine said. Sam laughed and kissed him again and as he pulled back from that, Santana was gone.

They moved, too, to witness the wedding ceremony. Since Blaine was Kurt's best man Sam sat down in the first row next to the Hummel-Hudson's.

Kurt wore a white, glittering suit with a tail long enough to make any decent wedding dress get green with envy. On his head was a big (also white) cylinder and he wouldn't stop grinning as Burt (looking happy himself) walked him down the aisle.

Hugh wore a normal black suit but his grin was just as bright as Kurt's. Then the ceremony started. Sam was especially proud of Blaine as he got the rings out at just the right time. He would've liked to kiss him then but Blaine kept standing at the side of the altar. Damn.

"That's _my_ boyfriend", he instead whispered to Finn who 'shhed' him.

"I now pronounce you groom and groom, or, as especially requested, I hereby declare that 'Kugh' is officially married", the minister said. The crowd laughed and applauded while the grooms kissed. Blaine smiled brightly at them. As Kugh walked out of the church and people got up, Sam jumped finally to his feet.

"Blaine, you were so great! So fantastic! Blam-tastic, one might say!" Sam grinned at the minister who disregarded him.

"Me? Sam, this was Kurt's wedding, I hope you paid him and Hugh some attention."

"Dude, why? I see their cheesy interactions almost every day. What does it matter if they are fancy dressed or not?"

"Sam!?" Blaine raised his eyebrows.

"But I also didn't watch only you, I swear", Sam said. He took Blaine's hand and as they walked out of the church Sam had a vision of one day them being the just married couple, bound together forever and living happily ever after.

Though the 'happy' part was already in his life, luckily.

Just in front of the doors Sam pulled Blaine closer and gave in to his desire for a kiss.

"Haven't done this in a long time", he grinned in doing so.

"Yeah, one hour can get really long."

"One hour already? You know what you haven't told me since that hour, too?"

Blaine chuckled. "That I love you?"

"I love you, too."

"We better go to the reception", Blaine said, carefully stroking over Sam's gelled hair. "Kurt won't be happy when the best man is late for his speech and since it's his wedding day I have to follow his orders – I mean fulfil his wishes."

Sam grinned. "Yeah. But they'll be on honeymoon the next three weeks. Wonder how that's gonna be."

"Quiet. Very quiet", Blaine said. They went down the stairs.

"We're gonna have so much time for ourselves. Alone time, you know, quality time." Sam waggled his eyebrows.

"Oh, get your mind out of the gutter!", Blaine laughed.

"Nope. Never."

He slapped Blaine's bootie just before they entered the saloon and Blaine threw him a supposedly reproachful look before walking to the grooms. Sam just laughed it off.

Since that one day in their High School locker room as Blaine had told him 'everybody' would always love him no matter what Sam had known about his best friend's crush on him. Not so many months later he had returned it. And now they were together. Finally!

Sam was careful with thinking stuff like 'forever'. People and dreams were always changing, that's what life was about. But he couldn't help it – Blaine felt like eternity. It was too early to be able to say if this feeling was the first stage of love and would fade away but if he had any saying in it Sam would hold on to it. And if it stayed and maybe grew stronger Sam was more than willing to follow Kugh's example.

**The End**

* * *

(*)Song: 'Everything' by Michael Bublé; **  
**


	20. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Five years later Sam was standing at the window of his apartment, looking outside. Damn, no, this could not be happening!

"You're already awake?", Blaine's voice said behind him.

Sam shortly closed his eyes, took a deep breath and nodded. How could he not be awake early… as if he could sleep with _this_ day coming.

"Good. Because I have something for you!" Blaine said and as Sam turned around, the other man wasn't in the room anymore.

"Should I wait here or…?", he called.

"Yes! No. I'm already… Here!"

Blaine stormed into the room, calming down and hiding something behind his back. Sam raised his eyebrows and let Blaine approach him.

First he got a kiss. Then a bunch of red roses appeared on front of his nose.

"Happy Anniversary!" Blaine grinned from one ear to another and Sam couldn't help but smile, too.

"You didn't forget!"

"Oh, when did I _ever_ forget?"

"It can happen to the best."

"Not to me, it cannot!" Blaine smiled and kissed Sam again and mumbled in between: "I've made dinner reservations."

That was the point when Sam couldn't bare it any longer. He pulled back and frowned at Blaine.

"I've made plans, too. But look, look at this!"

He pointed reproachfully out of the window where it was raining cats and dogs. It was _May_ for heaven's sake. Couldn't the clouds have waited another day, just _one day_ to start this ridiculous earth wetting?

"It's raining, so what? _We_ will have the perfect day." Blaine still looked as happy as a mouse in a cheese storage room. He tried to kiss Sam who turned his head, mumbling "I wanted to take you to the Empire State building."

"Oh. That was a nice idea. Well… we can always go another day, you know, as an additional anniversary trip?"

Sam shrugged and let himself be kissed. For one because he really liked it. And also because he couldn't let on why it had been so important to go there on their actual anniversary day.

It would have been the perfect opportunity for a proposal. Sam had planned it since two years, saving money for the ring and imagining how to pop the question. He'd actually wanted to get married since Kurt and Hugh's wedding though it had been too early to know if he was serious back then. They had just come together and Sam had wanted to enjoy each day, no matter how it turned out to be. He also had had some worries if they would work out after years of unfulfilled yearning.

But that had been futile. Of course they worked out. They were _Blam_, for heaven's sake! Sam had no idea how he could ever have thought they weren't meant to be because most obviously they were. It was self-evident and he didn't indulge in esoteric fantasies very often but when he did he simply _knew_ that's what people meant when they talked about being soul mates.

He gave Blaine his present – mostly chocolate because Blaine had the habit of using Sam as a plate whenever he ate candy. And since it kept raining the whole day (damn you clouds and stuff, seriously, _why_?) they stayed in and Sam generously gave Blaine the opportunity to eat all of his chocolate.

Whenever Sam could took a secret look at the white-gold ring in the blue little Tiffany box, making sure it was still there. It had cost him a fortune. Even with his acting career going better than ever it had taken him forever to save the money for it. But it was worth it, simple and pure and Blaine could wear it to every occasion.

* * *

At seven o'clock sharp they entered a posh restaurant, looking very elegant themselves, wearing suits and expensive shoes.

Sam couldn't have asked the question when they were in bed. He had strict requests that included a romantic environment like it was to be seen in every chick flick ever. Blaine liked this shit so much. Sam always teased him with it and tried to keep a more sensible taste in movies but when Blaine got all excited about a love movie and compared them to the couple in it (declaring them as even more epic and profound and whatnot) Sam's heart dashed as wild as it had on the first day with Blaine. He was a grown, thirty year old man and Blaine was able to make him feel like a teenage schoolgirl – if this wasn't love he didn't know what was.

"Are you okay?", Blaine asked after they had chosen their menus.

"Yes, of course!", Sam quickly said, realising he had been too thoughtful. "It's just so beautiful." He gestured around, making Blaine nod.

"It is! I've chosen it myself. So romantic with the waterfalls over there…"

Sam followed his pointing to some artificial pond with glittering stones around it. There was just no other way. He would have to propose here as if he had planned it like that all along.

"Sam! Are you listening?"

"I'm sorry, Blaine. Just… the waterfalls… nice, really nice."

This time Blaine wasn't convinced that easily about Sam's admiration for the place. He doubtingly raised his eyebrows. Luckily for Sam the waiter came and served them champagne. He quickly grasped his glass and drank a sip.

"And I was thinking… we could go to the cinema afterwards, we haven't done this in forever", Blaine said.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, true!"

Okay so he wasn't very wordy right now. But Blaine would soon know why and forgive him. Hopefully. They had never spoken about marriage but from Blaine's reaction to Kugh's married life Sam could tell he wasn't very disinclined.

Sam couldn't think of any reason why Blaine would say no. But he still was nervous as hell. Maybe there was a reason like health insurance was better for the unwed or… maybe his grandmother was against gay marriage or something.

Forks and spoons were clattering around them and everybody was chatting quietly. Sam had to distract himself from all this proposal stress. He cleared his throat and locked eyes with Blaine.

"So... what movie were you thinking?"

"Mike told me they are showing some classics down at the Tina-Cohen-Chang-Theatre… like the Thor trilogy."

"Oh, cool. Sounds great." Sam nodded along and couldn't help but wonder if a proposal in that old movie theatre their friend had named after his deceased wife would be more romantic than here. But he should really concentrate on talking. He took another champagne sip and –

"Ugh!"

Something was in his mouth. What the hell, what kind of restaurant had stuff in their champagne?

Sam fumbled it out and wanted to start complaining but suddenly Blaine was kneeling beside the table. The thing Sam had just taken out of his mouth was a golden ring.

Oh. My. God.

"Sam Evans."

"No, no, no! What? Is this… what I think… what?"

"Can I have my talk, please?", Blaine chuckled and took Sam's hand.

"Sam Evans, this is long overdue. I love you. Always have and always will. You are the love of my life and I'd rather die than spend just one day without you. I would be _so_ honoured if you would do me the favour of making our love official and… marry me." His eyes were shining brightly as if the sun itself hid behind it and at the same time held questioningly on to Sam's.

Sam forgot how to move for a few seconds. There he was, the man he still dreamed about at night, proposing to him. Waiting for an answer as if there was any other option than to say yes.

_I, I will be king_  
_And you, you will be queen. __(*)_

For one moment Sam struggled to find his tongue, always having imagined this moment with him being the one on his knees. But he quickly adjusted and felt a smile creeping on his mouth.

"You bet I will, Anderson."

Blaine's eyes poured love all over the place. People started clapping, making Sam aware that they were being watched. He let himself be ringed and got up to kiss Blaine. More clapping. Of course they couldn't turn this into live snogging so it ended soon.

As they sat down, holding hands over the table Sam let his free hand glide into his pocket. He held on to Blaine's eyes though, needing them like he needed air.

"Since we're already on it… Here's my engagement present for you."

He stylishly slipped the box over the table to Blaine whose eyes got even bigger.

"Is this..?"

"Yes."

Sam chuckled with happiness as Blaine got pale while looking into the box. As he looked up he was all serious and his eyes were glittering.

"You planned on proposing tonight?"

"I've been planning it for a long time. That's what the Empire State building should have been for but…" Sam shrugged and couldn't have talked on because Blaine jumped out of his chair and was franticly placing kisses on his mouth.

"Every time I think I can't love you more you prove me wrong!", he said.

"Woah there!" Sam laughed and pushed his fiancé (oh yeah!) back a bit. "And I will continue to prove it to you until the day I die."

"I love you!" Blaine sighed and sat down, taking Sam's hand into his again as if he couldn't live without the slightest contact tonight.

Sam didn't object. In fact he loved it and didn't plan on ever letting go of Blaine himself.

After all he was the love of Sam's live.

* * *

(*) Song: 'We can be heroes' by The Wallflowers

* * *

Thank you sooo much for reading and reviewing! Maybe we'll read each other soon ;-) Until then: Have a blam day! :-D


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